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Participants in Eugene Weekly Personals must be 18 years or older. To ensure your safety, carefully screen all responses. First meetings should occur in a public place and participants should not divulge addresses. Eugene Weekly does not screen or investigate individuals who place or respond to personals ads and makes no representation as to the character of these individuals. Eugene Weekly will not be responsible for the consequences of any interaction. Not all voice boxes contain voice greetings. SICK OF PORTLAND SENSUAL EXCHANGE BE CHOOSY Liberal bicycling punk rocker seeks contacts and info about living in Eugene. I am very interested in moving there by summer 2009! Clue me in please... ☎ 2443 SWM seeks sexy female for massage, hot tubs, oral fun. I’m 6’, 165 lbs, very hung, very sensual, exchange fantasy or roll playing. Race unimportant 40-56 yrs. ☎ 2484 Not finding “the one”? Place your own ad! It's free, easy, and full of possibilities. MY MUSHROOM QUEEN STOCKING STUFFER Where is my sweet hippie mama mushroom queen? I hope your compass leads you back to me someday. I’ll be waiting. ☎ 2530 Single, straight, sane, shyish, sincere and exceedingly busy. HWP, WM, 53. Blond/blue ISO HWP female for occasional safe, sensual encounters. ☎ 2460 HERE’S TO YOU! Andy, you are the light of my life. Loving you forever & always. Love Peanut. ANOTHER DELICIOUS Breakfast. SP, you amaze me beyond words. I’m the luckiest. You breathe life into my heart and love into my soul. I love you. ~Stranger SEEKING MAN-DOG Need man dog. Must be obedi- ent and house trained. If bad will be spanked with the news- paper. Will feed and cuddle. ☎ 2529 Seeking lady friend for hubby, he’s tall handsome, kind and lots of fun..please no ques- tions.. ☎ 2449 Single professional male early 60s seeks bi-singles and/or couples for evenings/week- ends of pleasure in a safe, clean environment. ☎ 2457 CURVY IS BEST Dom 40’s male searching for BBW lady for SMBD exploration, fun, teasing to nurtured disci- pline. Safe sane play, ND, STD free and discreet. Do you want to be a good girl? ☎ 2496 TRYSTING, LADIES? PLAYMATE WANTED BI-MALE SEEKS FUN ISO 20-30 something attrac- tive HWP woman for loving trysts. I’m lean, healthy, a wee bit of a handsome devil, actu- ally. (No heavy drugs/alcohol or smoking please.) ☎ 2495 CAREGIVER? Bi-BSMDsW seeking < 5'5" CPM submissive for hot GS action. Can meet at my house or your place. Caregiver? • Divorce • Custody • Domestic Partners • Child Support WELL HUNG Wife stopped giving you head? Handsome attached man 40 ISO clean,fit, well hung, groomed married man who is interested in part time oral release. Remember well hung! ☎ 2448 FEMALE SEEKS BDSM 25 yr old female seeks BDSM partner. any gender, any sex- uality. 23-35. experienced or not. emotional stability & respect a must. no inter- course. leave message w/ e- mail, zodiac sign. ☎ 2442 DOMINATRIX Mistress E-Erotic 914-0394. SULTRY, SEXY & SASSY Eugene’s Emerald Eyed Beauty, Ms. Jade Stone brings you 5 star service, discretion and respect 24/7. 541-606-1056. A PLEASANT SURPRISE Sensual, busty, pretty, atten- tive, sexy massage, tan, classy. Discreet. Wanna play? Couples? Eugene, Florence, Newport, Corvallis. Kristy. 337- 7847 DAPHNE’S DIRTY DAINTIES Like use panties? Check out mine. Quality unwashed panties and thongs for your enjoyment. Special requests welcome. Pics are available. good4fun247@fastermail.com. MADISON Redheaded, BBW, 42DD, 200 lbs. Sensual Erotic Xtacy. Mon- Sat, 10am-10pm. Incall only. 988-0562. $PPQFS “Low Cost, Free Consultation, Payment Plans” Jason D. Castanza 259 East 5th, Suite 200-f • Eugene, OR. 97401 (541) 221-2595 Sam & Kelly celebrated their life union Aug. 8, 2007 Announcing a Life Union For just $32 you can place a 1/32 ad to proclaim your Life Union in Eugene Weekly. Your ad would be listed with Announcements in our Classified section. Actual ad size 2.25” x 1.542” Includes picture and up to 30 words. Call 484-0519 Do you want to place a personals ad? Ad placement and message retrieval are FREE! % & 4 * ( / 1 ) 0 5 0 ( 3 " 1 ) : FNBJMUPEE!FVHFOFXFFLMZDPN PSDBMM Savage Love WORDS OF PURE WISDOM by Dan Savage I’m 19, female, bisexual, and have been with the same guy for a year and things are great. I came home for Christmas and he went to his parents’ house, and I’ll see him in a few weeks. For Christmas, my mom got me some typical “mom” gifts—socks and underwear—but the panties had Disney princesses on them. I feel like a pedophile just owning them! I get it: She doesn’t like the idea that I might be having sex, especially with the alarming rate that babies are popping out of teenage girls—but, come on. Holiday Blues Even if Mom was trying to send you a coded message—and I am not convinced that was her intent—you can turn the lemons of your mother’s disapproval into the lemonade of a good, safe, responsible sex life. So Mom is not happy about her daughter being sexually active—that’s too bad for Mom, right? Show Mom that her fears were misplaced by making sure you don’t get your 19-year-old ass knocked up or knocked around. As for feeling like a pedophile, HB, there’s nothing pedo about a 19-year-old bi chick in Disney- princess underpants. A little girl in those panties is innocent and darling. A sexually active 19- year-old in those panties is ironic and daring. (A quick poll of straight men—or man, as the sample size was small—also revealed that 100 percent consider 19-year-old bisexual girls in Disney panties “sexy as fucking hell.”) So when your boyfriend eats your pussy through a pair of your new Disney underpants—when he filters your vaginal secretions through an image of Jasmine or Ariel or Belle—he will not only be helping you assert your right to sexual fulfillment despite your mother’s disapproval, HB, but helping you deconstruct a patriarchal heteronormative discourse that reifies female purity and holds up female undergarments as moral status markers. And when he services your clit, HB, the boyfriend will also be servicing those princesses. His efforts will transform them into the fully sexual beings their corporate creators never intended them to be. To think your boyfriend can accomplish all of that—and strike a blow against repressive monarchical systems, too—just by eating your pussy while you wear your new panties, HB! And all you have to do is lie back, pull the stick out of your ass, and enjoy. I realize Savage Love is a sex-advice column (as evidenced by much vulgar language), but I’m going to ask anyway. (1) What is your definition of love? (2) How do you know if you’re in “love”? (3) How do you know if they’re the “one”? Anonymous (1) Love is making out with someone after you’ve blown a load on his/her face. (2) You know you’re in love when you’re eating breakfast in a restaurant together the morn- ing after he/she blew a load on your face and you suddenly realize that you didn’t wash your face when you got out of bed that morning and you don’t care. (3) You know he/she is the one when he/she realizes that you’ve just realized that you’re eat- ing breakfast in a restaurant the morning after he/she blew a load on your face and you didn’t wash your face when you got out of bed that morning and he/she smiles, leans over the table, and gives you a kiss. I am a 27-year-old straight male. My girlfriend and I are getting serious, but one issue stands between us and a bright future. It is an issue that literally causes me to lose sleep and it is start- ing to become destructive to our relationship. I have always been paranoid regarding the size of my penis. I know from research that, when erect, I am just slightly to the left of the bell-curve peak. I thought I had learned to accept this. My renewed feeling of insecurity stems from a comment my girlfriend made in an attempt to offer me some reassurance about the size of my genitalia. In an attempt to alleviate my worries, my girlfriend observed that it sometimes hurts when a penis is “really huge.” She then let it slip that her ex-boyfriend of five years was famous in their high school due to “locker-room gossip.” I remember from high school that the only boys who were the subject of locker-room gossip were the ones carrying around a third leg. Further buttressing my fears, my girlfriend confessed that the only time her ex-boyfriend’s penis hurt her was after having three or more encounters in a single day. On a separate note, my girlfriend likes really hard sex. I have had sex with over 30 women in my life and I have never run into a girl who likes sex as hard as she does. The hard- er I bring it, the more she likes it. (Admittedly, I like this aspect.) Unfortunately, I fear that I am not satisfying her due to her having once been accustomed to being roughly used by a man with a very large penis. I have more information that I believe contributes to my feeling that she wants a larger penis, but I would like to keep this reasonably short as I know you are a busy man. But my final thoughts are these: She says she is having the best sex of her life with me. I see two possible explanations for this assertion on her part: (1) She is telling the truth and really is having the best sex of her life with me; or (2) she is not satisfied and is lying to me and eventually our rela- tionship will break down due to her lack of sexual satisfaction. If you are still reading this, then you have my sincere appreciation. All I seek is your blunt, objective opinion, however harsh it may be. Long Insecure Man Pensive Oh my God, LIMP, shut up. Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP. I cut your letter by four-fifths and it’s still fucking interminable. If you’ve managed to land a girlfriend who can put up with your florid rhetorical style—you don’t by chance own a comic-book shop in Springfield, do you?—you should count your blessings and suck up the angst about the size of your dick. I’m sorry, LIMP, but if your girlfriend’s assurances about the quality of your sex life and her preference for average-size cock isn’t enough to set you at ease, nothing I can say in this space is going to do the trick. I’m familiar with dudes like you—insecure bags of slop always harping away about the size of their dicks—and there’s just no debuttressing your fears. Even if your girlfriend was a virgin when you met and yours was the only dick she’d ever laid thighs on, LIMP, you would still be paranoid. You would send me letters insisting that your girlfriend could never truly be sat- isfied with you, having never experienced the substantially more girthsome appendages of males lucky enough to be more impressively endowed blah blah blah. Stop obsessing about your dick, LIMP. Just stop. Your dick is your dick and obsessing about size only makes you miserable. And verbose. If size were all that mattered, Ron Jeremy would be People’s “Sexiest Man Alive” every fucking year instead of, you know, those mouse-dicked moth- erfuckers George Clooney and Matt Damon and Brad Pitt. If knowing your girlfriend used to be with a guy who had a huge dick—with him three or four times a day, for five long, pussy-punishing years—is more than your fragile ego can handle, do your girlfriend a favor and dump her now. Download Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage. mail@savagelove.net SAVAGE LOVE IS PROUDLY SPONSORED BY: You can also purchase a Blind Box for letters for $15 . Call 484-0519 or www.eugeneweekly.com JANUARY 3, 2008 39
