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About Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 1, 2007)
Savage Love Abbreviations: A Asian • B Black • Bi Bisexual • C Couple • Ch Christian • D Divorced • F Female • G Gay • H Hispanic HWP Height/ Weight proportionate • J Jewish • M Male • NA No alcohol • NAm Native American • ND No drugs • NS No smoking P Professional • S Single • W White • Wi Widowed • ISO In search of • LTR Long-term relationship Participants in Eugene Weekly Personals must be 18 years or older. To ensure your safety, carefully screen all responses. First meetings should occur in a public place and participants should not divulge addresses. Eugene Weekly does not screen or investigate individuals who place or respond to personals ads and makes no representation as to the character of these individuals. Eugene Weekly will not be responsible for the consequences of any interaction. Not all voice boxes contain voice greetings. BSS As we grow up we learn that even one person that wasn’t;t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You have. What about our porch swing fanta- sy? Loving still, KB. MY HAPPINESS Love is a disease. She is love. Throw the magnet away, I did. Good-bye for now K.J. We too can fall in love a second to late. ☎9561 PUMPKIN You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. I love you, Kiki, and Apple! ☎ 9546 A LONG LIFE AHEAD We met at the grocery store. You asked me to watch a movie. My heart was yours that night. You are my superman. SLACKERS UNITE ISO SEXY FRIEND COUPLE OF LOVERS Fellow SubGeniuses and Discordians of Eugene, let us join together once more, and reclaim this town which once was ours! Call me, and let us unite for grand times, and won- drous merry making. Praise Bob! All hail Discordia! ☎ 9618 Hot sexy couple ISO sexy female to play and party with. Let’s have a drink 2gether and see what happens...Attractive female only please. ☎ 9622 Seeking to share our time and love with another. Looking for a female interested in a simple friendship. We are both early 30’s and attractive. We’re open to you. ☎ 9564 TRANSGIRLS LIKE US Corvallis MWM outdoorsy TG M- F seeks other TG’s to go to movies, museums, hiking, shopping, eating, and talking. ISO friends, not into clubbing, heavy drinking, drugs, or affairs. ☎ 9582 SCI-FI BOOK CLUB Looking to start a book/activi- ty club, focusing on specula- tive fiction and horror, meet- ing once a month to discuss the book we’ve chosen to read as a group. If interested, gim- mie a call! ☎ 9572 WRITERS GROUP Writer’s group forming to meet weekly and discuss works of all types, form poetry n’ prose to short stories and longer works in a friendly, casual atmos- phere for serious writers bent on getting published. Call for details! ☎ 9626 SCI-FI WRITERS CLUB A new writer’s group, focussing on works of science-fiction, fan- tasy, and horror, is forming to cri- tique our works with one anoth- er in a fun, laid back environ- ment, with focus on getting pub- lished! Call if interested! ☎ 9625 GOOD TIMES To all of you at Coach Glass, I wish you the best in Eugene from an old friend Diaz in TX. COUPLE WATCHING MWC looking to watch other MC having sex and vice versa. It can be as crazy or sane as you want. ☎ 9644 TRUCK DRIVERS WANTED Man seeks truck drivers for prostyle wrestling matches at Provo, Utah, 40 to 70 years old, 5’10” to 6’4” tall, 240 to 350 pounds. Wayne, 801-623-1790. WHEN IN GREECE... Hi there, I live in Athens, Greece. Looking for well endowed man to give me sexu- al pleasure. Can you come to me? ☎ 9630 WANTED: OLDER WOMAN CRUDE OIL Attractive, 50, MM, 6’, 190, clean and discreet seeks sexy older woman (70+) for occa- sional afternoons of fun and sex. Please call. ☎ 9617 Kyoto. Telegram from Kuala Lampur. Pirates off Coast of Africa. Tribal Leaders in the Americas. Islam and the Russian Federation. Tip off the Iceberg, for your 25th birthday, hugs. ☎ 9384 LET’S ENJOY OURSELVES Looking for experienced women who know how to oper- ate BeWa Balls. Show me please what they have done for you. It’s seventh heaven all over again. ☎ 9611 MASSAGE Couple, 40s, ISO fit, account- able, playful couple or women for connection, learning, mas- sage and friendship. If you have any questions come check it out BABY! ☎ 9374 PSSST, HEY! 91.9 KRVM serves Breakfast with the Blues every morning of the week! Pass it on! I WANT TO BE KEPT I’m ready to be spoiled by a real gentleman. Lonely? Need a change? I love dates, romance, sensual touches. Must be handsome, kind, very generous, goal oriented, finan- cially secure, active, 30+. Take care of my bills, I’ll take care of you! I’m kind, pretty, sensual, 40, classy, ready for something new! ☎ 9555 SHE’S SO FRESH! Just like lemonade! Eugene proudly welcomes Jade! 223- 6249. SWEET & PETITE A NICE LITTLE TREAT LET’S HAVE SOME FUN Chyna 541-606-3386 Honest. Have a relationship that lacks. Discretion needed. Strong, clean, handsome male. Love to be safe, secure sup- port system for a female and/or couple who like to wig- gle and show off. ☎ 9542 DESIREE’S ESCORTS Oregon’s hottest in adult enter- tainment. Beautiful ladies, upscale, classy, sensual, profes- sional, discreet and confiden- tial. Open 24 hours, your pleas- ure is our business. Call 541-431- 7065, www.desireesescorts.com SWM, 48 SWM seeks voluptuous large breasted lady for discreet hot nasty fun. Age unimportant. Let’s get hot and melt some ice. Must be a good kisser! ☎ 9565 MADISON WORDS OF PURE WISDOM by Dan Savage I regard this column, gentle readers, as a sacred calling and I would never intentionally do anything that would cause you to question my judgment. Sound judgment, after all, is the professional advice columnist’s most precious commodity. Nevertheless, I have—once again—stupidly auctioned off the right to give advice in this space. Every once in a while some do-gooder gets me shitfaced and the next thing I know I’m raising money for some dumbass charity. (This week’s column is feeding the homeless—you know, in addition to clothing them.) Auctioning off the column is a risky business because what if the winning bidders are assholes? What if they spew bullshit? What if they cruelly abuse readers seeking my counsel? And what if they’re better at all of that than I am? Because being an asshole, spewing bullshit, and cruelly abusing readers is my goddamn job. And it’s not in my best interest to create the impression that just anyone can do this shit. Meet the winning bidders: Steve Lippman and his lovely wife, Marla Russo. Steve is a 37-year-old Jewish dude who does advocacy work for a socially responsible investment firm that I’m not allowed to name in my skeezy advice column. Marla works in public health and was raised Catholic. For the sake of the folks whose letters they’re responding to, I’m hoping Steve and Marla are good at this. But for the sake of my own job security, gentle readers, I’m hoping Steve and Marla totally suck. I hope you post this note as a warning. I recommend that everybody stay away from Craigslist. When I started looking at the personals on Craigslist, I was fascinated (there are some freaks out there), but I was also looking for pictures with bare female flesh. After I exhausted the pages for cities in the U.S., I started looking at ads posted in other countries. That’s when I noticed that the same hot babe in Finland posted the same picture in six different U.S. states and four different countries. She wasn’t the only one posting the same ad in many different places. When I realized that all these offers for NSA sex were scams, I lost interest in even looking at the pictures. Your readers should know that hot anonymous sex is unlikely to occur—at least through Craigslist—and focus their efforts elsewhere. Don’t Be Fooled STEVE: If something seems too good to be true, it probably is. On the internet, that applies to: (1) offers for creams to help men “grow extra inches”; (2) chain e-mails claiming that if you forward them, you’ll get cash from Bill Gates/a big pharmaceutical company will give free drugs to a poor kid with cancer; and (3) Craigslist ads for no-strings-attached sex posted by women with pictures that look remarkably similar to porn stars or Lindsay Lohan. But there are real women on Craigslist. Some of them post for NSA sex in the Casual Encounters sec- tion, and many more post in other categories, like Women Seeking Men, Women Seeking Women, and Missed Connections. I know this because five years ago I met my own “too good to be true” wife by answer- ing her Craigslist ad (which I want my in-laws to know was NOT a posting for NSA sex). MARLA: SA sex is fun, too. DAN: Okay, that wasn’t too bad—although it would be nice if Marla would shut the fuck up and let Steve get a word in edgewise. But Steve and Marla weren’t nearly abusive enough to DBF, who comes across like a total douche. A true advice professional would call attention to DBF’s total douchebaggery. Grade: B-. I’m sure you’ve answered a question like this before or have refused to answer on principle, but… where can you find down-to-earth, laid-back gay men? I’m trying to avoid the online-dating thing because it’s not really romantic, but trying to meet guys in a large room with a remix of a remix bouncing in the background isn’t working either. Little Or No Effort Sinsual Erotic Xtacy. BBW, 42DD, 200 lbs. 10am-10pm, Mon-Sat. Incall Only. 988-0562. find sex partners! Meet real people for sex Sign up FREE Get laid TONIGHT STEVE: In less than five minutes of internet searching, I found the Steel City Skiers, a group for gay skiers and snowboarders in Pittsburgh; Gapers Block, a Chicago book club for gays and lesbians who read books about the Windy City or by authors from that area; Bottom Dwellers, a gay-and-lesbian scuba-diving club in Seattle; and OUTdoors KC, “a gay-inclusive club for those interested in biking, hiking, walking, camp- ing, and other outdoor recreational activities in Kansas City.” Point is, even if you don’t like online person- als, with little or no effort you are only a few clicks away from finding a group of gay men who live near you and like whatever scene you do. MARLA: Nice job, Steve. DAN: Blah blah, Marla! Let the man talk! But Steve really pounds his point home—and even works LONE’s sign-off into his response. B+. www.orsexsearch.com I’m hoping you can give me some advice. I’m a happily married 27-year-old female. The problem is that I’ve never been able to have an orgasm. I had several relationships before my husband and none of those men were able to get me to orgasm. I’ve tried to masturbate several times, but am not able to reach orgasm. Are some women physically incapable of having an orgasm? Do you have any advice for me? This is upsetting my husband, and he feels like he’s failing. Not Coming Around MARLA: It’s a commonly cited statistic that 70 percent of women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone, so one question is whether your husband and previous sex partners have provided you with enough clitoral stimulation with their hands, mouths, plush toys, etc., for you to orgasm. You haven’t given yourself much clitoral stimulation either if you’ve only masturbated a few times. Putting pressure on yourself with expectations from you or your husband isn’t going to help the situa- tion any. But putting pressure on yourself with a Hitachi Magic Wand or other vibrators may help a whole lot! Vibrators are so popular these days that it’s only a matter of time until Apple comes out with cute white iVibes that let you listen to music, make cell-phone calls, send e-mail, and watch YouTube videos all while stimulating your clitoris. Until then, there are great options available online at www.babeland.com and www.goodvibrations.com. Take some time to experiment on your own with what feels good. If that works for you, you can incorporate it into sex with your husband. STEVE: If you still can’t orgasm, you should talk to your doctor because there are a few hormone dis- orders, medications you may be on, or other medical conditions that can prevent orgasm. Some might say to start with this step, but quality time with a new vibrator is more fun than talking to your doctor about this issue, and might just be the cure. Plus, you can get a vibrator delivered to your door faster than you can get an appointment with most HMO doctors. DAN: Marla and Steve’s joint response to NCA was exhaustive, helpful, and informative. Hell, I learned a thing or two. A+. But their response lacked the bile, invective, profanity, tangents, and poop jokes that are the hallmark of a true advice professional at work. My job is saved! For more from Marla and Steve—Marla explains why breastfeeding is the “best” birth-control option; Steve and Marla lay into one total douche—go to eugeneweekly.com. A new Savage Love podcast is available for download every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage. mail@savagelove.net SAVAGE LOVE IS PROUDLY SPONSORED BY: 5SJBMDPEF0UIFS$JUJFT FEBRUARY 1, 2007 39
