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About Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current | View Entire Issue (Jan. 10, 2008)
TO PLACE A CLASSIFIED AD CALL 484.0519 MYSTERY SHOPPERS. Get paid to shop! Retail/Dining establishments need under- cover clients to judge quality/customer service. Earn up to $70 a day. Call 800-901- 9370. (AAN CAN) HOME REFUND JOBS. Earn $3,500-$5,000 Weekly Processing Company Refunds Online! Guaranteed Paychecks! No Experience Needed! Positions Available Today! Register Online Now! http://www.RebateWork.com (AAN CAN) DRIVERS: FLAT BROKE? Think Flatbed! Home Weekends! Avg $55-65K! MaxiFB. Take Truck Home. CDL-A. Free Benefits! 866-394- 1944 x117. BARTENDERS NEEDED: Looking for part/full time bartenders. Several positions avail- able. No experience required. Hourly wages and tips make up to $300/shift. Call (800) 806-0082 ext. 200 (AAN CAN) COOL TRAVEL JOB!! One Month paid Training! $500 Sign on Bonus Must be free to travel & Start Today. 1-800-735-7409. (AAN CAN) PART TIME 20+ hrs. weekly, M-F, afternoons, experienced Barista food service position in downtown transit station. Honest. Kind. Bring resume in person, 1090 Willamette St., before 2 pm. Volunteer Opportunities VOLUNTEERS NEEDED for SARA’s Treasures thrift shop & cat adoption center. Your fun, rewarding 5 hour shift per week will help us save lives! www.sarastreasures.org. 871 River Road, Eugene (541) 607-8892. Career Training WRITERS WANTED The Academy for Alternative Journalism, established by papers like this one to promote diversity in the alternative press, seeks talented jour- nalists and students (college seniors and up) for a paid summer writing program at Northwestern University’s Medill School of Journalism. The eight-week program (June 22 - August 17, 2008) aims to recruit talent- ed candidates from diverse backgrounds and train them in alt-weekly style feature writing. Ten participants will be chosen and paid $3,000 plus housing and travel allowances. For information and an applica- tion visit aaj.aan.org. You may also email us at altacademy@northwestern.edu. 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Start immediately. 1-800-405- 7619 ext. 150. http://www.easywork-great- pay.com (AAN CAN) MAKE $150/HOUR Get Paid Cash for Your Opinion! Earn $5 to $75 to fill out simple surveys online. Start NOW! http://www.paidchoice.com (AAN CAN) $700,-$800,000 FREE CASH GRANTS/PRO- GRAMS-2007! Personal bills, School, Business/Housing. Approx. $49 billion unclaimed 2006! Almost everyone qualifies! Live operators. Listings, 1-800-592-0362, ext. 235 (AAN CAN) POST OFFICE jobs available! Avg. pay $20/hour or $57K annually, including Federal Benefits and OT. Paid training, Vacations. PT/FT. 1-866-616-7019 USWA. (AAN CAN) Building Materials BREATHTAKING CHERRY LAMINATE Wood flooring, $.95/sf, 4” wide. 541-255-3390. FLOORING- PREMIUM Laminate-very best quality. Maintenance free. $.79/sf-2100/sf in boxes/will divide. 541-255-2911. SALSA DANCE t h F RI D AY , Ja n u ar y 1 1 TANGO CENTER! Le s s o n 9 -1 0 p m • D a nc e st a r ts a t 1 0 p m $ 5 • A l l A g es ! F re e c of f e e & s n ac k s! S A LS A L E S SO N S E V ER Y T H R U S D A Y 6 - 7 P M D r op i n’ s we l c om e! TANGO CENTER! W he re t h e re ’ s S al s a ev e r y F r id a y & T a ng o e v er y S a tu r d ay 194 W. Broadway Ave., Eugene • 514-1393 ww w . n o rt h we st s a ls ad a nc e n ew s . c om Greenhill ❊ Pet of the Week ❊ Everybody deserves a good home Spencer is a sociable, happy fella who gets along with dogs and cats. He loves to explore, so take him for a daily jog and an occasional hike. Spencer is a large dog with a lot of energy who would be a great addi- tion to an active family with a lot of yard space. Come visit Spencer at Greenhill Humane Society, located at 88530 Green Hill Rd., in West Eugene. Hours are Friday through Tuesday 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. His adoption fee is $97. Greenhill requires that all human and canine mem- bers of a potential adoptive family come to the shel- ter to meet the dog before it can go to a new home. 541-689-1503 • www.green-hill.org 88530 Greenhill Rd Hours: Fri-Tu 11am-6pm • Closed Wednesday & Thursday ¡ASK A MEXICAN! BY GUSTAVO ARELLANO Dear Mexican: I feel that the more Mexicans who come to this country, the better. I am a Mormon, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In our Book of Mormon, on page 54, it says on the left side of the page in verse 6, "There shall none come into this land save they shall be brought by the hand of the Lord." I want as many Mexicans in this country as possible, and then I want to tell them about Joseph Smith and get them baptized and enjoy the blessings of the temple. Come on down — you are welcome by me. — Love my Brown Brothers Dear Gabacho: Gracias for your welcom- ing heart, even if your ulterior motive is stealing Mexicans away from the Virgin of Guadalupe for a religion requiring magic underwear. While we’re talking about Moroni worshippers, can you do me a favor and ask Mitt Romney why he’s such an ingrate toward Mexicans? After all, Romney would’ve probably been some Jack Mormon jerk-off if it weren’t for porous fronteras and living in vio- lation of a country’s laws. His great-grandfather Miles Park Romney fled los Estados Unidos for Mexico during the 1880s to escape American authorities and continue his polygamous ways, while Mitt’s papi George was born in Chihuahua and therefore more Mexican that your typical Chicano Studies major. Not only that, but Pancho Villa’s troops were kind enough to not massacre Mormon colonies during the Mexican Revolution, thus allowing the infant George and his family to return home and ensure Mitt’s Brilliantined hair would grace America. One final point, Brown Brothers: por favor tell Mitt and all other Mexican-hating LDSers that the Book of Mormon requires amnesty for illegals. The above quote you cited came from the Second Book of Nephi and is a wonderful passage, but what about the one before it? 2 Nephi 1:5 tells the Saints that Lehi prophesized about America, "Yea, the Lord hath covenanted this land unto me, and to my children forever, and also all those who should be led out of other countries by the hand of the Lord." Hear that, Mitt? Let my gente go — into the United States with free health care, por supuesto. How can a white guy learn how to type in Spanish? Not learn the language — how do you make the keyboard type Spanish charac- ters? — Carpal Tunnel Cabrón Dear Gabacho: It depends on what operating system you use and what you’re trying to type. To make an acute accent appear on a Macintosh, hold down the Option key, hit the E key, release Option, then type the vowel you want accented. Spanish’s other diacritics get registered rough- ly the same way. An umlaut appears by pressing Option, hitting the U key, releasing Option and hitting U again; do the same if you want a tilde, but substitute the N key for U. For upside-down exclamation points, hold down Option and hit the 1 key — ¡Voila! An upside-down question mark is a bit trickier — hold down Option plus Shift, then punch the question-mark key, ¿comprende? Microsoft Word is somewhat trickier. Upside-down exclamation points and question marks require you push Control plus Alt plus Shift, then type whatever you want flipped around. Acute accents pop up after you hold down Control, then hit the apostrophe key; release and type in your vowel. A tilde: Control+Shift+squiggly mark, release, the letter N. Both Macs and Microsoft require you hold the Shift key after executing the above instructions if you want a diacritic to top a capital letter. And remember, people: no grave accents in Spanish, or tildes on letters other than n — that’s the domain of the mongrel tongue known as Portuguese. Got a spicy question about Mexicans? Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net. Letters will be edited for clarity, cabrones. And include a hilarious pseudonym, por favor, or we’ll make one up for you! www.irunwithscissorsthesalon.com P HONE FOR AN APPOINTMENT : 541-870-0388 T OWNHOUSE P LAZA - 570 L AWRENCE S UITE 112 • E UGENE , OR Gustavo Arellano is an investigative reporter on staff at the OC Weekly in Orange County, California. His "¡Ask a Mexican!" column began in 2004 and today is syndicated in 32 publications nationwide. He is also the author of a book by the same name. An extensive interview with Arellano can be found in the EW archives online for Nov. 29, 2007. JANUARY 10, 2008 37
