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About Illinois Valley news. (Cave City, Oregon) 1937-current | View Entire Issue (May 26, 2004)
Page 2 Illinois Valley News, Cave Junction, OR Wednesday, May 26, 2004 This is the week that I was going to recall my ad- ventures as a Privileged Person working in the snack bar during my high school junior and senior years. But another topic rose to the fore, or maybe even five. It is all the stuff that appears on our screens after watching movies. Do all of you sit patiently and read it? We do sometimes. The beginning titles always amuse me too. But first we must endure the dread warnings from the FBI, CIA, IRS, UPS and NASA about the possi- bility of being sent to the Tijuana Jail and being fined $500,000 if we even think about somehow misusing the movie. However, about those beginning credits. They go something like this. Buena Tortilla Films, in cooperation with Goliath Jr. Movies, in conjunction with Who’s Your Daddy? Productions, working with Dang Crampy Inc. in a joint venture with Buncha Moola Co. and Crapola En- tertainment, present: “Squashed Bug Love.” Based on the Boris X. Borscht novel, adapted by Marilyn Mazola from the stage play by Samuel Shagnasty. With special appreciation to Roget The- saurus and the Anti-Plagiarism League. Then at the end of flick, it appears that half the population of the United States had a hand in its pro- duction. Sometimes the ending credits are longer than the movie. In abbreviated form here, they look some- thing like this: Capt. Humphrey Anchorcranker, played by Moonpie Luna-Nut II First Mate Mr. Accent de Brit, Played by Sir Horatio Fogbottom Second Mate Mr. Gibberish-Reginald Sayewhatt Fat Man-Paunchy Villa Cabin Boy-Ronald Sequins Squeeze Box Musician-Johnny Dripp The Crew was played by various people, none of whose names you would recognize, and who most likely will never be seen in any other movie. Key Grip: (What?) Ralph Acrophobia Second Grip: Frank Hangtough. Third Grip: Armando Stickup. Get a Grip: Susan Shortskirt. Lost Their Grip: David Doofus, Manuel Labor Best Boy-Slim Ennone. Bad Boy-A.R. Klink Stunts: Arnold Fisticuffs, Danny the Gimp, Mr. Harold, Darlene Bruiser, Johnny NoToes, Laura Bonemarrow, Danny “Curad” Strongsmell Punts: Joan Agony, Jerry Falala, Curley Kickem Grunts: Fess Upp, Angela DeHeaven, Mac Marmoset, Whipp Lash Costuming: Emmett Kelly III, Creepy Gonzalez Casting: Freaks & Geeks Ltd. Carpenter: Doug Fir. Stand-by Carpenter: Red Wood. Painter: Slosh Scarlet MD: Franklin Paine. Payroll Master: Dewey Cheatem. Accountant: Ace Slippery Transportation: Honest Harry’s Taxi & Fish-Gutting Service Catering: Gerald’s Taco Emporium, Wieners R Us, Willie’s Kool-Aid Stand Special thanks to Lisa’s Mobile Wine Service, Stephanie’s Peanut Farm, Jolt-‘Em Coffee Bar, Ed’s Cheap Suits, Frank’s Towing & Yogurt Bar. And with deep appreciation to the town of De- pression, Texas; Mayor Frank Finkmaster, Deputy Horatio Badgenut; Donna’s Tequila Palace; The Tyle- nol Emergency Response Team; Dr. Pepper, and Chuey’s Menudo Shack. Dedicated to Johnny X and the Boys Illinois Valley News An Independent Weekly Newspaper Co-owned and published by Robert R. (Bob) and Jan Rodriguez Bob Rodriguez, Editor El Jefe (Editor’s Note: Views and commentary expressed in let- ters to the editor are strictly those of the letter-writers. * * * Typed, double-spaced letters are acceptable for con- sideration. Handwritten letters that are double-spaced and highly legible also can be con- sidered for publication. Cards of thanks are not accepted as letters.) * * * Military pride From Shannon Sanford Stockton, Calif. (Editors Note: Sanford’s son, Tom Jansson, a 2002 Illinois Valley High School graduate, is serving in the U.S. Navy aboard the USS “San Francisco” [SSN 711] a fast-attack submarine. She is on an information e- mail list regarding her son’s ship. She doesn’t have a spouse in the service, but wants to share the following letter to a military spouse. It reads, in part:) While I have never had the pleasure of meeting you or your husband, I felt the need to write you and express a deep feeling in my heart. I am not brave. I do not tackle things head- on, as I hate confrontation. I will travel 100 miles out of my way to avoid a conflict. I am an American woman with no idea what is going on in the military, other than what I hear on the news. I have never had to let go of someone so that they could fight for people that they didn’t know, people that some- times do not appreciate or understand what they are fighting for. I have never had a sleepless night of worry because of a report that another bomb has ex- ploded, and I still haven't heard from my husband. I have never had to wait for months on end to hold the one that I loved so. I have never had to tell my children that daddy wasn’t coming home to- night because he was so far away fighting for some- thing that they aren’t yet News, Classified & Display Ads, Announcements & Letters 3 P.M. FRIDAY (Classified ads & uncomplicated display ads can be accepted until Noon, Monday with an additional charge.) POLICY ON LETTERS: ‘Illinois Valley News’ welcomes letters to the editor provided they are of general interest, in good taste, legible and not libelous. All letters must be signed, using complete name, and contain the writer’s address and telephone number. The latter need not be published, but will be used to verify authenticity. The ‘News’ reserves the right to edit letters. One letter per person per month. Letters are used at the discretion of the publisher. Unpublished letters are neither acknowledged nor returned. A prepaid charge may be levied if a letter is inordinately long in the editor's opinion. POLICY ON “HERE, THERE & EVERYWHERE”, DISPLAY & CLAS- SIFIED ADS & NOTICES: All submissions must be hand delivered, faxed or e-mailed to us for publication. Submissions must be re- submitted each week if the item is to run for more than one week. SUBSCRIPTION RATES One year in Josephine County - $20.80 One year in Jackson and Douglas Counties - $24.40 One year in all other Oregon counties and out-of-state - $28 POSTMASTER: Please send address changes to P.O. Box 1370, Cave Junction, OR. 97523 American Legion Auxiliary Glenn Morrison Unit 70 From Ellie Buell Cave Junction The nearly one million members of the American Legion Auxiliary, the world’s largest patriotic service organization of women, are asking every elected and appointed offi- cial at the local, state, and national level to wear a poppy on the observance of Memorial Day, Mon- day, May 31. We ask that they be worn in honor of the mil- lions of Americans who have willingly served and who are currently serving our nation, all too many of whom have made the ulti- mate sacrifice. We need your help to increase awareness about the memorial poppy and what it represents; a sym- bol of the price of war and the sacrifice of millions. The poppy also honors the hospitalized and dis- abled veterans who make these red hand-crafted flowers. The poppy contin- ues to provide a financial and therapeutic benefit to those veterans who con- struct them, as well as benefiting thousands of other veterans and their families by the revenues collected from poppy dis- tribution. Music by “Southern Oregon Blues Band” will be played at Shop Smart Food Warehouse on Satur- day, May 29. The music will begin at noon and last for ap- proximately two hours. Singing Loom presents FRONTIER DSL MAXIMUM SPEED INTERNET GET ON AND GO – IN A CLICK. Volume 66, No. 10 DEADLINES: You are a special lady, a wonderful partner and a glorious American. I have more respect for your hus- band than I could ever tell you, but until recently I never thought much about those the soldier leaves at home during deployments. Because of you and your family, I can awake to a new day, everyday. I realize that you are a stronger person than I will ever be because of these things and I just wanted to take the time today to say thank you to you and your family for allowing me that freedom. I will never be able to repay this debt to you, as it is unmatch- able. May God bless you. ‘S.O. Blues’ at Shop Smart Saturday Entered as second class matter June 11, 1937 at Post Office as Official Newspaper for Josephine County and Josephine County Three Rivers School District, published at 321 S. Redwood Hwy., Cave Junction, OR 97523 Periodicals postage paid at Cave Junction, OR 97523 Post Office Box 1370 USPS 258-820 Telephone (541) 592-2541, FAX (541) 592-4330 Staff: Cindy Newton, Chris Robertson, Michelle Binker, Shane Welsh, Becky Loudon & Kacy Clement Member: Oregon Newspaper Publishers Association old enough to understand. I have never had to hold my head high and suppress the tears as I hear that it will be at least an- other six months of separa- tion before my loved one gets to come home. I have never had to deal with a holiday away from the one that I thought I would share every day of my life with. And I have never had to feel the panic rising in my heart at the sound of a ringing phone or knock at the door for fear that it is the news that everyone is terrified of getting. For the reasons listed above, I cannot tell you that I understand how you feel. I cannot tell you that you must be strong. I can- not say that you shouldn’t be angry, because you “knew what you were get- ting into when you married a military man.” I cannot say these things because I have never had to walk in your shoes. What I can say for cer- tain is that because of your unselfish acts of bravery and your husband’s will- ingness to stand up for those who see him as “just another soldier” — I ex- pected to uphold a certain amount of control, but I never understood how you could do it, until now. I have figured out that you are not like other women. You are a special breed. You have a strength within you that holds life together in the darkest of hours, a strength of which I will never possess. The faith you have is what makes you stand out in a crowd; it makes you glow with emotion and swell with pride at the mention of the United States of America. The downtown Cave Junction community room at A Creative Space Room rental by the hour or by the day. A gracious space in a central location for your meeting, workshop, seminar, tea party, yoga, film, music, poetry reading, etc… 119 1/2 S. Redwood Hwy. 592-6484 The opening date of a new restaurant, The Strip, at Illinois Valley Airport, has been revised to June 20 from the originally planned date of June 1, according to co-owner Joy Taylor. “ click ” You’re connected. “ click ” You’re online. “ click ” You’re among friends. • Connects to your existing phone line. • Free, easy-to-use self installation kit. • No drilling or rewiring to get set up. • Our fastest Internet connection. • Up to 20 times faster than Dial-Up. • Always on and consistently fast. • Use the phone and be online at the same time. • Shop,surf,chat,game,swap photos and stay connected. • Free WebMail and remote Dial-Up access. Plus, you get free Anti-Spam protection and one-bill convenience – all from your local phone company – Frontier. 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