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WEDNESDAY, MAY 2014 Move over eHarmony, The Print is here Spring is the time fo r romance, and whether you're casually dating or looking fo r something long-term, our in-house dating and relationship experts have some advice to achieve success. f LizGomes i December 29,2011 i t W ■ ? ' Pm really excited about school. © And PH get a much better opportunity to «5)7 Q 2 Like Comment Promote Share I, Angel i Blake Thomason <&BigQawgBI*. What do 1 say f i Blake Thomason ©BigpawgBT Screw it I'm going for it f i Blake Thomason @BigDawgBT Cute girls working retail: are you interested or just doing good customer service? In the fall o f 2011, m y life looked p retty grim . I’d ju st been dum ped for tne m illionth tim e by a guy w ho liked to change his m in d , I’d alienated m o st o f m y friends and my room m ate to sustain th at toxic relationship, and m y job had been dead-ending for a while. As I cried reading th a t last break-up text (yes it was over a text m essage) som ething becam e a b u n d an tly clear -<d peeded^a.clean s la te .^ ijh in ^ h e tnonffi T’d 'f ô ü h d -a n ew ' a p art m ent? I dyed m y h a ir (because you always dye yo u r h a ir after a break-up, right?), and m ost im p o rta n tly - I registered to go b acL to school at Clackam as C om m unity College. I chose a Biology course and a film course for m y first term back, th in k in g I’d balance w ork and play. ~ I n Biology, m y te a c h e r H e ath e r C a rp e n te r m ad e h e r students sw itch tables weekly to get everyone acquainted. Like som e cosm ic m atchm aker, she stopped sw itching u s th e w eek I m oved to Jake’s table. We started as com petitive rivals g u nning for thé h ig h est grade, b u t after discovering a m utual affinity for m em es and th e show “T he Office,” 1 knew th at I’d ju st m et som eone im por tant. I used a ‘study group’ as an excuse to exchange num bers, and ju st like th at, we’d established an outside-of-class connection. We created a p o st-fin als h a n g o u t w ith o u r table m ates, and from there started hanging o u t alone a n d eventually becom e official. Today we live together, have a dog and will be celebrating o u r two-year anniversary on the 22nd o f th is m onth. O u r success is based o n a m ix o f luck, tria l and error, arid cir cum stantial boldness. If I hadn’t picked that term to go back, if we h a d b een forced to sw itch tables ju st one m ore tim e, if I hadn’t reevaluated w hat T t h o u g h t ! deserved, we could have m issed o u r opportunity. T his b rings m e to m y first piece q f a d v ic e:.. . - -Know yourself. Because I was shy and inse cure, I was a black-belt bystander fo r m y teens and early tw enties. Find a circle o f people who m ake you feel good about, yourself (no m atter how w eird you are, I prom ise they’re out there.) O nce comfortable in your skin, you can properly represent yourself others. K now ing, .who you are and What m akes you happy has everything to do w ith how successful you’ll be at finding a good m atcn. -Don’t be afraid to try. . . . I f you, are unhap p y w ith your dating record or unhappy in gen- efal -r m ake i.ch an g e. I t could be as sim ple a s talking to som eone at a bus stop o r taking a class. If your circle o f acquaintances is stale, expand it. If you sit o n your hands and wait for the right person to appear, you m ight miss your shot with the guy who smiles w hen he h ands you your coffee o r th at girl in your class w ith the great laugh. W orst case scenario - they’re not interested or available, but you can’t be afraid to find out. -Don’t go in “b lind”. B lind-dating is alm ost always a terrible idea, especially if you haven’t m ade clear w hat you’re looking for to the people w ho set you up. T hrow ing som eone into an aw kw ard situation a n d forc ing them to talk, kiss, etc. w ith a stranger whom they may not even be com patible w ith isn’t dating, it’s a social experiment. Politeness can lead -to-. m isinterpretation, o r you can end up taking the m ax tra in to a snady studio ap artm en t dow ntow n w here the kitchen sin k is full o f rotisserie chicken carcasses a n d th e floors are lin e d w ith th e m attresses th a t he a n d his tw o room m ates ip share (not kidding.) G etting to know som eone organically isn’t im possible, and if you really don’t have tim e to find som e- one yourself, have your ‘help ful’ friends arrange a group event so the pressure isn’t on you. Even online d ating rites give you th e o p p o rtu n ity fo w eed out the w eirdos, in the safety o f your own hom e. -Communicate your thoughts a n d feelings. Once you ve found someone, it« im p o rta n t th a t you. keep your, c h a n n e l s o f c o m m u n i ç a - , t i o r i open j n both directions: P ent up frustrations can lead to resentm ent, a n d the longer you keep it bottled the bigger th e problem will becom e. It’s also a g o o d idea to com m uni cate w ith yourself. “Am i being petty? Is this m ore about me than them ?” If you can trouble shoot and resolve your-, o w n . issues before brin g in g therp to the tablëy tt m ay spare y ô ù a n un n eed ed disagreem ent. If thé issue is som ething th at actually needs to be addressed, be k in a a n d rem em ber that, you care about them . -Identify your deal-breakers early. If they don’t w ant kids and y ou do, i f you believe in G od b u t they don’t, if they’re flirty a n d you hâve tru s t issues - there« little you can do to com prom ise. P art o f know ing w hat you w ant is knowing what y o u c a n and can’t do w ithout. B etting on a n eventual change o f m in d seldom w orks o u t and can be a very risky and harm ful waste o f tim e, a n d if you have to force som eone to change w ho .th ey are to fit yo ü r m old o r vice versa, you’re doing it w rong. An acknow ledgm ent o f this advice will take you a long way, b u t tru s t your instincts. If it feels right, it’s probably w orth yo u r tim e. I f n o t - m ove on. Just South o f the college. A confortante jrfiace to meet, study, redox JFoocf Coffee, TVrne, 'Beer. 20068 S 2 fw y 213 in Oregon City yvi'ji C heck o u t o u r website I FOR A YUM M Y VEGAN-FRIENDLY RECIPE I THECLACKAMASPRINT.COM • 4d Stepping on the dating scene Chemistry sparks in biology class by LIZ GOMES È 4d | T a m a ra fififila n d 4 others ifce Hus. Kait Gomes I cant wait for you to meet the man of your dreams in Biology ITO showya! December 30» 2011 at 8:14am ■ Like * «51 associate photo editor 1 . “A" S'*" f get new friends in Film than in Bio. Andyj Blake Thomason ©BsgDawgBT Got her number O I by BLAKE THOMASON sports editor ' It’s funny to be the “expert” on dating advice at only 19, but I guess that’s what happens when you have all'sorts* o f experience talking to girls Or 'getting dates. Even among m y m ends group, I’v e been the g o -to g u y for help, with relationships. This is just m y third term here at Clackamas, but I have m et a handful of girls and gone on some-dates. , Going to a community college isn’t all that different from h ig h sch ool in term s o f k n ow in g y o u ’re you’re talking to som eone you feel the need to act differently to be more impressive, h u t that will actually h urt you in the long run. There are two m am reasons to just be you: acting different and better can set yourself up for disappoint m ent when the truth comes out, and being yourself makes it easier to find someone who is attracted to the. real, weird you. -Know what kind of relationship you want. This is critical because ifydu are unsure of what you want and you start dating so m e o n e , so m ew h ere d o w n the road y o u ’ll either have to leaving soon to go to a different conform to the other person’s desire school That makes it difficult to or break it off after an unneces find and sustain a relationship sary am ount o f time has gone by. with someone. As I mentioned, Com m unication is. key in anyrela- I hâve been fortunate enough to tionship, and the sooner you make find some girls and go on dates, it d ear what you’re looking for, the but nothing has worked out sô far easier it is to decide if you want to (which is why I’m waiting.this part move forward with your potential boyfriend/girlfriend or move on. of the story and not Lizs part). -Know what type of person you’re However, experience is an invaluable learning tool. Just looking for. It’s easy to jum p into a relation recently, I was running an errand and encountered a cute girl. In ship with someone just because general, girls can be confusing, but they’re attractive or share some girls in customer service are espe similar interests. It’s also h a rd to let cially tricky - are they interested, go of someone who does meet some or just being a nice employee? In o f your ideal traits. To avoid .put the past, I probably would’ve just ting yourself in a bad situation, be played it safe and let her go with upfront with him or her and yourself out seeing if she was interested. about what you are looking for in This time, because o f past experi a potential boyfriend or girlfriend, ences, I went for it and ended up and don’t feel bad about breaking it off with someone who just isn’t right getting her number. That leads into one o f m y tips for you. However, don’t be so quick for the active d ater:: someone to judge the other person; give it who isn’t in a relationship yèt but • , some time so you can be confident is looking to meet and date new before you prematurely end it- -Don’t sit back and wait. people. I ’m a firm believer ^ destiny and -Be confident. How m any times have you that there’s someone put there for heard “the animal is more afraid of everyone, h u t I don’t think you can you, than you are of it”? I doubt the* •jiist sit back and wait fof that special girl or guy you’re planning on talk someone to fall into your lap. For ing to is actually afraid ofyou, hut some people, m eeting that special you get the idea;,There’s ,nothing someone is, as simple as sitting at the to be scared of when approaching same table in Biology class. For the someone, thé worst that canhàp- rest of us, it takes effort and multiple pen is rejection. I know no b o d y . attempts .of .putting yourself out wants to face rejection, but out there - even if that means getting o f every person you m eet all of turned dow n.A ll thosp rejections them are going to reject you or not of failed relationships are practices work out except for one. If I got to make yourself a better person discouraged after everytim e a girl and better boyfriend/girlfriend, so said “no’Vo r “I have a boyfriend” w hen you do finally m eet “the one” I wouldn’t have m et the girl Tin you’ll be ready. There are a lot o f fish in the sea, currently seeing. Unless you’re talking to someone who hasn’t but not everyone is good at fishing. shown any sign that he or she is That’s okay, you Only have to catch interested, there’s a good chance one. I f you find yourself hooking a lot o f fish, but unable to reel one they will say yes to you. in, don’t get discouraged, because -Be yourself. I know this isn’t exactly with each try you get better and you groundbreaking stuff, but it really eliminate bad fish. Eventually you is important. Sometimes when will reel in ‘the one.’
