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About Street roots. (Portland, OR) 1998-current | View Entire Issue (June 8, 2012)
Street roots ‘ 16 June 8, 2012 Gemini (May 20-June 20) The rash of recent news reports about bizarre, cannibalistic crimes has most of us perking up to the possibility of a zombie apocalypse. You’re always one to follow the latest trends, but I’d advise against taste-testing human flesh. This being Portland, they’ll probably have a soy-based substitute in stores soon. C a n c e r (J u n e 2 1 -J u ly 22) Admit it — your mental wheels are getting a bit rusty. You can tell yourself you’re an intellectual all you want, but every evening you spend watching “Toddlers & Tiaras” is minus points. Remember the library? It’s like a free, slow Netflix. If you put “Waking Life” on hold now, you’ll be contemplating the nature of consciousness by Thanksgiving. L eo (J u ly 2 3 -A u g . 2 2 ) If you play your cards exactly right, your career could have the longevity of Betty White’s, the influence of Oprah’s, and the notoriety of Saddam Hussein’s. But if you mess it up now, you’ll die unknown and unappreciated, with a small chance of being posthumously celebrated a la Edgar Allan Poe. V irg o (A u g . 2 3 -S e p t. 22) Pay attention to your dreams. That one where you were in a weird place that kind of looked like your office, but it was surrounded by Street Beets 211 NW Davis St. Portland, OR 97209 Return service requested. lava, and you were with your cousin Patrick and your friend from middle school, and you were playing mini golf and talking about Mitt Romney? Yeah, that was important. C ap rico rn (D ec. 24-Jan . 19) Own up and apologize, or risk retribution. Always a solid standby for all that ails ya! A q u a riu s (Jan. 20-F eb . 18) Wow! You look fantastic today. Have you lost weight? You’re positively glowing. I bet it’s all that money, power and authority that’s have GOT to stop refusing social invitations, no matter barreling your way right now like a speeding how daunting the prospect of putting on pants. If you locomotive. don’t start rallying, you’ll see those invitations dwindle to nothing. So grit your teeth, peel off the Snuggie, and P is c e s (F eb . 1 9 -M a rc h 2 0 ) Self-deprivation never prepare to face the world. resulted in good hair. Or, for that matter, a delicious Sunday brunch. Splurging just a little will make you feel S c o rp io (O ct. 23-N ov. 21) Is nothing sacred? Does ready to take on the world, one overpriced organic anything have meaning? Are you the guinea pig in a candle at a time. sick alien experiment, and everyone you love is a hologram? I’m sorry about this doozy of an existential A rie s (M a rc h 2 1 -A p ril 19) Treat your exes well, or crisis, Scorp. It will pass, but for now all you can do is risk becoming fodder for the title track of their debut sit back and endure the dark, pulsing indifference of the reggae-infused country album. You’d hate to be known as the one that “You’re the Reason Our Kids Are So universe. Ugly” was written about. S a g ittariu s (Nov. 23-D ec. 23) Drew Barrymore just T a u ru s (A p ril 2 0 -M a y 20) Lately, you just can’t catch got hitched for the third time, but your romance is headed for rough waters. The only way you’ll be able to a break. There’s tension at home, uncertainty at work, salvage it is to spend some time apart. It’s about time and then there are those pesky Facebook stocks that you visited your parents anyway — make like E.T. and you bought. You’ll solve a lot of your problems by laying low for a while — no confrontation will end well phone home. for you this month L ib ra (S e p t. 2 3 -O c t. 22) Say yes. Just do it. You SUPPORT STREET ROOTS WITH A CONTRIBUTION OF; $35 $50 $100 $250 $500 $_____ Send your check to: Street Roots, 211 NW Davis, Portland, OR, 97209 Street Roots is a 501 (c)3, nonprofit organization. Your donation may be tax deductible. Or donate securely online at www.streetroots.org
