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About Street roots. (Portland, OR) 1998-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 24, 2015)
• Dec. 2 4 -3 1 ,2 0 1 5 Commentary Page 13 The politics of shattered jaws M y partner left a fam ily wedding with a'broken jaw. How can we bridge political differences without injury? BY QUINN MACDONALD beating him up an acceptable response. He’s also not a fighter, while the others have didn t plan on making Victoria my home; histories of violence that we’ve always written off as “boys will be boys” or something about it just kind of happened. I was going to having a temper. move to a bigger city once I was done There were three of them, and only one of school, but I love the Island too much. The him. The fight only stopped because I showed sea is always close here, and I can walk up and stopped it. One of them seemed more everywhere. Political candidates fight over upset about my boyfriend exiting the situation who's more “green.” Whenever a bus pulls up with “his cousin” (well, me) than he was to the stop, there’s often a polite standoff; no about severely injuring his cousin’s partner. one wants to board first, and everyone says Growing up “up island,” I never felt like I “thank you” when they get off. belonged. The scenery is beautiful, but at I often joke about how living in Victoria is times it feels like the mountain walls like living in a bubble. Anyone who lives surrounding the picturesque valleys mirror downtown, walks its streets, or struggles to those hemming in their residents’ world pay rent knows we have problems, but views. Trucks outnumber cars. Nearly citizens are engaged. We speak extensively everyone has a friend or family member who about civic issues and try to work together to works, or worked, in oil and gas in Alberta. find solutions. Everyone plays or watches hockey. For 15 The joke that we live in a progressive years my hometown was represented by a political bubble here in the capital city Conservative MP who denies both climate became a little too serious for me in August. I change and evolution. Most people don’t talk had taken my boyfriend Matt to meet my about politics much, except to offer some extended family at a wedding. He tried to get refrain about how certain political parties to know a couple of my relatives. But a tense pledge to protect jobs. conversation went downhill, and he came It used to be considered rude to talk home with a jaw broken in four places. He politics in polite company. But it’s clearly needed a two-hour surgery and four metal something people are struggling with across plates to put it back together. As we came out the province. Kai Nagata, the Dogwood onto the open part of Highway One that looks Initiative’s energy and democracy director, over View Royal and offers the first glimpse penned a December 2013 article tided “Six of the Victoria harbour, I heard myself say, ways to keep the pipeline debate on track,” “let’s never leave again.” about how to talk about the contentious Nearly every person I told in Victoria Northern Gateway Pipeline over Christmas reacted with shock at the incident that led to dinner. This fall, CBC published an online his injury. Nearly every health worker we “Toolkit for when Thanksgiving dinner turns encountered through the three days in and into election talk.” The list goes on. What out of hospitals asked if we were going to these articles also make clear is that press charges. But where I’m from, fights progressives are often struggling to find a were a normal occurrence at school and at way to talk with their stereotypically older parties. Mouth off and you might get beat and more conservative relatives. But for down. For his part, Matt is from an many, it’s just not worth it (see the Wiki on increasingly rough part of the mainland, and “How to Avoid Politics with Stubborn reactions from some of his family members Relatives”). ran along the lines of, “well you must have If we don’t learn how to have hard said something pretty stupid.” conversations and challenge each other in a respectful way, what’s at stake could be much Whether due to alcohol or shock, he worse as things simmer below the surface. I doesn’t remember what he said or anything have had disagreements with my relatives that happened. But it doesn’t matter: there is that hadn’t always gone well. It’s hard not to nothing anyone could say that would make C O N T R IB U T IN G W R IT E R I THE MAGIC fS IN THE HOLE! 22 SW 3RD & BURNSIDE think about how some of the animosity and unresolved issues arising from those conversations could have contributed to Matt’s broken jaw. It’s difficult to talk about these things and not sound like you think you’re better than people. But when it comes to distancing yourself from sexism, racism, and regressive politics, what’s wrong with being better than that? I’ve learned a lot in the almost 10 years since I left that my hometown, but more important and more difficult is all the uhlearning I’ve had to do, which has positively affected not only the way I see the world and its problems, but also how I see myself in the world. (And this process is certainly ongoing*) Equally, in the last several years I have felt increasingly isolated at family get-togethers. My efforts to confront racism and problematic ways of thinking have devolved into battles with devil’s advocates and me in tears. I’ve been told to shut up, and that me “and my little Facebook politics aren’t going to change anything,” whatever that means. I cry when I get frustrated or angry, so there have been a lot of tears. This tends to make everything more awkward and “embarrassing” for others. I don’t want to paint myself as a victim, and I haven’t always acted admirably, but it’s frustrating, it’s exhausting, and in the-end it didn’t seem to have meant much. But should we just swallow the world . * whole, as-is? I am told to respect other peoples’ opinions, but I think it shows more respect to challenge them to refine their position than immediately dismiss it as flawed. And by this I do not mean playing the classic devil’s advocate by discounting someone’s personal experience or arguing them into the ground—all of which usually involves verbally abusive behavior. We’re entitled to our opinions. But when your opinion comes from a sexist and racist world view that harms others, we need to talk. When we retreat into entrenched partisan positions and see challenges as personal attacks, we all lose the opportunity to grow personally and as a society. We’re told not to give up on family,and that blood is thicker than water. But water’s a lot easier to drink. Or at least that’s how it seemed as I watched the person I love the most puke up the blood he swallowed in an emergency room at 3 a.m. Family is important, but it’s hard to understand what that means when they do harmful things that your friends would never consider. Why do we have to stay attached to people that cause us harm? I don’t want to give up on people I grew up with, but at the same time I don’t know if I will ever even be able to look the people who hint Matt in the eye again. My boyfriend’s face shouldn’t be a stepping stone in their journey to becoming a better person. A few drinks and a fiery temper aren’t justifications for losing control and becoming verbally and physically abusive (something I must remember as well). We are adults. I was told that they are not evil people, that they just did a bad thing. When the action fits a pattern of behavior and world view, however, it’s hard for me to see them as necessarily good. The idea of withdrawing from my family isn’t an easy option for me; it’s devastating. I had a pretty ideal childhood, and now all those memories are tainted. We spent so many family dinners and camping trips together, and how that will never happen again. They will never know my children. I won’t know theirs. In some ways, I wish I could return to that time when we were kids camping, sitting down to family dinners together. Encouraging critical thinking and respectful disagreement can begin when we’re very young; I see this in the young people I coach in roller derby and in some of my friends who now have kids. People who lash out usually feel trapped. Give people the words to express themselves and they often will. I’m still struggling to help them and myself to see how larger webs of oppression affect us all. Reprinted from Street Roots sister paper, Megaphone Magazine, Vancouver, B.C., Canada. becoming homeless? Transition Projects Please call 855.425.5544 or visit 650 NW Irving Street
