«K
w
Mí
M>
jw
7
Street roots
April 1, 2013
newspaper says they are proud to have an open
forum, saying it was an example of the power of a
free press.
Our Oregon, a labor-backed communist
organization, immediately responded by sending out
an e-blast and press release of their own saying that
The Oregonian's publishers were capitalist swine who
didn't deserve to see the light of day.
Majority of young Portlanders
think Adams still mayor
A survey or Portland residents ages 14 to 24 shows
that 63 percent think Sam Adams ¡»still mayor.
Nearly all said they don't read newspapers, but get
their news from social media such as Twitter and
Facebook.
"Sam's alright," said one smartphone user being
seen at a popu ar dumpling shop. "His Tweets keep
me informed of what he's doing at City Hall and
stuff."
Adams didn't run for reelection. Charlie Hales
became mayor of Portland this year.
"I think Sam's been good for the city," said
another youthful supporter with income potential.
"I'm glad he's out there online to talk to the people.
He's really responsive to what people have to say. I like
that in a mayor."
Another bespectacled bystander said her friends
back in Ohio have become Adams' newest fans, thanks
to reruns of "Portlandia."
"They say it must be so cool to have a hip young
mayor," she said. "I tell them, 'Yeah, it is.'"
’ - ' . <■
Charles Michael “Chuck” Palahniuk
writes new, pointless novel
Elder accidentally creates Perry
Mason Facebook event
The granddaughter of a 68-year-old woman named
Edith recently taught her grandmother how to use
Facebook.
"I was so excited and overwhelmed at the same
time," says Edith. "I'm still confused about the
difference between a post and a wall is, but I'm
trying."
Edith says that while her granddaughter was
excited about teaching her how to use Facebook, she
soon became distracted and frustrated over the fact
that "I couldn't understand that searching in Google
wasn't apart of Facebook."
"One of the first things I did was check out my
son's Facebook page and 1 was a little shocked to see
all of the obscene things he was liking,'' says Edith. 'T
wrote a note on his wall saying he should know better.
He blocked me! Can you believe that?"
After more than 12 hours on Facebook, Edith says
she wanted to let her friends know that a new Internet
program called Netflix had Perry Mason reruns.
"I guess I accidently created an event," says Edith.
"I don't even know what a Facebook event is. Several
of her grandkids called to tell her to take the event off
their walls. "In all my life, I've never had so many
family members mad at me. Over Facebook!
The event was titled, "Perry Mason reruns on
Netflix everyone!"
Edith called he granddaughter frantically between
midnight and 2 a.m. that night, asking ask her to help
stop the event.
"Now, she won't even return my calls."
"I'm so lost," she said. "It's so weird. I hate
FaceBook, but I just can't stop looking at it."
Oregonian celebrates 100,000
hateful comments
Editors at The Oregonian were thrilled this week
to highlight the success’of their outdated website by
celebrating their 100,000 hateful comment.
The comment was posted after The Oregonian
reported that Amanda Fritz was actually a Socialist
from England who was working to destroy the
restaurant industry by offering workers $27 an hour
Charles Michael "Chuck" Palahniuk is working on
a new novel titled "On the Edge of Cool."
Charles Michael "Chuck" Palahniuk is an American
novelist best known for Fight Cubs and some Invisible
Monsters book.
Charles Michael "Chuck" Palahniuk is hailed as one
of the greatest writers of an already forgotten
generation. Generation Y.
Charles Michael "Chuck" Palahniuk describes his
writing as "transgressional fiction."
One middle-aged fan from Cleveland who lives in
his mother's basement said the description itself and
Charles Michael "Chuck" Palahniuk's writings have
been very transformative in his view of the world.
It's thought that Charles Michael "Chuck"
Palahniuk is in the "trangressional" period of writing
his latest novel "On the edge of cool."
Besides a small group of literary elites (only to
themselves) it's thought that no one in Portland actual
cares what Charles Michael "Chuck” Palahniuk writes.
Charles Michael "Chuck" Palahniuk could not be
reached for comment because it's thought that he is
still on the edge of cool. His publisher says, "Once he
gets back from writing the book he'll have to cool
down for a bit before we release his hot goodness
onto the literary scene."
One critic realizing that Charles Michael "Chuck"
Former Mayor Sam Adam s’
Palahniuk is actually a University of Oregon journalism
seemless online presence has
student (please), and hails from Pasco, Wash, (really?),
the air of a man still in charge.
couldn't understand what people actually saw in his
already forgotten novels. "He's no freaking Steinbeck
for sick-time. The commenter whose name was
that's for sure."
"DON'T TREAD ON ME," noted, "Portlanders are a
On the edge of cool, written by Charles Michael
bunch of liberal, Sam Adams-loving whine-bags who
"Chuck" Palahniuk will hit the Internet this summer.
would tax their chickens if given a chance."
It's expected to be made into a film by Gus Green Van
"We attract a lot of trolls, we even cater to them," Sant Jr. (yawn.)
says one proud member of the newspaper's esteemed
The Willamette Week is expected to run an
editorial board. "We know libertarians from around
exclusive cover story with Charles Michael "Chuck"
Oregon and Southwest Washington have a lot to say,
Palahniuk and Gus Green Van Sant, Jr. titled, "On the
especially after they've had a few Natural Lights."
edge of cool..."
Publishers say they expect to put several hundred
It's thought that of the 100,000 comments posted
thousand dollars into the marketing of "On the edge
on The Oregonians website, about 63,000 were
actually hateful in one way or another, while the other of cool," by Charles Michael "Chuck" Palahniuk.
"The people who read this shit are like rats in a
37,000 just targeted young Portlanders, especially the
cage. They'll buy anything if you punch them in the
immigrants and gays.
face enough."
One editor from the S&M section of the
M irador .
C O M M U N IT Y
AFFORDABLE PLACE TO
got easier.
Your online
■ « r t l f o
ip i o
w
f j r f r i < « 1 l i B
’housands of listings • Free service
Includes special needs housing
Call 2-1-1 or 503-802-8562
“
N a tu ra l Kitchen
Canning jars &
equipment,
cookware, kitchen
tools & appliances
Organic cotton
sheets, towels,
& blankets
Food dryers
Home
2 1 0 6 SE Division
5O 3*231*5Í75
m ira d o rc o m m u n ity s to re .c o m
M o n -S a t 10-6 • S u n 11-5
Juicers
Books on meat-free
cooking, gardening
& sustainability
Vendors are regular contributors to Street Roots content, as columnists poets and artists.
s ¿
'-s
Look fo r your favorite vendor’s writings in each edition o f the paper.
4»