Image provided by: Clackamas Community College; Oregon City, OR
About The Clackamas print. (Oregon City, Oregon) 1989-2019 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 31, 2012)
Wednesday, Oct. 31,2012 ffallÿwçgp §B$çisl wBffigi www.TheCIackamasPr i nt.com Clackamas Community College, Oregon City, OR K An independent, student run newspaper since 1966 Brain binge at Brain Bowl AnnaAxelson & Joshua Dillen Co Editors in Chief Today’s edition o f The Clackamas Print makes it obvi ous something horribly inexpli cable has infected fee pages o f this weekly publication Print staff have reported events feat may never be fully understood. The chaos started at a seemingly harmless journalism retreat in fee rugged wilderness that is south o f Milwaukie. Ore. While fee details are still vague, it seems pod people may have taken control of the Print staff, ultimately controlling these •pages in a premeditated con spiracy. The invasion o f each and every' section has subjected our readers to information typi cally not meant for theft eyes or We were on edge. Around I arn on Oct 21. we noticed some strange happenings as fee night grew old. Self reversing paintings, rot ten smells, sounds from non-exis tent. creepy stairs and a groaning furnace combined wife general uneasiness had us checking the locks on fee doors Around 3 a.m., fee paintings had returned to their original placement. Ad Manager Caylee Miller, being fee only one in fee room before we discovered this, responded to our stunned inquiries wife a fiendish grin and a (fork laugh that left us all unsettled as she murmured a good night As fee early morning hour ticked away .and silence conMfeed our surrounds, case did not come. W ife hesitation every ope parted ways and slid alone anti paranoid into their bunks. We Co-Oriel's triple checked the locks on fee .win dows and doors. .After arriving at the Print lab on Monday, it was o b v io ifl||b had even reality. On Oct. 20 there was a dis entered fee“Tw ilightZoiie?,Theiirsl turbance in the air, a stale afte'r- indication was fee arrival o f . thought ,oTsoxuethJngthat..oiice Pioduction Manager James J^Linc.ui Wdij, W? noticed it imme- ¡ ,at the Print lab on tune and pie- diately upon settling in to our pared. This was unprecedented, .. By Wetl. Oct. 24. News Editor. accommodations at the newly renovated Bate's Lodge on fee Felicia Skriver confused her writers with multiple references to brains as river. ‘T he door off fee kitchen we assigned stories for the issue you leads to creepy stairs down to fee hold within your hands. “in this political climate and furnace.” said Editor Brittany Bell. ‘‘There's something down wife fee brains we have on the table, we really have to use our brains,” there, I just know it." I lowever when others opened said Skriver. “and. damn it. do some brainstorming and give me some fee door, it led to nowhere. “1 don’t know what she’s good campaign brains er. news." Her words werequickly drowned talking about," said Adviser Melissa Jones. “Everyone really out by a chorus of giowlmg stom needs to lay off the coffee." achs that had us all exchanging Oblivious. Jones abandoned us worried looks. By Friday, we were getting not and went home to fee warmth only weird -reports o f sightings and security o f her family. aiound campus, disturbances that couldn’t be explained, but multiple members of the Print staff were beginning to look worse for wear, Editoi Chris Taylor, who has the habit of bringing his lunch to class, arrived with a raw steak in hand. “Eh. it’s what I was cra\ ing lor some reason,” he said before digging in without the hindrance o f cutlery'. Even we can't say we went unaffected. “Precious, my Precious," muttered Joshua Dillen on numerous occasions and Anna Axelson was caught in random Fits o f maniacal laughter... Editor Steven Weldon e \e p ,‘-began speaking with a flawless Roi nanian accent. As articles began flooding in for ifcdiling. there was no lon- ger a doubt feat something was seriously wrong. F Yesterday, production day, under strange .¿tlBpulsion we were all obli gated to put these stories on the page, battling wife fee moral Master masticators gather annually to^chetf the fat. Hctil o f Fame brain eater Harold “Choppy” Clompazowski chomps at the start oflast yea r’s competition. Andrew Millbrooke 1 1 Sports Editor Before becoming alarmed at the human bodies and souls lost in fee 102nd annual Medulla Oblongata Bowl, remember that the only humans to be used in the contest are pulled from fee Lane Community’ College student population, reduc ing the loss to society o f any future and elbica^fjenpJicalion.', o f d o in g great ¡thinkers, or solid citizens: so as Shcti W ooley's This celebrated brain eating con test, set.to run this Friday is dubbed fee longest Tunning full brain and skull cracking contest west o f fee Mississippi River. . “We’re happy to be hosting all o f fee festivities this year,” said Oregon City head coach Bear Patemo, who is entering his 40fe year helming the Cerebellum Slurpers. “We are in charge o f fee parade and fireworks show that run before and after the main event. We can’t be happier wife fee support from fee local community.” The^ Oregon City’ Cerebellum Slurpers have e aten ! brsuns on the same level with fee Portland Protoplasmics for the past few sea "Purple .People Eater” streamed in the background over the speakers of oui fabulous smart room fear not dear readers, because as fete issue was being sent to fee printer and these words were written, the side effects had begun to fade, leas mg us dazed, confused. Be assured that next week, we all will have recovered from our onleal and will be back in fine lorm io serve our cher ished readers with all your vital CCC lteWS. ' ", ' ■ Until then. shhh... no one else needs to know about this minor indiscretion. sons, but have not broken through wife a victory in head to head competition in this rivalry since 2002. Is this’ fee year feat the Cerebellum Slurpers break through tq. win the celebrated Medulla Oblongata Bowl trophy, or will fee Protoplasmics I take it down for an lif e straight season as they seem to. thrive when, fee competition is toughest? Let’s first discuss fee rules, sg^ that you know what is going to happen w hen the Friday afternoon. Each team has five competitors that match up one on one wife someone from fee opposing team. Whoever eats fee most brains out o f LCC student’s bodies in.,onet minute wins the round and gives its team a point. The first team to three pointe wins the game. That is why most teams put their best brain eaters in fee early matches To get quick pointe and gain momentum. Chopping up and then chewing all o f fee brain bits and juices is fee preferred method because then you- can make sure and get every7 last morsel. Please see BRAINS, Page 4 Zombies swarm campus, college overrun Emily Rask Associate News Editor They’v e arrived. The ones we’ve, all been dreading ... zom bies. Not only has Clackamas Community College flipped upside down, but students have been after other students. Almost everyone' still alive has now taken to hiding in either the library in the Dye Learning Center .or has gathered in fee gymnasium in Randall Hall. Most students were frightened at first, but others have come rath er prepared, such, as Co-Editor- P IS C L A IM E R : in-Chief o f The Clackamas Print, Joshua Dillen. ¿He gathered the entire Print staff together; all terri fied for their lives, he led them to a safe place near fee entrance Roger Rook Hall. What he didn’t realize however, is ¡that just around fee comer five zombies were waiting to attack. Each zombie group had a lead er; this group’s leader was News Editor Felicia Skriver, who was turned shortly after fee, first ones hit CCC. She’s raging, never let- ting Anything or anyone get in her way. Her group consisted o f four more zombies - all Print staff: Andrew Millbrooke, Brian Steele, MO STAFF, STURENTS, Hannah Duckworth and myself, Emily Rask. The first to spot this group was Melissa Jones, a frightened journal ism teacher at CCC who was just teaching a newspaper production class when fee zombie apocalypse began. Before finding thezom bies she was just walking around Roger Rook tryingto find a place to hide out, but just as she’ turned another corner there they were, feasting on what seemed to be fee remains o f a now former CCC ' student They immediately smelled her liv in g human stench and looked up straightaway. HUMANS, ANIMALS Frozen from the shock o f what she was witnessing, Jones stuttered at fee thought o f what she would have to do next. Millbrooke looked up and ran to w a rd Jo n es, hungry for some more human flesh. Jones bolted the other direction in hope o f finding a room she could quickly lock herself into, but only found fee elevator. Hopping in, Jones quickly pressed the button for the next floor up and repeatedly smashed her fin ger on fee “close door” button. Just as’, fee doors were’ sliding closed, Millbrooke got close enough to reach his arm in the remaining gap: and prevent them from closing. Of? FICTIONAL CHARACTERS WERE HARMER IN THS CREATION OF THIS ISSUS OF THE CLACKAMAS PVIMT, ALL CONTENT CONTAINER WITHIN THESE PAGES IS FICTION. WHILE SOM E ARTICLES MAY BE INSPIRER BY TRUE EVENTS ¿WHEN STATER, WE LL LET YOU KNOW WHERE TO FINR THE REAL INFORMATION), ZO M B IES HAVE NOT TAKEN OVER, ALIENS HAVE NOT INVARER, GHOSTS ÀNR GHOULS HAVE NOT CROSSER OVER. ŸOM A (? £ S A F B / t h a n k s / - t h è p r in t s t a ff From there on, Millbrooke had his own .feast. W hen M illbrooke returned, Skriver started to prowl for more humans w ife her group. As we ran toward Barlow Hall, we saw a man limping over fee yard. Photo Editor Brad Heineke seemed to have been bitten by a zombie arid appeared to have no m ore feeling in his leg. We stopped and Heineke looked up immediately, but wife his injured leg, all hope was lost ■ as he too became a meal. Sensing that there would be Please see ZOMBIES, Page 5 ENTER... XF YOU RARE
