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Illinois Valley News, Cave Junction, Ore. Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Healthy U News: by Nicole Rensenbrink
Marriage: so many of us want it, yet far
fewer of us know how to make it work. Never
fear: the Seattle-based Gottman Institute does.
In 1972, Dr. John Gottman started his
work of setting up couples to live in an apart-
ment for twenty four hour time periods where
he and colleague Robert Levenson videotaped,
measured physical reactions, and asked ques-
tions, following up with some for up to thirteen
years. Based on this research of over 3,000
couples, the Gottman Institute boasts that they
can predict which marriages will last and which
will end in divorce with over 90% accuracy.
They found that couples don’t break up
because of areas of disagreement. In fact, 69%
of conflicts between any couples are about ar-
eas of perpetual disagreement. Gottman asserts
that “relationships will work to the extent that
people wind up with a set of perpetual problems
that they can learn to live with.” Relationship
masters are able to fully accept their partners,
while at the same time, asking them to change.
Divorce is predicted by how couples inter-
act when handling areas of disagreement. Cou-
ples who would eventually divorce were found
to express negativity 1.25 times more than posi-
tivity toward each other. Couples in happy re-
lationships, on the other hand, expressed ratios
of positive to negative interactions at a rate of
5 to 1. When simply conversing, the ratio of
positive to negative with happy couples was 20
to 1.
Gottman also noted four interaction pat-
terns that predict divorce: criticism, defensive-
ness, contempt, and stonewalling. Each has an
antidote to correct the problem. Criticism is a
general description of a flaw in a partner’s per-
sonality that implies something’s wrong with
his/her character. The antidote to criticism is
using “gentle start-ups.” For example, instead
of saying “You never pick up after yourself,”
a partner might say, “Honey, I’m frustrated be-
cause I tripped over your clothes on the bath-
room floor.”
People become defensive when they at-
tempt to protect themselves or claim their in-
nocence against a perceived attack. Defen-
siveness often looks like counter-attacking or
whining (acting the innocent victim). The anti-
dote to this is to accept responsibility for at least
a small part of the problem.
Contempt is putting someone down or act-
ing superior. The antidote to contempt is creat-
ing a culture of appreciation through spending
time focused on knowing each other, sharing
fondness and admiration, turning toward vs
away from each other, having positive perspec-
tives, supporting each other to make life dreams
come true, and finding shared meaning.
The last relationship demise predictor is
stonewalling. Stonewalling is what happens
when one partner checks out of the conflict. He
or she may pretend to be listening, caring, or
not upset, but what’s really happening is that
they’ve become emotionally overwhelmed and
have shut their partner out. The antidote to
stonewalling is to learn self-soothing skills so
that the partner can handle their emotions while
remaining engaged. Self-soothing skills usual-
ly require a combination of learning new ways
to think about conflict as well as physical tricks
like deep breathing and/or taking a time out.
The reality is, we’re all different, and mar-
riages present big challenges for all of us. The
good news is, if we’re willing to use these tools,
we can all make our marriages content.
Backyard bird watching with Harry: by Harry Johnson
What materials you
need to build a house.
Ok, so now you know what kind
of house to build and where you want
to put it. Now you have to think about
what to use if you’re going to build it
yourself. Let’s talk about what mate-
rials you will need.
Wood is just about the best
building material for any birdhouse.
It’s durable, has good insulating qual-
ities and it breathes. Look for three
quarter inch thick cypress or red ce-
dar. Both are recommended, but here
in the Valley you may have only pine
or exterior grade plywood to chose
from, they both will do.
It makes no difference whether
the wood is slab, rough cut or fin-
ished, as long as the inside has not
been treated with stains or preser-
vatives. Fumes from the chemicals
could harm the birds. There’s no need
to paint the cypress or cedar, but pine
and plywood houses will last longer
with a coat of water based exterior
latex paint. Try a tan, gray or a dull
green paint, it works best for the cav-
ity nesting species. The dull, light
colors reflect heat and are less con-
spicuous to predators. Please remem-
ber this one tip, don’t paint the inside
of the box or the entrance hole.
Regardless of which kind of
wood you select, gluing all the joints
before you nail them will extend the
life of your birdhouse. Galvanized or
brass shank nails, hinges and screws
resist rusting and hold the boxes to-
gether more tightly as they age.
Please, please resist the tempta-
tion to put a metal roof on your new
birdhouse. Reflective metal makes
sense for the Purple
Martin houses down on
Sauer’s Flat, but when
it’s tacked onto the roof
of a wooden chickadee
house, the shiny metal
is more likely to attract predators.
Natural gourds make a very at-
tractive birdhouse. They breathe and
because they sway in the wind they
are less likely to be taken over by
house sparrows and starlings.
Because of their size, birdhous-
es can weigh up to 30 pounds. Wood-
en houses should not be mounted on
metal telescoping poles. The pole will
bend over with the weight. Stay with
wood or mount them on a tree.
Keep in mind that birds make
their own choices, without regard to
charts and books. So don’t be sur-
prised if you find tenants you never
expected in your new birdhouse you
intended for someone else.
I hope you enjoyed learning
about how to build your
own birdhouse. If you
have any questions please
give a yell or email me at
birdwatching@frontier.
net.
Each and every Sat-
urday morning I meet
with other bird lovers like
you at My Place Café in
Cave Junction. I get there
around 8:30 a.m. and
stay until 9:30 or 10 a.m.
Come on by and have a
cup of good coffee with
us.
Harry Johnson from
O’Brien
Backyard Bird Watching by Harry Johnson is brought to you by
My Place Cafe
“Where Good Times, Good Folks and Good Food Come Together”
Church News
Community Bible Church
Digging out Stumps
“The night is far spent, the day is at hand.
Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness
and let us put on the armor of light.” Romans
13:12
In my years of working on property that
I myself have owned, I have not come across
work that is much more difficult than digging out
stumps. Sometimes a stump may not look like
much, but its roots can go and go and go. Not
too long ago I wanted to remove some stumps
from an area that I thought would make a good
garden spot. A friend offered to come over with
his backhoe and help. Three stumps came out
fine, but the fourth stump, which looked rotten
and I thought would come up easy, was a hard
job even with a backhoe. The roots went deep
and the bottom part of the stump was very hard.
It finally came out, but not without a whole lot
of work.
When Paul was talking in Romans 13
about works of darkness, he was talking about
those bad habits and ungodly lifestyles we can
let take root in our lives. We don’t plan to have
a wrong lifestyle, it just seems to happen: drink-
ing to excess with friends, drug use because of
peer pressure, stealing, lying, gossiping, you
can fill in your own blank. One writer put it this
way. “Watch your thoughts, they become your
actions. Watch your actions, they become your
habits. Watch your habits, they become your
character. Watch your character, it becomes
your destiny.” There is One who will help you
dig out those bad habits and character, just like
the man with the backhoe helped me dig out
that stump. Jesus said, “I have come that you
might have life and that you might have it more
abundantly.” That abundant life might require
some stump removal or I mean change of life-
style, but with the Lord nothing is impossible.
Ministry at CBC
Sunday
Morning Worship 10:30 a.m.
Praise and Prayer 6:00 p.m.
Community Christian Academy
Preschool – 12th grade
Limited openings –
Register now for fall classes –
School starts September 4th
In Christ, Pastor Dave
Good Shepherd Lutheran Church
Preaching the Truth (Luke 12:49-56)
It’s been said that Jesus was one of the most influential
people in human history. He changed the world with a message
of peace and love that had never been preached before.
But Jesus knew that when you bring change into human
hearts and to society, the transition can be disruptive and divi-
sive. He knew the divisions would be deep and painful. Families
would disagree. He said, “They will be divided, father against
son and son against father, mother against daughter and daugh-
ter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and
daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.” To put it mildly, chaos
would come to not only nations, but to the most intimate rela-
tionships.
Yet the question must be asked; what other choice is there?
Should the Gospel be sanitized and preached only in such a way
that it keeps the peace? Are we willing to sacrifice the truth for
the sake of pleasantness and making others comfortable? And
what guarantee is there that being pleasant or avoiding conflict
Places of Worship
BRIDGEVIEW
COMMUNITY CHURCH
5181 Holland Loop Rd., CJ
541-592-3923
“Come Join the Worship!”
Sunday Worship 10:30 a.m.
Pastor Sonny Moore
www.kbcc.us
COMMUNITY BIBLE CHURCH
Pastor Dave Gordon
113 S. Caves Ave., CJ
Office: 541-592-3896
Email: cbccca@gmail.com
Sunday Worship - 10:30 a.m.
Christian Academy
Pre-K to 12th grade
Awana - Wednesdays - 6 p.m.
* * *
* * *
7th DAY ADVENTIST
265 S. Old Stage Rd., CJ
Sabbath School - 9:30 a.m.
Saturday Worship 11 a.m.
Pastor Christian Martin
Church (541) 592-3218
Madrone Adventist School
541-592-3330
ST. PATRICK OF THE FOREST
CATHOLIC CHURCH
407 W. River St., CJ
541-592-3658
Fr. William Holtzinger, Pastor
Mass - Sunday 11 a.m..
Sacrament of Reconciliation
Sunday - 10:30 a.m.
Holy Days TBA
* * *
* * *
ILLINOIS VALLEY
PENTECOSTALS
987 Caves Hwy., CJ
541-592-4716 or 541-218-2792
Sunday - 2:30 p.m.
TAKILMA BIBLE CHURCH
10300 Takilma Road, Takilma
Pastor Dan Robinson
Bible Study / Prayer Time
9:30 a.m.
Morning Worship 11 a.m
Wednesday Bible Study
7 p.m
* * *
IMMANUEL UNITED
METHODIST CHURCH
200 Watkins St., CJ
Phone 541-592-3876
Pastor Charles Chase
Sunday School - 9:15 a.m.
Sunday Worship - 9:15 a.m.
Child-care for small children
* * *
First Baptist Church of Selma
18285 Redwood Hwy., Selma
541-597-4169
Pastor Monty Pope
Sunday School - 9:45 a.m.
Worship - 11 a.m.
GOOD SHEPHERD
LUTHERAN CHURCH
East River Street
& Lewis Court, CJ
Annemarie Richardson
Lay Pastor.
Sunday School - 9:15 a.m.
Sunday Worship - 10 a.m.
Church Phone: 541-592-2290
www.goodshepherdlutheraniv.net
ST. MATTHIAS EPISCOPAL
CHURCH
25904 Redwood Hwy., CJ
541-592-2006
Rev. James Boston
Worship Service - 5 p.m.
1st Sunday of each month
* * *
THE CHURCH OF JESUS
CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY
SAINTS
209 S. Junction Ave., CJ
Sacrament Meet - 10 a.m.
Sunday School - 11:20 a.m.
Priesthood, Relief Soc. -
12:10 p.m.
Bishop G. Frank Sybrant
541-245-3394
VALLEY EVANGELICAL
FREE CHURCH
498 Laurel Road, CJ
P.O. Box 1248
Pastor Marvin Porter
Sunday School - 9:45 a.m.
Worship Service - 11 a.m.
Evening Service 6 p.m.
evfree@frontiernet.net
541-592-6160
* * *
FOUNTAIN OF LIFE
ASSEMBLY OF GOD
451 S. Junction Ave., CJ
541-592-3956
Pastor Mark McLean
Morning Worship
9:30 & 11 a.m.
Wednesday - 7 p.m.
Adult Bible Study
* * *
in the short term will bring lasting peace anyway?
If the Christ had never come would there be peace today?
Would the world be at peace if there had never been any Chris-
tians? Avoiding conflict is not the same thing as peace.
True peace comes only through truth, love and understand-
ing. Only when we can come together under the banner of the
One who brings truth, and who was the very personification of
truth, the one we know as Jesus the Christ, will true peace reign
on earth.