Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current | View Entire Issue (May 13, 2004)
Intuitive Arts MALE WITCH. Psychic readings and counseling. Casting and removal of spells. Contact with spirits. Call 24/7. Tom: 800-419- 3346. Credit, Debit cards. Get back the one you love. (AAN CAN) Massage REJUVENATION HEALTH Spa: Open 10 to 10, 7 days a week. Massage, chiropractic and natural beauty care. 272 W. 11th Ave, Downtown Eugene. Same day often available. Call now 349- 0540. www.rejuv.org MASSAGE SPACE, Seeking LMTs Wellness practitioner to share. $250. total cost. 12th Ave near Lincoln. Call 345-5001. INTRODUCING VIOLET Gypsy’s Traveling Spa. Lavishing you with luscious organic afford- able spa treatments in your own home or garden. Indulge. Ring 686-2069, ask for Iris. General Store ESSENTIAL OILS-free custom evaluation. Eco-Feminist 13 yr.. Bus owner. Free samples, buy at source. 683-4620. Pregnancy Support Weddings BACHELOR, BACHE- LORETTE Parties! Male and Female Dancers available 24/7 for all celebrations, special requests. (541) 606-2486. Writing/Editing SAY IT RIGHT. Writing, editing, proofing, typing (term papers, theses, manuscripts, press releases, letters, reports, brochures, profiles). Angela, 343- 0917; aegremont@aol.com WRITING TUTOR, editor. Papers, essays, artist statements. Call Elizabeth at 912-7727. References. Bodywork HOT TUB, with deep massage. On M, Tu, Th, F. Springfield. #1617. 741-1777. MEDIA MEDIUM. These new wave icons, once reviled over a song that was once thought to praise child abuse, named their band after a contemporary name for television news anchors. DHARMA MASSAGE Center. 343-2745, M-F. Morning discount, 1-1/2 hours, $45, 34th and University, Ms. Nishan VanAtta, LIC#3430. MUSICAL CREEK, canopied forest. Eclectic Intuitive Massage (#5219) tailored to your needs. Sharon 822-3334. Counseling PHILOSOPHICAL COUNSEL- ING. Love, family, career. Find peace of mind Get Results Tap Your Power. Call Barclay, 541-726-9975. EXPERIENCED COUNSELOR. Receive support and learn skills to increase your resourcefulness. Enhance your inner and outer life. Richard Grimaldi, MPW. 344-7604. Health & Nutrition Wellness HEALTHCARE for the entire family, $99.95 monthly. No age restrictions, includes dental, vision, preexisting conditions accepted, unlimited usage, 500,000 doctors. 800-718-8937, limited time offer. (AAN CAN) DISCOUNT PRESCRIPTION drugs. Phentermine, Soma, Tramadol, Ambien, Viagra. Get FedEx delivery direct to your home from a licensed U.S. phar- macy. www.BayRx.com or 1-800- 721-0648. (AAN CAN) MEDICAL MARIJUANA SIGN UP clinics in Cottage Grove. Ongoing appointments available. 541-942-6962. www.somm-net.org HEALTHCARE FOR entire fam- ily, $99 monthly. No age restric- tions, includes dental, vision, pre- existing conditions accepted, unlimited usage, 500,00+ doc- tors, 800-718-8762, limited time offer. (AAN CAN) CHILDBIRTH, PAST AND PRESENT. Free video and panel presentation Thursday, May 13, 5:45-7:30 pm. Downtown Eugene Public Library, Tykeson Room. For more information, please call 284-5948. BIRTH INTO WELLNESS Loving support during pregnancy, birth and the postpartum period. Please contact Shea Hardy, birth and post- partum Doula, at 513-0857 or Birthintowellness@yahoo.com Yoga RIVER ROAD YOGA. Classes, day retreats. Beginning Hatha classes are on Tuesday from 7:30 pm to 9 pm. 344-0553 www.dhar- malaya.com Out of the Area FARM RANCH, 553 acres, Eastern Oregon. 1920s 3 Bdrm, 2 Bath. Hub of recreational area. Private party. 541-523-5013. VIAGRA, $2.40/DOSE. Cialis available. Lowest price refills guaranteed! Call PBG we can help! Non Profit Organization Toll free: 1-866-887-7283. (AAN CAN) Some things in life are FREEEEE When you place a classified line ad it appears on our website! www.eugeneweekly.com 484-0519 • classy@eugeneweekly.com Our work is dedicated to keeping the planet healthy. • A source of quality apparel • A source for business checks • A source for graphic design • A source for organic cotton t-shirts Screen Printing, Embroidery & Stickers for Teams, Schools, Non-profits and Businesses. 541-689-8976 BY ROB BREZSNY ARIES (March 21-April 19): Whirl-Zap-Gush (the Supreme Being formerly known as God) has choreo- graphed a rigorous dance for you to do this week. It has a mix of primal and elegant elements; it’s both meditative and profanely funny. A good title for this mysterious spec- tacle might be “Holy Ruckus” or “Sacred Uproar.” As always, of course, you have free will: You can refuse to do the dance as Whirl-Zap-Gush has choreographed it, and instead go off and try your own spontaneous improvisa- tions. But for maximum beauty, truth, and fulfillment, I suggest you stick with the divinely designed moves. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): It’s time to get a new soundtrack for your life. Whatever music has served as your mythic theme all this time just doesn’t cut it any more. You need to sing and listen to songs that res- onate with the fresh emotional currents that are flowing through you. As you update this primary source of inspi- ration, I suggest you turn your attention to others as well. Look for a book that can change your life, a role model to inflame your imagination, and a pair of magic underpants. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I’m falling in love with you all over again, Gemini. You’ve been turning frus- tration into fuel, and that has impressed me deeply. I’m fascinated by how you’ve been using your sense of des- peration as a good excuse to go crazy in creative and constructive ways. Your inner child and your inner wiseass have been collaborating to pull off unpredictable departures from tradition, and I find that very entertain- ing. I especially admire the warrior energy you’ve been bringing to your dreams: how you punched a hole in the nightmare, how you told jokes to the monster, how you risked everything to wake up. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Cancerian singer George Michael recently announced that he intends to give away his music for free, posting it on the Internet for anyone to download. “I’ve been very well remunerated for my talents over the years,” he told BBC, “so I really don’t need the public’s money.” Given the cur- rent astrological omens, dear Crab, it makes perfect sense for you to regard Michael as your role model in the coming week. I urge you to expand your generosity to the next level as you provide free samples of a resource or skill you’ve been blessed with in abundance. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Emotional Violence for Dummies” was the alternate title Cintra Wilson gave to the film “Mystic River.” Writing in Salon.com, she said that while Sean Penn is normally a great actor, the role for which he won his Oscar was overwrought. “I’ve seen more skillfully calibrated grief at Super Bowl parties,” Wilson mused. She speculated that the Academy was “playing catch-up ball,” rewarding him for the better work he has done in previous movies. I’m guessing that you will soon have a similar experience, Leo. Like Penn, who was born in the sign of the Lion, you may get more credit or recognition than you seemingly deserve for your current efforts. But it will be well-deserved compensation for the undervalued wonders you pulled off in the past. aim is to help her readers “move from painful ambiva- lence to a clear sense of knowing what to do” about their relationships. I’ll be saying a prayer with that theme for you this week, Libra. Whether the relationship in question is with a person or group or job or institution, it’s high time for you to be free of swampy vacillation so you can glide into the future with a decisive, free-spirited vision. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): These days, Scorpio, you’re like a jeweler who doesn’t own any jewel- ry; you’re like a TV repair person who never watches TV. The state you’re in reminds me of an expert gardener watering the tomato plants when it’s raining. You have the aura of a mother without any children or a general whose army is hiding from him. I’m not saying that any of this is a bad thing. It’s actually pretty enigmatic and inter- esting. And for all I know, there may be some method in your madness. Perhaps you’re daring fate to give you what you don’t know you need. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The placebo effect is a well-known but little understood phenomenon in medical science. Studies have shown that up to a third of all sick people feel better after receiving pills with no active ingredients. The reason may lie in the body’s powerful instinct to participate in its own healing. When it believes help is on the way in the form of med- ication, it joins in by releasing endorphins, the natural opi- ates that induce relaxation and a sense of well-being. These thoughts lead me to my analysis of your astrologi- cal omens, Sagittarius: I believe that your current ail- ments, both physical and psychological, are exactly the kind that are most responsive to placebo cures. So load up! M&M’s are effective, I’ve found, as are Pez candy and the little white pills contained in toy doctors’ kits. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Here’s how cartoonist Matt Groening feels about love: “Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.” Here, on the other hand, is what composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart believed: “Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.” My analysis of the astrological omens leads me to suspect that in the coming weeks your life will be a vivid embodiment of one of those two definitions, Capricorn. Which will win out? The outcome will have nothing to do with blind fate. It’ll depend entirely on whether you choose to play romantic games or else devote yourself to the highest form of love you can imag- ine. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): What if I told you that you can change the past? It’s true, Aquarius. You now have power over your memories. It’s a perfect moment to adjust them, correct them, and reconfigure them so they will serve you better in the future. You’re also in a good position to declare your independence from old images that have been oppressing you. There’s no need to feel trapped into being who you used to be if that’s not who you are anymore. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): It just ain’t natural PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Last summer, for a Virgo to be a spectacular exhibitionist. We astrologers might be forgiven, then, if we’ve wondered how the singer Beyoncé could possibly be a member of your tribe, as she claims to be. Recently, the mystery was solved. In an interview with the “Star,” Beyoncé revealed that a character named Sasha takes over her body onstage. “There’s no way I’d wear a short little dress and dance like that in front of all those people,” she said. I bring this up, Virgo, because I’d like you to consider acquiring your own alternate personality. He or she could help you fulfill your current cosmic mandate, which is to climb to a rooftop or mountaintop or tabletop and do a song and dance dedicated to the person you want to be five years from today. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): There’s a book by Mira Kirshenbaum called Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-By-Step Guide to Helping You Decide Whether to Stay in or Get Out of Your Relationship. Her three exhibitors at the Ohio State Fair tried to fool a panel of judges. The men glued hairpieces on their cows in an effort to hide the animals’ sagging backs. But inspectors discovered the bovine toupees and disqualified the cheaters. Now if you Pisceans tried something like this in the coming week, you’d probably get away with it — at least according to my analysis of the astrological omens. I don’t recommend it, though. Ironically, you’re far more likely to win competitions or succeed at chal- lenges if you don’t engage in subterfuge. Being honest and ethical will give you an unbeatable power you can’t tap into any other way. Homework: Brag about your flaws and weaknesses and mistakes, preferably with a grandiose lack of inhibition. Send a record of your boast to beautyandtruth@freewillastrology.com You can call for your EXPANDED WEEKLY HOROSCOPE: 1-900-950-7700 • $1.99 per minute • Touchtone phone 18 & over • c/s 612-373-9785 MAY 13, 2004 35
