4
L
L
Ö
u
Doing it’ -
your own way
BY SARAH HANSELL
CONTRIBUTING WRITER
street roots
J b
Nov. 7, 2014
Wk
meaning they’re making up their
relationships from scratch.
arah Mirk decided to write her book
“Sex From Scratch” because, in her
S.H.: Do you think the way you title the
words, the majority of what she found
book works well with Portland especially,
in the dating section of her local bookstore with the whole D IY culture here?
“sucked.”
Mirk set out to .
S.M.: I think that
write a book that,
people in Portland
rather than offering a
really get it
series of, rules to '
immediately. I think
follow, offers insight
that it especially
and real experiences
resonates with
from people
Portlanders,
navigating different,
because we’re on
types of relationships.
th e whole a more -
“Sex From Scratch:
liberal and less
Making Your Own
religious bunch.
Relationship Rules”
And a lot of people
focuses on modern
here are really
relationship advice
invested in making
that explores non-
their own
traditional choices
relationships.
from deciding against
It’s not just a
marriage and kids to
Portland thing. I
non-monogamy. At
interviewed about
28, Mirk has used
100 people for the
her journalism career
book, all over the
at both the Portland
country, and it’s not
Mercury and The
like Portland is the only place where
Stranger in Seattle to explore gender,
people are being progressive. You1 see it ih
politics and pop culture. She is currently the nationwide trends in declining marriage
online, editor for Bitch Media. She has faked
rate, and people getting married later and
pregnancy to get the inside scoop on
people having fewer kids. I see all of those
Oregon pregnancy resource centers, shared
as examples of people deciding for
Oregon’s lesser known history through a
themselves what they want th eir lives to
comic series and worked with female
look like.
Guantanamo veterans, writing a Comic book
that shares their experiences.
S.H^ t S o , non-monogamy is one o f the big
non-traditional relationship choices you talk
S arah H ansell: Explain the title of your
about in the book. What made you realized
book, “Sex From Scratch. ” What does it speak
monogamy wasn't for you?
to?
S.M.: Well, I’m still debating that
S arah Mirk: It’s basically a DIY approach question, I guess. It’s kind of like, I wrote
to dating. People build chicken coops from
this book from a really Sincere place in that
scratch, and you make food from scratch,
here’s what I’m thinking right now. But who
and it speaks to people deciding what they
knows what I’ll be thinking 10 years in the
, want their relationships to look like without
future? And the idea is not to conform to
leaning heavily on tradition or on what their
one cookie-cutter type of relationship — that
parents did. So they’re sort of figuring out
this is what I’m going to do for the rest of
for themselves what they want their lives to
my life, but to develop the skills and
look like, and figuring out for themselves
personal resources to figure out what you
what-feels healthy and happy for them,
want as you change and grow..
S
TlieTaft Home
* ;
Where senior and disabled adults
receive the care and respect they deserve.
Call us for more Information
(503)223-2144
1337 S.W. Washington, Portland, OR 97205
www.tafthome.org
A R T W O R K BY N A T A L IE N O U R IG A T
I think non-monogamy and open ; .
relationships are a useful framework for
thinking about what you w ant So, the whole
thing about open relationships is, the first
thing you think about is, orgies, sex all the
time! But I see it more as the approach I
want totake to relationships^ now and in the
future, thinking honestly about desire and
attraction and jealousy, and saying why we
feel these things, like what’s going on there,
basically. Rather than in a traditional
monogamous relationship, it’s like you can
never speak of it again. The whole topic of
potentially being attracted to someone else
is verboten. If you do talk about, that’«,
grounds for anger. And I want to push that
instead like, I know that I’m somebody
who’s naturally attracted to lots of people,
and I love other humans.
S.H.: On a more practical level, how do you
navigate new relationships? What are the
guidelines that you set up with new partners to
avoid problems?
S.M.: That’s the thing about my book -
there’s not like a secret magic. It’s pretty
obvious stuff, that I just have to keep
reminding myself, because although it’s
obvious stuff, I don’t dg it very well. I think
a lot of people don’t do it very well. So the
one thing I try to do when I’m navigating a
new relationship is be really straightforward
about how I feel. I just try to be as honest as
possible, and not try to b e manipulative in
any way.
S.H.: You talk about one of the biggest fears
of monogamy for you was only having sex with
one person.for the rest of your life, at least
when you first came to the idea. Do you think
non-monogamy is humans’ natural
inclination?
S.M.: Yeah, I think so probably. You know,
I think people are wired differently from one
See SEX, page 5