Eugene weekly., April 29, 2004, Page 12, Image 12

NONVIOLENCE A WAY OF LIFE
Taking Flight
Adoptive family creates new paths to
peace for abused children.
by Aria Seligmann
S
even-year-old Donna Drews
backbends into a flip, turns
around and does a perfect cart-
wheel, landing into graceful form on the liv-
ing room carpet. A few minutes later, she and
5-year-old brother Jonah are jumping on the
trampoline in the backyard.
It’s a typical Sunday, and as their adop-
tive mother, Meleah Drews, takes care of two
foster children who, along with dad, Jim,
round out the family, the children are con-
stantly reminded and encouraged to treat
each other with respect, be mindful of their
own and the others’ safety needs, and use
appropriate language and actions with each
other.
The Drews are creating a new paradigm:
a family of children rescued from households
where they knew violence, and raised in an
atmosphere of love and peace that will break
that cycle.
Like the nearly 1,000 children neglected
or abused annually in Lane County (2003
figures cap off at 958 reported), Donna and
Jonah were removed from their biological
mother’s home and placed in foster care. The
children had suffered physical abuse and
neglect. Repeated attempts to rehabilitate
their mom, who suffered from drug addic-
tion, failed. She was offered parenting class-
es and drug treatment programs, but other
factors in her life affected her ability to see
those commitments through. Donna and
Jonah have different fathers, and neither
were in the family picture.
The two were placed in a few different
foster homes, and previous foster parents
tried to be very strict with them, which didn’t
work. But these kids weren’t easy. On a scale
of 1 to 10, easiest to most difficult to deal
with, both children were classified an “8.”
The Drews wanted a large family, but
weren’t able to conceive easily. Rather than
go through extensive and expensive fertility
testing and treatments, they chose to become
foster parents, keeping the idea of permanent
adoption open. Both had experience working
with children, and wanted to merge their
vision of having a large family and helping
kids.
They attended training classes at LCC
and became certified to take in two children.
Just months after they completed their certi-
fication, in autumn of 2000, they were
matched with Donna, 4, and Jonah, 2. In July
2001, their mother relinquished custody and
the Drews adopted them in May 2002.
The children were considered “high
needs.” Donna was “loud,” according to
Meleah, and definitely the boss. “She was
like Jonah’s mother, telling him everything
to do,” she says. Donna was aggressive and
violent. In her room she put all of her Barbie
Dolls into the corners facing the walls
because they were “bad,” she’d tell her mom.
She regularly hit her little brother. Jonah had
no concept of pain. “He’d fall down and hit
his head hard and not even cry,” says Jim.
The children would awake often at night
with nightmares and visions of monsters.
They’d play one of their favorite games, “It’s
time to move again.”
Despite the difficulties, Jim and Meleah
worked with the children, establishing an
emotional, heart connection through the use
of Nonviolent Communication techniques.
Jim has helped Donna to develop an expand-
ed vocabulary list of needs and feelings, so
that Donna can express herself without
resorting to hitting. If Jonah lashes out at her,
rather than hit back, Donna can say, “That
made me feel scared. I have a need for safe-
ty.” Jonah will repeat back to her what she
said to show he understands.
As Jonah began to feel safe, he began to
relax and “this sad little boy came out,” says
Jim. At the final visit with their birth mother,
Donna informed her, “Guess what, Mommy,
I’m a good girl now.”
Today, both children are homeschooled
by their dad, with extracurricular activities
such as dance, gymnastics and music woven
into their day. Jonah needs lots of time for
“big outlets of energy,” says Jim, and once
he’s had them, he can sit and read a book for
an hour. Donna needs lots of time in her
imagination so she can then start writing one
of her many stories. She excels as sports, and
she wants to be a lawyer one day.
Both the children, who at first wouldn’t let
anyone touch them, are outgoing, loving and
affectionate. With their two younger foster
brothers, they form a very tight-knit family.
The Drews have formed a non-profit
called Children Rising. It will include a facil-
ity large enough to house more children and
Jonah and Donna Drews
allow mentors and teachers to work with the
children on site. The concept would fill in
gaps in the foster care system, which does
not have enough families to meet the needs
of the number of children in the system. In
Oregon in 2003, there were 11,086 children
in 4, 450 foster homes. In Lane County in
2003, there were anywhere between 301 and
500 family foster homes at any given time
serving approximately 1,400 children,
according to Oregon Department of Human
Services.
Despite the lack of homes, DHS
Communications Officer Patricia Feeny says
DHS “never really puts out a so-called quota
because we want quality foster homes.” She
adds that even if DHS would like to have 500
foster homes ideally, they don’t have the
resources to certify that many.
“If we recruit and get two or three fami-
lies, that’s great,” she says. But foster parents
are lost when they adopt the children. And
they do adopt more now. In 1997, the feder-
al government passed the Adoption and Safe
Families Act, to keep children from lan-
guishing in foster care for long periods of
time.
“Plan A is to get the parent rehabilitated
and the child back home. If that is impossi-
ble, Plan B is to get the child placed in a per-
manent home,” says Feeny.
Many people have considered taking in
foster children, either temporarily or possibly
leading to adoption, but are unsure of placing
a foster child in school or childcare where
their needs might not be met.
The idea behind Children Rising is to cre-
ate a safe place where parents could bring
those children to be cared for and educated in
a setting that addresses their needs while
working to decrease the tendency toward
violence they may have known all of their
lives. Mentors, or older teens, will help out
with the younger ones, thus serving their
own needs for healing and growth.
Currently, the Drews are looking for a site
to house a facility and playground for their
children and others.
“We want to model a new way to com-
municate with each other and a safe place to
do so,” says Meleah.
Jim adds, “We want them to soar.” ew
For more information on Children Rising, see
www.childrenrising.org or e-mail
childrenrising@yahoo.com
A VOICE FOR CHANGE
LOUIS GOMEZ
- FOR LANE COUNTY SHERIFF -
AS ONE WE CAN SUCCEED . The revolving door at the jail needs to stop now! Reactive policing is
not effective and we must become proactive problem solvers and develop partnerships with the communities of
Lane County. I will look at all positions within the Sheriff's Office and restructure the department to fill the void
in the jail and criminal patrol. I will also be fiscally responsible and reevaluate the purpose of the traffic teams.
PA I D F O R B Y L O U I S G O M E Z F O R L A N E C O U N T Y S H E R I F F - P. O . B O X 4 5 6 , O A K R I D G E , O R E G O N 9 74 6 3
12 APRIL 29, 2004