WEDNESDAY, MAY
2014
Move over eHarmony, The Print is here
Spring is the time fo r romance, and whether you're casually dating or looking fo r something long-term,
our in-house dating and relationship experts have some advice to achieve success.
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LizGomes
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December 29,2011 i t
W ■ ? '
Pm really excited about school. © And PH get a much better opportunity to
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I, Angel
i
Blake Thomason <&BigQawgBI*.
What do 1 say
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i
Blake Thomason ©BigpawgBT
Screw it I'm going for it
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Blake Thomason @BigDawgBT
Cute girls working retail: are you
interested or just doing good
customer service?
In the fall o f 2011, m y life
looked p retty grim . I’d ju st been
dum ped for tne m illionth tim e
by a guy w ho liked to change
his m in d , I’d alienated m o st o f
m y friends and my room m ate
to sustain th at toxic relationship,
and m y job had been dead-ending
for a while. As I cried reading
th a t last break-up text (yes it was
over a text m essage) som ething
becam e a b u n d an tly clear -<d
peeded^a.clean s la te .^ ijh in ^ h e
tnonffi T’d 'f ô ü h d -a n ew ' a p art
m ent? I dyed m y h a ir (because
you always dye yo u r h a ir after
a break-up, right?), and m ost
im p o rta n tly - I registered to
go b acL to school at Clackam as
C om m unity College.
I chose a Biology course and
a film course for m y first term
back, th in k in g I’d balance w ork
and play.
~
I n Biology, m y te a c h e r
H e ath e r C a rp e n te r m ad e h e r
students sw itch tables weekly to
get everyone acquainted. Like
som e cosm ic m atchm aker, she
stopped sw itching u s th e w eek I
m oved to Jake’s table.
We started as com petitive
rivals g u nning for thé h ig h est
grade, b u t after discovering a
m utual affinity for m em es and
th e show “T he Office,” 1 knew
th at I’d ju st m et som eone im por
tant. I used a ‘study group’ as an
excuse to exchange num bers, and
ju st like th at, we’d established an
outside-of-class connection. We
created a p o st-fin als h a n g o u t
w ith o u r table m ates, and from
there started hanging o u t alone
a n d eventually becom e official.
Today we live together, have a
dog and will be celebrating o u r
two-year anniversary on the 22nd
o f th is m onth.
O u r success is based o n a m ix
o f luck, tria l and error, arid cir
cum stantial boldness. If I hadn’t
picked that term to go back, if we
h a d b een forced to sw itch tables
ju st one m ore tim e, if I hadn’t
reevaluated w hat T t h o u g h t !
deserved, we could have m issed
o u r opportunity. T his b rings m e
to m y first piece q f a d v ic e:..
. - -Know yourself.
Because I was shy and inse
cure, I was a black-belt bystander
fo r m y teens and early tw enties.
Find a circle o f people who m ake
you feel good about, yourself
(no m atter how w eird you are, I
prom ise they’re out there.) O nce
comfortable in your skin, you
can properly represent yourself
others. K now ing, .who you
are and What m akes you happy
has everything to do w ith how
successful you’ll be at finding a
good m atcn.
-Don’t be afraid to try.
. . . I f you, are unhap p y w ith your
dating record or unhappy in gen-
efal -r m ake i.ch an g e. I t could be
as sim ple a s talking to som eone
at a bus stop o r taking a class.
If your circle o f acquaintances
is stale, expand it. If you sit o n
your hands and wait for the right
person to appear, you m ight miss
your shot with the guy who smiles
w hen he h ands you your coffee
o r th at girl in your class w ith the
great laugh. W orst case scenario -
they’re not interested or available,
but you can’t be afraid to find out.
-Don’t go in “b lind”.
B lind-dating is alm ost always
a terrible idea, especially if you
haven’t m ade clear w hat you’re
looking for to the people w ho set
you up. T hrow ing som eone into
an aw kw ard situation a n d forc
ing them to talk, kiss, etc. w ith a
stranger whom they may not even
be com patible w ith isn’t dating,
it’s a social experiment. Politeness
can lead -to-. m isinterpretation,
o r you can end up taking the
m ax tra in to a snady studio
ap artm en t dow ntow n w here the
kitchen sin k is full o f rotisserie
chicken carcasses a n d th e floors
are lin e d w ith th e m attresses
th a t he a n d his tw o room m ates
ip
share (not kidding.) G etting to
know som eone organically isn’t
im possible, and if you really
don’t have tim e to find som e-
one yourself, have your ‘help
ful’ friends arrange a group
event so the pressure isn’t on
you. Even online d ating rites
give you th e o p p o rtu n ity fo
w eed out the w eirdos, in the
safety o f your own hom e.
-Communicate your thoughts
a n d feelings.
Once you ve found someone,
it« im p o rta n t th a t you. keep
your, c h a n n e l s o f c o m m u n i ç a - ,
t i o r i open j n both directions:
P ent up frustrations can lead
to resentm ent, a n d the longer
you keep it bottled the bigger
th e problem will becom e. It’s
also a g o o d idea to com m uni
cate w ith yourself. “Am i being
petty? Is this m ore about me
than them ?” If you can trouble
shoot and resolve your-, o w n .
issues before brin g in g therp to
the tablëy tt m ay spare y ô ù a n
un n eed ed disagreem ent. If thé
issue is som ething th at actually
needs to be addressed, be k in a
a n d rem em ber that, you care
about them .
-Identify your deal-breakers
early.
If they don’t w ant kids and
y ou do, i f you believe in G od
b u t they don’t, if they’re flirty
a n d you hâve tru s t issues -
there« little you can do to
com prom ise. P art o f know ing
w hat you w ant is knowing what
y o u c a n and can’t do w ithout.
B etting on a n eventual change
o f m in d seldom w orks o u t and
can be a very risky and harm ful
waste o f tim e, a n d if you have
to force som eone to change
w ho .th ey are to fit yo ü r m old
o r vice versa, you’re doing it
w rong.
An acknow ledgm ent o f this
advice will take you a long way,
b u t tru s t your instincts. If it
feels right, it’s probably w orth
yo u r tim e. I f n o t - m ove on.
Just South o f the college.
A confortante jrfiace to meet, study, redox
JFoocf Coffee, TVrne, 'Beer.
20068 S 2 fw y 213 in Oregon City
yvi'ji
C heck
o u t o u r website
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• 4d
Stepping on the dating scene
Chemistry sparks in biology class
by LIZ GOMES
È 4d |
T a m a ra fififila n d 4 others ifce Hus.
Kait Gomes I cant wait for you to meet the man of your dreams in Biology ITO
showya!
December 30» 2011 at 8:14am ■ Like * «51
associate photo editor
1 . “A" S'*"
f
get new friends in Film than in Bio.
Andyj
Blake Thomason ©BsgDawgBT
Got her number O
I
by BLAKE THOMASON
sports editor
' It’s funny to be the “expert”
on dating advice at only 19, but
I guess that’s what happens when
you have all'sorts* o f experience
talking to girls Or 'getting dates.
Even among m y m ends group,
I’v e been the g o -to g u y for help,
with relationships. This is just m y
third term here at Clackamas, but
I have m et a handful of girls and
gone on some-dates. ,
Going to a community college
isn’t all that different from h ig h
sch ool in term s o f k n ow in g y o u ’re
you’re talking to som eone you
feel the need to act differently to
be more impressive, h u t that will
actually h urt you in the long run.
There are two m am reasons to just
be you: acting different and better
can set yourself up for disappoint
m ent when the truth comes out,
and being yourself makes it easier
to find someone who is attracted to
the. real, weird you.
-Know what kind of relationship
you want.
This is critical because ifydu are
unsure of what you want and you
start dating so m e o n e , so m ew h ere
d o w n the road y o u ’ll either have to
leaving soon to go to a different conform to the other person’s desire
school That makes it difficult to or break it off after an unneces
find and sustain a relationship sary am ount o f time has gone by.
with someone. As I mentioned, Com m unication is. key in anyrela-
I hâve been fortunate enough to tionship, and the sooner you make
find some girls and go on dates, it d ear what you’re looking for, the
but nothing has worked out sô far easier it is to decide if you want to
(which is why I’m waiting.this part move forward with your potential
boyfriend/girlfriend or move on.
of the story and not Lizs part).
-Know what type of person you’re
However, experience is an
invaluable learning tool. Just looking for.
It’s easy to jum p into a relation
recently, I was running an errand
and encountered a cute girl. In ship with someone just because
general, girls can be confusing, but they’re attractive or share some
girls in customer service are espe similar interests. It’s also h a rd to let
cially tricky - are they interested, go of someone who does meet some
or just being a nice employee? In o f your ideal traits. To avoid .put
the past, I probably would’ve just ting yourself in a bad situation, be
played it safe and let her go with upfront with him or her and yourself
out seeing if she was interested. about what you are looking for in
This time, because o f past experi a potential boyfriend or girlfriend,
ences, I went for it and ended up and don’t feel bad about breaking it
off with someone who just isn’t right
getting her number.
That leads into one o f m y tips for you. However, don’t be so quick
for the active d ater:: someone to judge the other person; give it
who isn’t in a relationship yèt but • , some time so you can be confident
is looking to meet and date new before you prematurely end it-
-Don’t sit back and wait.
people.
I ’m a firm believer ^ destiny and
-Be confident.
How m any times have you that there’s someone put there for
heard “the animal is more afraid of everyone, h u t I don’t think you can
you, than you are of it”? I doubt the* •jiist sit back and wait fof that special
girl or guy you’re planning on talk someone to fall into your lap. For
ing to is actually afraid ofyou, hut some people, m eeting that special
you get the idea;,There’s ,nothing someone is, as simple as sitting at the
to be scared of when approaching same table in Biology class. For the
someone, thé worst that canhàp- rest of us, it takes effort and multiple
pen is rejection. I know no b o d y . attempts .of .putting yourself out
wants to face rejection, but out there - even if that means getting
o f every person you m eet all of turned dow n.A ll thosp rejections
them are going to reject you or not of failed relationships are practices
work out except for one. If I got to make yourself a better person
discouraged after everytim e a girl and better boyfriend/girlfriend, so
said “no’Vo r “I have a boyfriend” w hen you do finally m eet “the one”
I wouldn’t have m et the girl Tin you’ll be ready.
There are a lot o f fish in the sea,
currently seeing. Unless you’re
talking to someone who hasn’t but not everyone is good at fishing.
shown any sign that he or she is That’s okay, you Only have to catch
interested, there’s a good chance one. I f you find yourself hooking
a lot o f fish, but unable to reel one
they will say yes to you.
in, don’t get discouraged, because
-Be yourself.
I know this isn’t exactly with each try you get better and you
groundbreaking stuff, but it really eliminate bad fish. Eventually you
is important. Sometimes when will reel in ‘the one.’