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About Illinois Valley news. (Cave City, Oregon) 1937-current | View Entire Issue (Aug. 21, 2013)
Page A-6 Illinois Valley News, Cave Junction, Ore. Wednesday, August 21, 2013 Healthy U News: by Nicole Rensenbrink Marriage: so many of us want it, yet far fewer of us know how to make it work. Never fear: the Seattle-based Gottman Institute does. In 1972, Dr. John Gottman started his work of setting up couples to live in an apart- ment for twenty four hour time periods where he and colleague Robert Levenson videotaped, measured physical reactions, and asked ques- tions, following up with some for up to thirteen years. Based on this research of over 3,000 couples, the Gottman Institute boasts that they can predict which marriages will last and which will end in divorce with over 90% accuracy. They found that couples don’t break up because of areas of disagreement. In fact, 69% of conflicts between any couples are about ar- eas of perpetual disagreement. Gottman asserts that “relationships will work to the extent that people wind up with a set of perpetual problems that they can learn to live with.” Relationship masters are able to fully accept their partners, while at the same time, asking them to change. Divorce is predicted by how couples inter- act when handling areas of disagreement. Cou- ples who would eventually divorce were found to express negativity 1.25 times more than posi- tivity toward each other. Couples in happy re- lationships, on the other hand, expressed ratios of positive to negative interactions at a rate of 5 to 1. When simply conversing, the ratio of positive to negative with happy couples was 20 to 1. Gottman also noted four interaction pat- terns that predict divorce: criticism, defensive- ness, contempt, and stonewalling. Each has an antidote to correct the problem. Criticism is a general description of a flaw in a partner’s per- sonality that implies something’s wrong with his/her character. The antidote to criticism is using “gentle start-ups.” For example, instead of saying “You never pick up after yourself,” a partner might say, “Honey, I’m frustrated be- cause I tripped over your clothes on the bath- room floor.” People become defensive when they at- tempt to protect themselves or claim their in- nocence against a perceived attack. Defen- siveness often looks like counter-attacking or whining (acting the innocent victim). The anti- dote to this is to accept responsibility for at least a small part of the problem. Contempt is putting someone down or act- ing superior. The antidote to contempt is creat- ing a culture of appreciation through spending time focused on knowing each other, sharing fondness and admiration, turning toward vs away from each other, having positive perspec- tives, supporting each other to make life dreams come true, and finding shared meaning. The last relationship demise predictor is stonewalling. Stonewalling is what happens when one partner checks out of the conflict. He or she may pretend to be listening, caring, or not upset, but what’s really happening is that they’ve become emotionally overwhelmed and have shut their partner out. The antidote to stonewalling is to learn self-soothing skills so that the partner can handle their emotions while remaining engaged. Self-soothing skills usual- ly require a combination of learning new ways to think about conflict as well as physical tricks like deep breathing and/or taking a time out. The reality is, we’re all different, and mar- riages present big challenges for all of us. The good news is, if we’re willing to use these tools, we can all make our marriages content. Backyard bird watching with Harry: by Harry Johnson What materials you need to build a house. Ok, so now you know what kind of house to build and where you want to put it. Now you have to think about what to use if you’re going to build it yourself. Let’s talk about what mate- rials you will need. Wood is just about the best building material for any birdhouse. It’s durable, has good insulating qual- ities and it breathes. Look for three quarter inch thick cypress or red ce- dar. Both are recommended, but here in the Valley you may have only pine or exterior grade plywood to chose from, they both will do. It makes no difference whether the wood is slab, rough cut or fin- ished, as long as the inside has not been treated with stains or preser- vatives. Fumes from the chemicals could harm the birds. There’s no need to paint the cypress or cedar, but pine and plywood houses will last longer with a coat of water based exterior latex paint. Try a tan, gray or a dull green paint, it works best for the cav- ity nesting species. The dull, light colors reflect heat and are less con- spicuous to predators. Please remem- ber this one tip, don’t paint the inside of the box or the entrance hole. Regardless of which kind of wood you select, gluing all the joints before you nail them will extend the life of your birdhouse. Galvanized or brass shank nails, hinges and screws resist rusting and hold the boxes to- gether more tightly as they age. Please, please resist the tempta- tion to put a metal roof on your new birdhouse. Reflective metal makes sense for the Purple Martin houses down on Sauer’s Flat, but when it’s tacked onto the roof of a wooden chickadee house, the shiny metal is more likely to attract predators. Natural gourds make a very at- tractive birdhouse. They breathe and because they sway in the wind they are less likely to be taken over by house sparrows and starlings. Because of their size, birdhous- es can weigh up to 30 pounds. Wood- en houses should not be mounted on metal telescoping poles. The pole will bend over with the weight. Stay with wood or mount them on a tree. Keep in mind that birds make their own choices, without regard to charts and books. So don’t be sur- prised if you find tenants you never expected in your new birdhouse you intended for someone else. I hope you enjoyed learning about how to build your own birdhouse. If you have any questions please give a yell or email me at birdwatching@frontier. net. Each and every Sat- urday morning I meet with other bird lovers like you at My Place Café in Cave Junction. I get there around 8:30 a.m. and stay until 9:30 or 10 a.m. Come on by and have a cup of good coffee with us. Harry Johnson from O’Brien Backyard Bird Watching by Harry Johnson is brought to you by My Place Cafe “Where Good Times, Good Folks and Good Food Come Together” Church News Community Bible Church Digging out Stumps “The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness and let us put on the armor of light.” Romans 13:12 In my years of working on property that I myself have owned, I have not come across work that is much more difficult than digging out stumps. Sometimes a stump may not look like much, but its roots can go and go and go. Not too long ago I wanted to remove some stumps from an area that I thought would make a good garden spot. A friend offered to come over with his backhoe and help. Three stumps came out fine, but the fourth stump, which looked rotten and I thought would come up easy, was a hard job even with a backhoe. The roots went deep and the bottom part of the stump was very hard. It finally came out, but not without a whole lot of work. When Paul was talking in Romans 13 about works of darkness, he was talking about those bad habits and ungodly lifestyles we can let take root in our lives. We don’t plan to have a wrong lifestyle, it just seems to happen: drink- ing to excess with friends, drug use because of peer pressure, stealing, lying, gossiping, you can fill in your own blank. One writer put it this way. “Watch your thoughts, they become your actions. Watch your actions, they become your habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.” There is One who will help you dig out those bad habits and character, just like the man with the backhoe helped me dig out that stump. Jesus said, “I have come that you might have life and that you might have it more abundantly.” That abundant life might require some stump removal or I mean change of life- style, but with the Lord nothing is impossible. Ministry at CBC Sunday Morning Worship 10:30 a.m. Praise and Prayer 6:00 p.m. Community Christian Academy Preschool – 12th grade Limited openings – Register now for fall classes – School starts September 4th In Christ, Pastor Dave Good Shepherd Lutheran Church Preaching the Truth (Luke 12:49-56) It’s been said that Jesus was one of the most influential people in human history. He changed the world with a message of peace and love that had never been preached before. But Jesus knew that when you bring change into human hearts and to society, the transition can be disruptive and divi- sive. He knew the divisions would be deep and painful. Families would disagree. He said, “They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daugh- ter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.” To put it mildly, chaos would come to not only nations, but to the most intimate rela- tionships. Yet the question must be asked; what other choice is there? Should the Gospel be sanitized and preached only in such a way that it keeps the peace? Are we willing to sacrifice the truth for the sake of pleasantness and making others comfortable? And what guarantee is there that being pleasant or avoiding conflict Places of Worship BRIDGEVIEW COMMUNITY CHURCH 5181 Holland Loop Rd., CJ 541-592-3923 “Come Join the Worship!” Sunday Worship 10:30 a.m. Pastor Sonny Moore www.kbcc.us COMMUNITY BIBLE CHURCH Pastor Dave Gordon 113 S. Caves Ave., CJ Office: 541-592-3896 Email: cbccca@gmail.com Sunday Worship - 10:30 a.m. Christian Academy Pre-K to 12th grade Awana - Wednesdays - 6 p.m. * * * * * * 7th DAY ADVENTIST 265 S. Old Stage Rd., CJ Sabbath School - 9:30 a.m. Saturday Worship 11 a.m. Pastor Christian Martin Church (541) 592-3218 Madrone Adventist School 541-592-3330 ST. PATRICK OF THE FOREST CATHOLIC CHURCH 407 W. River St., CJ 541-592-3658 Fr. William Holtzinger, Pastor Mass - Sunday 11 a.m.. Sacrament of Reconciliation Sunday - 10:30 a.m. Holy Days TBA * * * * * * ILLINOIS VALLEY PENTECOSTALS 987 Caves Hwy., CJ 541-592-4716 or 541-218-2792 Sunday - 2:30 p.m. TAKILMA BIBLE CHURCH 10300 Takilma Road, Takilma Pastor Dan Robinson Bible Study / Prayer Time 9:30 a.m. Morning Worship 11 a.m Wednesday Bible Study 7 p.m * * * IMMANUEL UNITED METHODIST CHURCH 200 Watkins St., CJ Phone 541-592-3876 Pastor Charles Chase Sunday School - 9:15 a.m. Sunday Worship - 9:15 a.m. Child-care for small children * * * First Baptist Church of Selma 18285 Redwood Hwy., Selma 541-597-4169 Pastor Monty Pope Sunday School - 9:45 a.m. Worship - 11 a.m. GOOD SHEPHERD LUTHERAN CHURCH East River Street & Lewis Court, CJ Annemarie Richardson Lay Pastor. Sunday School - 9:15 a.m. Sunday Worship - 10 a.m. Church Phone: 541-592-2290 www.goodshepherdlutheraniv.net ST. MATTHIAS EPISCOPAL CHURCH 25904 Redwood Hwy., CJ 541-592-2006 Rev. James Boston Worship Service - 5 p.m. 1st Sunday of each month * * * THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS 209 S. Junction Ave., CJ Sacrament Meet - 10 a.m. Sunday School - 11:20 a.m. Priesthood, Relief Soc. - 12:10 p.m. Bishop G. Frank Sybrant 541-245-3394 VALLEY EVANGELICAL FREE CHURCH 498 Laurel Road, CJ P.O. Box 1248 Pastor Marvin Porter Sunday School - 9:45 a.m. Worship Service - 11 a.m. Evening Service 6 p.m. evfree@frontiernet.net 541-592-6160 * * * FOUNTAIN OF LIFE ASSEMBLY OF GOD 451 S. Junction Ave., CJ 541-592-3956 Pastor Mark McLean Morning Worship 9:30 & 11 a.m. Wednesday - 7 p.m. Adult Bible Study * * * in the short term will bring lasting peace anyway? If the Christ had never come would there be peace today? Would the world be at peace if there had never been any Chris- tians? Avoiding conflict is not the same thing as peace. True peace comes only through truth, love and understand- ing. Only when we can come together under the banner of the One who brings truth, and who was the very personification of truth, the one we know as Jesus the Christ, will true peace reign on earth.
