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About Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 21, 2008)
GORGEOUS GENIUS DEAR TINA & LOUIE ROCK MY VOTE MENS HEALTH GROUP we viewed each other on cupid. missed contacting you. me: psychotherapist, tall, wicked smart, very playful, high emotional i.q. if you sup- ply email, ill send photo. Write to blind box “Gorgeous Genius” ✍ I felt a nice warm vibe from you both when we met at the Kiva on Mon. 2/4/08. Me: black beret & grayish goatee. Maybe we could coordinate our shop- ping schedules & meet there again? ✍ 2650 Sen. Obama. Hope to see you in Eugene in the Spring! Revolution? Health group forming. Hiking, weight lifting, massage, team sports. 20’s & 30’s, bi & bi-curi- ous. ✍ 2640 MY HEROES Close call last Feb! Glad you have friends who cover for you! Sorry about your whining alcoholic 2nd hand roommate. I enjoy our morning ren- dezvous’ also. Dave T. To the gentleman who found my purse at 30th & Main and took it to the Springfield police station, THANK YOU! There should be more people in this world like you. DON W. MANCHESTER No coincidence running into to you two days in a row. I regret not being more outgoing. Wanna make friends? Same times and places? HOTTIE VAMPIRE You, Me at Springfield Family Physicians Lab. You the hot, petite vampire. You’re leaving, I am having sadness! Who will palpitate my throbbing veins when you’re gone? You’ll be missed.......... HUMBLE CONNECTION We saw you, working with humble heart across the alley as we dish out our beautiful OG produce. Shall we bowl? ✍ 2654 NOWHERE I’ll see you again, but nay will you be there. And then there you’ll be, but I’ll be waiting here. And I’ll keep on search- ing, for I’ve found you nowhere. ✍ 2653 SCARY GUY AT VD We love your murse aka man purse it’s so frickin sexy you can manage my calls anytime. BROKEN HALLELUJAH EW horoscopes, crosswords, QL, Lword, potlucks, daily CL show & tell, your snorty laugh- ter, your peace, your love, your beautiful eyes & smile. I miss it all. I <3 u SAMMY Fri 2/1 @ cosmic pizza, we talked about the jugglers & our majors but we didn’t have much time to talk about much else, coffee sometime? ✍ sier- ra LEANNA from Rainforest Espresso. I hear you’re shop is no longer. So sad. You’re super cool and oh so beautiful. Let’s go out sometime. Guy in red VW ✍ 2652 CITY OF MOUNTAINS You give me hope and make me think about things I have never thought about, you have been an underlying gravity in my life, you need to know this. ✍ 2648 Mature, petite & young at heart. Fun with experience. Open minded and discrete. In & out calls 653-1565. XXXXXXXXXXX You are beautiful and catchy. I would dip you in some batter and fry you up, you are so deli- cious! Perfect bangs and sports knowledge! Be my belated Valentine BABY! JUNIPER TREE Shade me with your tree. You are the most amazing person I have ever met. I’m so glad you are mine.. Lets raise our family together.. Love Tydye ART SCHOOL GIRL Wherever life takes us, my love will always be with you. MY SWEET CHIPMUNK I was a fool to break our trust. I beg you to forgive me so we can share the rest of our lives together. I’m sorry for every- thing. Love, Chubby. CAMMY How’s the fireball coming along? I trust you have dis- patched Ryu for me. We should meet and discuss our global conquest. I can make you Empress. M. Bison SKY Our old house is unoccupied. Go there and get book from black fridge in garage next to Ford. PHX LOVE OF MY LIFE Day will come. No more cell phones or mountain ranges to separate us. I Love & Adore your Heart & Soul. Happy Valentines Day Kristine. Love Keene 49 YO BI LEZ Newly single. Looking for fun, bush mowing, mild b/d. Safe. Discreet. No strings, drugs, smoking, heavy drinking. Age, gender unimportant. Must love to give oral. 556 ✍ SXY BLONDE 4 BLACK Sexy, thin, blonde housewife seeking endowed black male to help husband fulfill fantasy. Ever wanted to do another man’s sexy wife? email baby- blonde@comcast.net We’re for real! You be too! FRIENDLY FLING Married man missing warm hugs and kisses. HWP, funny, witty, sarcastic and shaved head. Would love to share pas- sion and romance. Lets start with coffee and muffin. Write to blind box “Friendly Fling” ✍ SWINGERS PARTY A PLEASANT SURPRISE Sensual, busty, pretty, atten- tive, sexy massage, tan, classy. Discreet. Wanna play? Couples? Eugene, Florence, Newport, Corvallis. Kristy. 337- 7847 HAPPIER ENDINGS! Hot sex with hot babes! Sign- up for free & get laid tonight! www.ORSexSearch.com. DESIREE’S ESCORTS Sexy, sweet, and seductive. Discreet, classy, and profes- sional. Your pleasure is our business. Desiree’s Escorts. 5 4 1 - 4 3 1 - 7 0 6 5 , www.desireesescorts.com. Indulge in your fantasies! A TRUE JEWEL MRS. ROBINSON Athletic, energetic, good look- ing, long lasting 35 yo seeking to please older women. Hot tubbing, dinner or any other secret rendezvous you desire. Write to blind box “500”✍ Redheaded, BBW, 42DD, 200 lbs. Sensual Erotic Xtacy. Mon- Sat, 10am-10pm. Incall only. 988-0562. ARE YOU FREE? CHUCKLES DOMINA/COMPANION MistressE, curvy, sexy & fun. 541-543-8558. Sultry 30 year young female, wavy blond hair, chocolate brown eyes, golden bronze skin, good listener, nonjudg- mental, classy and sexy. Call me lets have some fun. Incall/outcall by apt. 541-543- 0202. Attractive couple looking for couples to get together for a swingers party at our place for more information please con- tact us. Write to blind box “Swingers Party” ✍ Middle aged, middle sized, middle sexed, bi-male, consid- erate, organic, vegan, long lasting, energetic, creative, love to give oral, eager to please and enjoy, clean, bi- friendly, honest, couple or sin- gle man or woman. Corvallis area. ✍ 2574 WORDS OF PURE WISDOM by Dan Savage ALL THE FREAKS Calling all the freaks! Want to show the world how freaky deaky you can be? Help us pre- pare our "Freak of the Day" calendar. Send pictures of you in all your freaky splendor. Write Blind Box: "Freaky." TANNER FREYA... ...where have you gone? We raged and torn this town apart with our ninja skillz, now your no where to be seen...Come find me, you know where i am. LOST CONTACT Debra Reid, I lost your contact information. Please Call Duane Smith, Ashland’s Lithia Springs Resort. 540 660 8806, or email me at duane@ashland- magazine.com Savage Love MADISON PLAYMATES ENTERTAIN- MENT Choose the right playmate for your needs. Private shows, Bachelor Parties, Body rub down, Hot tub shows, Erotic dances and much more. Open 24/7. Call 541-337-5820. Myspace.com/playmatesent. Daylyn, Chuckles is looking for you. 760-553-4555. EW! IT’S PERSONAL WINK & KINK Eugene Weekly will soon be launching a fun, brand new, totally local personals site. To be among the first to know about the news and special offers, sign up at www.eugeneweekly.com I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is 30. He’s been married three times and has six chil- dren from a variety of women. I know, I know, it sounds bad. But he’s one of those guys who wanted a family. Anyway, long story short, I feel insecure because he has had a MILLION experiences and I have not. So I asked him to take his porn off our computer. He did so. When I came home today and sat at the computer, I noticed there was lubricant next to the keyboard. I thought to myself, “That’s not where I saw you last.” I looked at his folders (I KNOW: violation of privacy) and I didn’t see any porn. So I went to the internet browser to look at the “history” and guess what? It had all been deleted. I know his computer is not set to automatic history clearance, so he had to clear it manually. Can I be a bitch and ask him about this? “I noticed that you deleted your history—and what is the lube doing here?” Or should I let it drop? I know it’s unrealistic to expect him never to masturbate. I just don’t want him looking at other girls while he does. My bitchy side is just ROARING to get out. HELP! Keep The Bitch Caged What we have here, KTBC, is a failure to correctly diagnose the problem. Why is this 30-year-old, thrice-married, six-times-a-father guy with you? Because men like your boyfriend prefer to date pathetic, inexperienced 20-year-olds because they’re foolish enough—you are foolish enough—to swallow his bullshit (“I’m one of those guys who always wanted a family”) and regurgitate it on cue (“He’s one of those guys who always wanted a family”). Someone who wants a family doesn’t start and destroy three of them before age 30. Those aren’t the actions of an aspiring family man, little miss, those are the actions of a sociopath. As for his masturbatory habits, KTBC, as I see it, the more of his supercharged spunk that winds up in dirty T-shirts and crusty socks, the better. Married three times, six kids by a variety of women, and a 20-year-old girlfriend who, due to her youth and inexperience, fails to see his marital and reproductive histories for the relationship-ending deal breakers they ought to be, and who sends advice columnists letters about his porn use instead of, say, the most effective possible forms of birth control available to her: Once again, KTBC, the more of his spunk that winds up in the laundry, and not in you, the better. Dump him. DTMFA. And find a new boyfriend—not one who never masturbates, as that man doesn’t exist. All men masturbate (most women do, all should), all men look at porn (many women do, more should), and all women need to get over the porn and masturbation thing. If you want a male in your life who you can order never to look at porn or mastur- bate—if you want a male you can castrate—get a dog. Just before I married, I got a CB-2000 male chastity device and gave it to my wife as a joke Xmas present. She had previous mates fool around on her and I wanted to let her know I was serious. We played with it some and a year later she got me a CB-3000. Soon she was keeping me in it for a week at a time. Now she keeps me in it for a month at a time. While I have adjusted to this, I miss being able to masturbate when I want to. I have tried to talk her into allowing me to be free again and she refuses. It’s not that she’s afraid I will fool around, but she believes that I’m more attentive, caring, and loving when kept in this con- dition. Is it becoming more common for wives to keep their husbands in chastity? Lost Over Cock Kept Erotically Denied No, LOCKED, it’s not. Unfortunately, bullshit letters are all too common. So you bought an expensive male chastity device as a gag gift—those CB-2000s start at $150—because, hey, there’s nothing a woman with adultery issues wants more at Christmas than a gag gift that plays on her fears and insecurities. You must be a gas at funerals, LOCKED. And now your wife keeps your dick locked up for a month at a time. Against your will. And you’re powerless to do anything about it. Uh-huh. If your wife keeps you in chastity—if you have a wife—it’s because being locked up in a CB-3000 turns you on. Like most male chastity fetishists, you find the scenario more excit- ing if it’s something your wife does to you, not something you have to beg the wife to do, but you can’t expect the rest of us to play along. If you want to see your fetish discussed in Savage Love, just be honest. Send me a letter that says, “Write about the freaky shit that turns me on!” But don’t make up some bullshit scenario. Oh, and KTBC? You have options besides a castrated dog: Dump the motherfucker you’re with, go to the message boards at www.malechastityforum.com, and you’ll find guys whose ultimate fantasy is being with a woman so insecure, or so controlling, that she wants to keep his cock under lock and key. I am a 25-year-old gay man. I love sex. So does my boyfriend. The problem is that my boyfriend ejaculates prematurely when he bottoms. When he tops, he can hump me all day and it’s awesome—but when I stick it in his ass, we only have about 60 seconds before he ejaculates. He does not jack off while he bottoms and I have never seen anything like it. The first time it happened, of course I felt like a hot stud. After the fifth time, I was wishing the ride lasted longer. Sixty seconds just isn’t enough time to fully enjoy the awesomeness that is butt sex. I asked him about it and he said that this quick splooge has always hap- pened when he bottoms and he doesn’t think there is anything he can do. (So much for feeling like a stud.) Is there anything we can do to prolong the fuck? He never ejaculates so quickly other- wise. I am in love, he gives a great blowjob, and I’ll stay with him no matter what. But if you have any suggestions… Timed Out Man Just one: After your boyfriend comes, leave your dick in his ass. Stop fucking, stay very still, and concentrate on keeping your erection. After a minute or two, once the boyfriend’s orgasmic contractions have subsided, slowly start fucking him again. He’ll have to breathe deep, concentrate on relaxing, and, yes, give it up for you, suffer a bit, take it like the bot- tom bitch he is (at that moment, not all the time), etc. It’s the only way you’ll ever get to spend more than 60 seconds fucking his ass—he’s got a hair-trigger (or cock-trigger) prostate, and always will. Your only option for a nice, long, leisurely fuck, TOM, is to keep fucking him after he comes, when the pleasure is drained— quite literally—out of the action for him. Tits on the boyfriend? Tabasco on the clit? Tranny sacks? Readers’ answers to those unanswerable questions are up now at www.thestranger.com/savage/stumped. Download Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage. mail@savagelove.net Spam Free -We Promise WWW.EUGENEWEEKLY.COM • BLOGS.EUGENEWEEKLY.COM EUGENE WEEKLY FEBRUARY 21, 2008 43
