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About Siletz news / (Siletz, OR) 199?-current | View Entire Issue (June 1, 2011)
^\IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIH4£ I Scholarship | Opportunity | Title: Christopher B. Duro Fellowship | f Deadline: June 30, 2011 f Website: www.sctei.org. The Christopher B. Duro Fei- 1 lowship is a merit and need-based | fellowship for Native students pur- | suing graduate study to help the | advancement of Native communities. | Students who are chosen to be Duro | Fellows will be eligible for up to f $25,000 per year, based on need, and = will be required to perform commu- | nity service hours with the Southern | California Tribal Education Institute | and publish a scholarly article. Preference will be given to first- f generation Native graduate students. Incomplete applications will not i be reviewed. Contact Information: Christo- | pher B. Duro Fellowship Coordinator | -sctei@yahoo.com Notification of Awards: August I 2011 | f | | | | f | = | | = | | | | t z'niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiininv' Library donations help beautify grounds, clean floors By Audrey Casper A local resident and longtime sup porter of the Siletz Public Library gave $300 to replace plants that had died over the winter and to fill in some blank spaces in the landscape. Bank of the West donated $500 to purchase additional supplies and plants to finish our current beautification project. In May, the Siletz Valley Friends of the Library received $1,000 from the Siletz Tribal Charitable Contribution Fund to get the floors cleaned. Several SVFOL board members traveled to Garland’s Nursery in Corval lis in late March. This journey yielded a truckload of flowering plants and shrubs One special purchase was a Pieris Japonica (Lily of the Valley shrub) to plant in memory of Jan Christensen, a longtime library district board member and supporter of the Siletz Library, who passed away in December 2010. Additional purchases in Lincoln County added a pile of landscape mulch and more tubing for our irrigation system. A crew from the Lincoln County Jail spent the better part of two days plant ing the new pur chases, installing the expanded irri gation system and spreading mulch. We look for ward to seeing the outcome of this labor over the summer and hope all of you can stop by and enjoy the library - both inside and outside. Courtesy photo by Audrey Casper Alice McCain, a Siletz Valley Friends of the Library board member and chair of the Landscape Committee, adds finishing touches to the recent landscape project. June notes from the Healthy Family Healthy Child Project By Mark Kimball, Project Manager This month is the beginning of the end of the series of articles on raising our children. This month we will look at “The Family Meeting.” As with all of the articles in this series, I hope you will find the subject interesting and challenging. Democratic family relationships develop most effectively when all mem bers of the family have an equal oppor tunity to join in the decision-making process. This can be accomplished by having family meetings. The family meeting is a regularly scheduled meeting of all family mem bers. The topics are their beliefs, values, wishes, complaints, plans, questions and suggestions. It is an opportunity for all to be heard on issues arising in the family. The family meeting is an appropriate time to plan family fun and to share good experiences and positive feelings toward each other. Regular meetings can pro mote family harmony by providing time for establishing rules, making decisions, recognizing the good things happening in the family and pointing out strengths of individual members. Some parents object to the idea of regular meetings. “We don’t need them,” they say. “Our family already holds a con tinual family meeting. We discuss things like this all the time.” Nevertheless, I would urge you to set aside a routine time for family meetings to promote a definite commitment on each person’s part to share in family concerns. The meeting time should be convenient for everyone. If some members decide not to attend the meeting, they will have to accept the logical consequences of not attending; for example, the rest of the family might make decisions that will affect them with out benefit of their input. 16 * Siletz News * To summarize, the family meeting provides opportunities for: • • • • • • Being heard Expressing positive feelings about one another and giving encouragement Distributing chores fairly among members Expressing concerns, feelings and complaints Settling conflicts and dealing with recurring issues Planning Guidelines for family meetings I would suggest the following as guidelines for family meetings: Meet at a regularly scheduled time so family members can make their plans accordingly and can count on a time to discuss issues that are important to them. Rotate the chair. Share the respon sibilities of the meeting itself by rotating who chairs the meeting. A parent can take the chair first to model the procedures. Then the family can plan a way to rotate the responsibility among children and parents. The original chairperson should be a family member who believes in equal rights and democratic relationships. The chairperson starts and closes the meet ing in line with times agreed upon. That person makes sure all points of view are heard and tries to keep members focused on the issue under discussion. The method of rotation should be a group decision. Generally, a child of school age can serve as chairperson with adult guidance. Adult intervention should be minimal - reminding the child of procedures if necessary, but allowing the child to lead the group. Keep minutes of family meetings so you have a record of issues, plans and decisions. Some families find it helpful to post the minutes of each meeting so June 2011 family members can check the agreements made. The role of secretary also should rotate between family members. Plan the time. Together, plan the amount of time you will reserve for fam ily meetings. They should not run longer than one hour with older children, and not more than 20-30 minutes with young ones. Stay with your plans. Focus on the business at hand. Let all join in the discussion. All family members must have the opportu nity to make suggestions about an issue under discussion. Parents as well as chil dren join in making suggestions. If the children come up with appropriate ideas, parents should generally refrain from add ing more, especially in the early stages of family meetings. It is important to withhold your sug gestions until the children have finished giving theirs. If you “jump in” with sug gestions right away, the children may feel you are trying to force your ideas on them. After the democratic atmosphere has been established, interactions back and forth can become more lively and vigorous. Limit griping. Guard against letting the meetings become gripe sessions. If griping becomes chronic, establish a rule that complaints will be heard only if the complainer is willing to seek a solution. This can be done by asking the person rais ing the problem whether he or she wants to solve it or only to complain about it. The leader’s function is to be sensitive to the complainer’s feelings about the prob lem, send I-messages when appropriate and keep the focus on “What can we do about it? How can we solve the problem?” Cooperate in choosing chores. In deciding who will do the household chores, parents and children together make a list of necessary chores and then decide how to distribute them. Parents can initiate a spirit of cooperation by volunteering for the less desirable jobs themselves. Parents should not, however, continue to volunteer only for the “worst” chores. To avoid misunderstandings, the family needs to decide chore deadlines and what the consequences will be if the deadlines are missed. Honor agreements. Any agree ments made in the family meetings are to be in effect until the next meeting (in most cases, one week). Sometimes chil dren will have difficulty in keeping their agreements. When this happens, parents can use logical consequences. Parents too, of course, should honor their agreements. Make meetings a reliable forum. Any complaint about decisions from a meeting should be deferred until the next scheduled meeting. When a complaint about a decision is made during the week, “Bring it up at the family meeting” should be a consistent reply. If that statement is honored at the next meeting, family mem bers then learn they have a reliable forum. Address everyone’s issues. All family members must have the opportu nity to bring up matters important to them. If the meetings are dominated by issues the parents want to discuss, the children will lose interest or not feel involved. The leader can encourage the children’s involvement by asking, “Who has some thing they want to discuss?” Some families establish an agenda book that members sign if they wish to bring something up at the next meeting. After the agreements of the last meeting are reviewed, the chairperson refers to the first name on the list and begins the meet ing with that person’s topic. Members who do not get a chance to discuss their interests can be first at the next meeting. Family members who want to bring up something but do not sign up can intro duce their topics after those who did sign up are finished, if time permits. See Notes, con’t on next page.
