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About Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current | View Entire Issue (June 2, 2011)
WINK Eugene Weekly’s Local Dating Site Respond to a Wink ad. Visit wink-kink.com and enter the ad ID Ads with a ☎ have Voice Mail Messages call 1-520-547-3013 • Browse local postings • Post your own profi le (Charges may apply) NEED A FRIEND ZIPPER WAS DOWN. Fighting the mid-life crisis n los- ing the battle,don’t plan on going down easy or alone,need a part- ner in crime to get me into trou- ble or get me out of trouble. fishguy, 54, #105589 You noticed my zipper was down and let me know. I noticed how beautiful you looked. Get togeth- er over a sunny afternoon and see where the day takes us? When: Tuesday, May 24, 2011. Where: Chevron on 7th.. You: Woman. Me: Man. ☎ #902112 CHILD-FREE ATHEIST BORED IN OREGON:] ‘Ello:] I moved here from Utah and can’t find a place to really chill. I’d like to meet some new friends and possibly find a rela- tionship:}. rainbowladybug, 18, g , #106227 QUIRKY HIGH ENERGY Born and Raised. I’m a Eugene Native,Single mother looking for someone to just hang out with and get to know on an intellec- tual level, not someone who just wants sex. Brat, 30, g , #106201 WORLD TRAVELER Sweet and honest person look- ing for the right, honest compan- ion and friend to share life’s experiences and pleasures. I love books, garage sales, NPR, the Ducks, football, track and traveling. loulou, 61, #101279 HORSES, GARDENS, SUNRISES Country lady looking for her male counterpart- I have 2 hors- es and love to ride, need a part- ner! Would prefer someone with his own horse, please be single! g , goddess2, 60, #106091 ~WARPED WOLFRIDER CHIEFTESS~ Hoping to be inspired, chal- lenged, educated, explored! Cave Diving? Rock hunting? Comic- con’s? Paintball? Poi-Staff? Snowboarding? ect.!? Peace, Love, Rock ‘n Roll! (Not quite enough to sooth my soul!) ~Ani_ Oakley~ }=)~. Ani_Oakley, 30, g , #106054 29, married, no kids. Would like to find some cool girls to go out with, without worrying about babysitters. I can hang with any- one, but not into sports or reli- gion. DrGirlfriend, 29, g , #106120 SOMETHING INTERESTING Married woman looking for a woman. captainbolo, 35, #106213 MUSICFINATIC Moved here 4rm da east coast. I LOVE GURLS. Basically I do wat I want wateva dat is lol. Im new 2 da area & ready have fun!! magic2701, 20, g , #106093 SOUTHERNBELLE TREEHUG- GER HOPELESSROMANTIC justmoved here fromTN.im laid back.downtoearth lovemusic.art. goodbeer.goodbud.lookin to make new friends.meet new people.lovemusic!lovefestivals n shows.i am my own person.tat- toos.piercings.people whocan keep up with me.witty.outspo- ken.lil wild.like to party.if u wan- naknow morejust lemmeknow. southern_charmer89, 22, g , #106033 A CHARMING POLYGON I love Bob Dylan and Nicki Minaj. I like to cook, dance and bike to Trader Joe’s. My dream is to live in a house with tons of flowers. patty, 20, ☎, g , #105932 BLONDE AND INTELLIGENT I’m a confident person who loves to be with other people. I try to be nice to the people around me. I like to do random things, and find a d ve n t u re s. kelandry4157, 19, g , #105724 LAIDBACK HUMOROUS CHAP Want meet some new people. Open to do just about anything. Looking for folk that don’t mind a kid, like to laugh, have a beer and kick back. Why not? stop- g , s4pennies, 33, #106232 PRAGMATIC EDUCATED MAN Looking for a woman who knows the meaning of Pragmatic and other large words!I have adegree inNetwork Admin.and in culinary arts aswellas otherdegrees(liket okeepthenogginbusy)would like someone to talk to The Pragmatist. Shag, 30, #106204 HEDONISTIC WANDERING ARTIST A spiritual warrior with an addic- tion to ink, I’m seeking friends and compatriots to share lifes pathways. I’m artistic, flamboy- ant, introspective, articulate, opinionated, compassionate,and passionate about those things I believe in. tattooed_sha- man, 47, g , #106190 BORNOFTHESKY AND DREAMING!!! optimusprime, waltwhitman and dr.seuss hada baby; it was me!!! Muscley,fit,bearded, athlete- dreamer-artist-yogi-poetboy seeks twinkly-eyed poetgirl, maybe inked, hopefully kinked;) let’s grin at salamanders and bumblebees, eatcupcakes onthe trampoline, and benew likechil- dren.... cyclone_poet_boy, 36, g , #106181 HELLO Hi I preffer you ask me. Jaydeb, 22, #106246 THAT’S MY CUPCAKE! I love going to the movies, going out for dinner and drinks. Going to baseball games. I enjoy paint- ing, reading a good book or just listening to some good music. VintageLakeHouse, 26, g , #106088 SNOWBOARDING RAGER/ EX-YUMMER! I like the outdoors. I’m a blazer. I like music. I’m distracted easily. I like to travel. I like to organize. I love food. I like to Rage. BusBoy186, 20, g , #105839 GLENN BECK SUCKS Quirky gay boy, scientific mind, well kept and hygienic. Enjoys cuddling under the stars, good music, and Dan Savage’s column. Nonsmoker, 18, tall, open minded, passionate. viriproviri, 18, g , #105543 BOBBY BARE JR You: pigtails and BBj hat Me: guy with mustache (we talked) -Hope to see you at his downtown whare- show show on 6/6 :) Will i see u there? When: Wednesday, April 13, 2011. Where: Sam Bonds. You: Woman. Me: Man. #902115 PERFECT FOR ME “BORED, LONELY FEELING I would say I love hiking, rafting, & volleyball but don’t have much energy for that. I do love the outdoors and a decent chat. Maybe a movie and coffee? ohhaiitsjustme, 33, g , #106282 FRIENDS + MUSIC seeking band-mates who are in love with sound and are not very grouchy, to make fun songs, interesting songs, lovely songs, and songs that have to do with weather. and_jellyfish, 27, g , #105559 I always tell you to read these right? Thought you should know, I want you in my life. Just friends today. Fate always does it’s job with us. When: Sunday, May 29, 2011. Where: Sunday. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902114 don't have a computer but want to place a personals ad? VANESSA MI MARIPOSA Your lips,your eyes,your soul,are like a work of art.The most creative thing of all is your beautiful heart. You make my heart drum out a thunderous beat.I love you mami always. When: Wednesday, June 25, 2008. Where: At my front door.... You: Woman. Me: Man. #902113 Place an ad with EW directly, responses sent to us by snail mail $25 for four weeks, 30 words or less 541-484-0519 1251 Lincoln St 8am-5pm BY ROB BREZSNY ARIES (March 21-April 19): The fi lm The Men Who Stare at Goats tells the story of the U.S. army’s efforts to harness psychic powers for military purposes. It’s not entirely a work of the imagination. In fact, there’s substantial evidence that such a program actually existed. As the movie begins, a caption on the screen informs viewers that “More of this is true than you would believe.” I suspect there’ll be a comparable situation unfolding in your life in the coming weeks, Aries. As you experience a rather unusual departure from your regularly scheduled reality, fact and fi ction may be deeply intertwined. Will you be able to tell them apart? TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I dreamed you were a member of an indigenous tribe in what Westerners call New Guinea. You had recently begun to show unusual behavior that suggested you were developing enhanced cognitive abilities. You’d solved one of the tribe’s long-standing problems, were spontaneously spouting improvised poetry, and had been spotted outside late at night having animated conversations with the stars. Some of your friends and relatives were now referring to you by a new name that in your native tongue meant “the one who dances naked with the deities.” How would you interpret my dream, Taurus? I think it suggests you could be on the verge of growing an intriguing new capacity or two. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In the far northern reaches of Ilulissat, a town in Greenland, the sun sets for good on Nov. 29 every year and doesn’t rise again until Jan. 13. Or at least that was the case until 2011. This year, to the shock of locals, sunlight broke over the horizon on Jan. 11 — two days ahead of schedule. Though a few alarmists theorized that this disturbance in the age-old rhythm was due to a shift in the Earth’s axis or rotation, scientists suggested that the cause was global warming: Melting ice has caused the horizon to sink. I expect something equally monumental to make an appearance in your world soon, Gemini. Can you handle an increased amount of light? CANCER (June 21-July 22): I’m not a big fan of the “No Pain, No Gain” school of thought. Personally, I have drummed up more marvels and wonders through the power of rowdy bliss than I have from hauling thousand-pound burdens across the wasteland. But I do recognize that in my own story as well as in others’, hardship can sometimes provoke inspiration. I think it may be one of those moments for you, Cancerian. Please accept this medicinal prod from the ancient Roman poet Horace: “Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents that in times of prosperity would have lain dormant.” (July 23-Aug. 22): In his 1934 book Beyond the Mexican Bay, British author Aldous Huxley observed that “the natural rhythm of human life is routine punctuated by orgies.” He was using the word “orgies” in its broadest sense -- not to refer to wild sex parties, but 34 JUNE 2, 2011 EUGENE WEEKLY CONTRADICTIONS ARE FUN. I’m a budding academic who is really disinterested in the pro- fession. I’m also an astrologer. And agnostic. And funny. And sour. And sharp. And soft. Confused? It’s simple, really. thethinker, 21, #105442 SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE Newly single Shy guy, looking for the right one, gonna take my time deciding. SinglySHY, 31, g , #106236 Free Will Astrology LEO DANCING FIDDLE MAKER Mermaid Carver, ViolinGuitar Maker, Artist, Dancer, Woodsman, Lover of Nature, Gardener, Farmer, Rain Showers, Skinny Dipper, Lover of Tropics, Beethoven, Bob Marley, Grateful Dead, Jazz, Arts, seeking Natural Hippie Woods Woman. fiddle- mon, 56, ☎, g , #106192 BRAZILIAN JIU-JITSU GIRL We smiled at downtown BofA ATMs. You: Beautiful Arabic(?) skin and hair with a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu patch on backpack. I wore a base- ball cap, and light blue T-shirt. Totally dig!! When: Tuesday, May 24, 2011. Where: BofA ATMS on 11th & Pearl. You: Woman. Me: Man. #902111 rather to cathartic eruptions of passion, uninhibited indulgence in revelry, and spirited rituals of relief and release. That’s the kind of orgy you’re due for, Leo. It’s high time to punctuate your routine. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do,” wrote the essayist Walter Bagehot. Personally, I don’t think that’s the supreme joy possible to a human being; but it defi nitely has a provocative appeal. May I recommend that you explore it in the coming weeks, Virgo? The astrological omens suggest you’re in an excellent position to succeed at an undertaking you’ve been told is unlikely or even impossible for you to accomplish. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): When people unsubscribe from my newsletter, they’re asked to say why they’re leaving. In a recent note, a dissatisfi ed customer wrote, “Because you are a crackhead who makes no sense. You sound like you write these horoscopes while you’re stoned on mushrooms.” For the record, I not only refrain from crack and magic mushrooms while crafting your oracles; I don’t partake of any intoxicants at any other time, either — not even beer or pot. I’m secretly a bit proud, however, that the irate ex-reader thinks my drug- free mind is so wild. In the coming week, Libra, I invite you to try an experiment inspired by this scenario: Without losing your mind, see if you can shed some of the habitual restrictions you allow to impinge on the free and creative play of your mind. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The roots of big old trees are your power objects. I advise you to visualize them in your mind’s eye for a few minutes each day, maybe even go look at actual trees whose roots are showing above ground. Doing this will strengthen your resolve and increase your patience and help you fi nd the deeper sources of nurturing you need. Another exercise that’s likely to energize you in just the right way is to picture yourself at age 77. I suggest you create a detailed vision of who you’ll be at that time. See yourself drinking a cup of tea as you gaze out over a verdant valley on a sunny afternoon in June. What are you wearing? What kind of tea is it? What birds do you see? What are your favorite memories of the last 30 years? SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): If you’re a physicist or Wall Street broker, your assignment this week is to read the poetry of Pablo Neruda (bit.ly/NerudaSongs). If you’re a kirtan-chanting yogini or the author of a New Age self-help newsletter, your task is to read up on the scientifi c method (bit.ly/ScienceMethod). If you’re white, be black, and vice versa. If you’re yellow, be violet, and if red, be green. If you’re a tight-fi sted control freak, try being a laid-back connoisseur of the mellowest vibes imaginable — and vice versa. It’s Mix-It-Up Week, Sagittarius — a time to play with fl ipping and fl opping your usual perspectives, roles, and angles. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Describing muckraking journalist Peter Freyne, Sen. Patrick Leahy said, “He knew the difference between healthy skepticism and hollow cynicism.” Mastering that distinction happens to be your next assignment, Capricorn. Can you distinguish between your tendency to make compulsive negative judgments and your skill at practicing thoughtful and compassionate discernment? My reading of the astrological omens suggests that you will have a successful week if you do. Not only that: The universe will conspire to bring you blessings you didn’t even realize you needed. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “There is time for work,” said fashion designer Coco Chanel, “and time for love. That leaves no other time.” I understand and sympathize with that perspective. But I’m going to beg you to make an exception to it in the coming weeks, Aquarius. In addition to getting a healthy quota of work and love, please do your best to carve out a few hours specifi cally devoted to engaging in unadulterated, unapologetic, unbridled play — the kind of fl at-out, free-form, full-tilt fun and games that has the effect of permanently increasing your levels of liberation. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Although I myself have an intimate ongoing relationship with the Divine Wow, it’s perfectly fi ne with me if other people don’t. Some of my best friends are atheists and agnostics. But I must admit that I laughed derisively when I heard that the supposed genius named Stephen Hawking declared, with the fanatical certainty of a religious fundamentalist, that heaven does not exist. How unscientifi c of him! The intellectually honest perspective is, of course, that there’s no way to know for sure about that possibility. I bring this up, Pisces, as an example of what not to do. It’s particularly important right now that you not be blinded by your theories about the way things work. If you put the emphasis on your raw experience rather than your preconceived biases, you will be blessed with as much beauty and truth as you can handle. HOMEWORK: Talk about a time when an unexpected visitation cracked open a hole in your shrunken reality so as to let juicy eternity pour in: Freewillastrology.com. Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny's EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES and DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700. WWW.EUGENEWEEKLY.COM • BLOGS.EUGENEWEEKLY.COM
