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About Street roots. (Portland, OR) 1998-current | View Entire Issue (April 1, 2013)
«K w Mí M> jw 7 Street roots April 1, 2013 newspaper says they are proud to have an open forum, saying it was an example of the power of a free press. Our Oregon, a labor-backed communist organization, immediately responded by sending out an e-blast and press release of their own saying that The Oregonian's publishers were capitalist swine who didn't deserve to see the light of day. Majority of young Portlanders think Adams still mayor A survey or Portland residents ages 14 to 24 shows that 63 percent think Sam Adams ¡»still mayor. Nearly all said they don't read newspapers, but get their news from social media such as Twitter and Facebook. "Sam's alright," said one smartphone user being seen at a popu ar dumpling shop. "His Tweets keep me informed of what he's doing at City Hall and stuff." Adams didn't run for reelection. Charlie Hales became mayor of Portland this year. "I think Sam's been good for the city," said another youthful supporter with income potential. "I'm glad he's out there online to talk to the people. He's really responsive to what people have to say. I like that in a mayor." Another bespectacled bystander said her friends back in Ohio have become Adams' newest fans, thanks to reruns of "Portlandia." "They say it must be so cool to have a hip young mayor," she said. "I tell them, 'Yeah, it is.'" ’ - ' . <■ Charles Michael “Chuck” Palahniuk writes new, pointless novel Elder accidentally creates Perry Mason Facebook event The granddaughter of a 68-year-old woman named Edith recently taught her grandmother how to use Facebook. "I was so excited and overwhelmed at the same time," says Edith. "I'm still confused about the difference between a post and a wall is, but I'm trying." Edith says that while her granddaughter was excited about teaching her how to use Facebook, she soon became distracted and frustrated over the fact that "I couldn't understand that searching in Google wasn't apart of Facebook." "One of the first things I did was check out my son's Facebook page and 1 was a little shocked to see all of the obscene things he was liking,'' says Edith. 'T wrote a note on his wall saying he should know better. He blocked me! Can you believe that?" After more than 12 hours on Facebook, Edith says she wanted to let her friends know that a new Internet program called Netflix had Perry Mason reruns. "I guess I accidently created an event," says Edith. "I don't even know what a Facebook event is. Several of her grandkids called to tell her to take the event off their walls. "In all my life, I've never had so many family members mad at me. Over Facebook! The event was titled, "Perry Mason reruns on Netflix everyone!" Edith called he granddaughter frantically between midnight and 2 a.m. that night, asking ask her to help stop the event. "Now, she won't even return my calls." "I'm so lost," she said. "It's so weird. I hate FaceBook, but I just can't stop looking at it." Oregonian celebrates 100,000 hateful comments Editors at The Oregonian were thrilled this week to highlight the success’of their outdated website by celebrating their 100,000 hateful comment. The comment was posted after The Oregonian reported that Amanda Fritz was actually a Socialist from England who was working to destroy the restaurant industry by offering workers $27 an hour Charles Michael "Chuck" Palahniuk is working on a new novel titled "On the Edge of Cool." Charles Michael "Chuck" Palahniuk is an American novelist best known for Fight Cubs and some Invisible Monsters book. Charles Michael "Chuck" Palahniuk is hailed as one of the greatest writers of an already forgotten generation. Generation Y. Charles Michael "Chuck" Palahniuk describes his writing as "transgressional fiction." One middle-aged fan from Cleveland who lives in his mother's basement said the description itself and Charles Michael "Chuck" Palahniuk's writings have been very transformative in his view of the world. It's thought that Charles Michael "Chuck" Palahniuk is in the "trangressional" period of writing his latest novel "On the edge of cool." Besides a small group of literary elites (only to themselves) it's thought that no one in Portland actual cares what Charles Michael "Chuck” Palahniuk writes. Charles Michael "Chuck" Palahniuk could not be reached for comment because it's thought that he is still on the edge of cool. His publisher says, "Once he gets back from writing the book he'll have to cool down for a bit before we release his hot goodness onto the literary scene." One critic realizing that Charles Michael "Chuck" Former Mayor Sam Adam s’ Palahniuk is actually a University of Oregon journalism seemless online presence has student (please), and hails from Pasco, Wash, (really?), the air of a man still in charge. couldn't understand what people actually saw in his already forgotten novels. "He's no freaking Steinbeck for sick-time. The commenter whose name was that's for sure." "DON'T TREAD ON ME," noted, "Portlanders are a On the edge of cool, written by Charles Michael bunch of liberal, Sam Adams-loving whine-bags who "Chuck" Palahniuk will hit the Internet this summer. would tax their chickens if given a chance." It's expected to be made into a film by Gus Green Van "We attract a lot of trolls, we even cater to them," Sant Jr. (yawn.) says one proud member of the newspaper's esteemed The Willamette Week is expected to run an editorial board. "We know libertarians from around exclusive cover story with Charles Michael "Chuck" Oregon and Southwest Washington have a lot to say, Palahniuk and Gus Green Van Sant, Jr. titled, "On the especially after they've had a few Natural Lights." edge of cool..." Publishers say they expect to put several hundred It's thought that of the 100,000 comments posted thousand dollars into the marketing of "On the edge on The Oregonians website, about 63,000 were actually hateful in one way or another, while the other of cool," by Charles Michael "Chuck" Palahniuk. "The people who read this shit are like rats in a 37,000 just targeted young Portlanders, especially the cage. They'll buy anything if you punch them in the immigrants and gays. face enough." One editor from the S&M section of the M irador . C O M M U N IT Y AFFORDABLE PLACE TO got easier. 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