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About Street roots. (Portland, OR) 1998-current | View Entire Issue (Nov. 7, 2014)
4 L L Ö u Doing it’ - your own way BY SARAH HANSELL CONTRIBUTING WRITER street roots J b Nov. 7, 2014 Wk meaning they’re making up their relationships from scratch. arah Mirk decided to write her book “Sex From Scratch” because, in her S.H.: Do you think the way you title the words, the majority of what she found book works well with Portland especially, in the dating section of her local bookstore with the whole D IY culture here? “sucked.” Mirk set out to . S.M.: I think that write a book that, people in Portland rather than offering a really get it series of, rules to ' immediately. I think follow, offers insight that it especially and real experiences resonates with from people Portlanders, navigating different, because we’re on types of relationships. th e whole a more - “Sex From Scratch: liberal and less Making Your Own religious bunch. Relationship Rules” And a lot of people focuses on modern here are really relationship advice invested in making that explores non- their own traditional choices relationships. from deciding against It’s not just a marriage and kids to Portland thing. I non-monogamy. At interviewed about 28, Mirk has used 100 people for the her journalism career book, all over the at both the Portland country, and it’s not Mercury and The like Portland is the only place where Stranger in Seattle to explore gender, people are being progressive. You1 see it ih politics and pop culture. She is currently the nationwide trends in declining marriage online, editor for Bitch Media. She has faked rate, and people getting married later and pregnancy to get the inside scoop on people having fewer kids. I see all of those Oregon pregnancy resource centers, shared as examples of people deciding for Oregon’s lesser known history through a themselves what they want th eir lives to comic series and worked with female look like. Guantanamo veterans, writing a Comic book that shares their experiences. S.H^ t S o , non-monogamy is one o f the big non-traditional relationship choices you talk S arah H ansell: Explain the title of your about in the book. What made you realized book, “Sex From Scratch. ” What does it speak monogamy wasn't for you? to? S.M.: Well, I’m still debating that S arah Mirk: It’s basically a DIY approach question, I guess. It’s kind of like, I wrote to dating. People build chicken coops from this book from a really Sincere place in that scratch, and you make food from scratch, here’s what I’m thinking right now. But who and it speaks to people deciding what they knows what I’ll be thinking 10 years in the , want their relationships to look like without future? And the idea is not to conform to leaning heavily on tradition or on what their one cookie-cutter type of relationship — that parents did. So they’re sort of figuring out this is what I’m going to do for the rest of for themselves what they want their lives to my life, but to develop the skills and look like, and figuring out for themselves personal resources to figure out what you what-feels healthy and happy for them, want as you change and grow.. S TlieTaft Home * ; Where senior and disabled adults receive the care and respect they deserve. Call us for more Information (503)223-2144 1337 S.W. Washington, Portland, OR 97205 www.tafthome.org A R T W O R K BY N A T A L IE N O U R IG A T I think non-monogamy and open ; . relationships are a useful framework for thinking about what you w ant So, the whole thing about open relationships is, the first thing you think about is, orgies, sex all the time! But I see it more as the approach I want totake to relationships^ now and in the future, thinking honestly about desire and attraction and jealousy, and saying why we feel these things, like what’s going on there, basically. Rather than in a traditional monogamous relationship, it’s like you can never speak of it again. The whole topic of potentially being attracted to someone else is verboten. If you do talk about, that’«, grounds for anger. And I want to push that instead like, I know that I’m somebody who’s naturally attracted to lots of people, and I love other humans. S.H.: On a more practical level, how do you navigate new relationships? What are the guidelines that you set up with new partners to avoid problems? S.M.: That’s the thing about my book - there’s not like a secret magic. It’s pretty obvious stuff, that I just have to keep reminding myself, because although it’s obvious stuff, I don’t dg it very well. I think a lot of people don’t do it very well. So the one thing I try to do when I’m navigating a new relationship is be really straightforward about how I feel. I just try to be as honest as possible, and not try to b e manipulative in any way. S.H.: You talk about one of the biggest fears of monogamy for you was only having sex with one person.for the rest of your life, at least when you first came to the idea. Do you think non-monogamy is humans’ natural inclination? S.M.: Yeah, I think so probably. You know, I think people are wired differently from one See SEX, page 5
