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About The Clackamas print. (Oregon City, Oregon) 1989-2019 | View Entire Issue (May 16, 2007)
Commentary TheClackamas Print Wednesday, May 16, 2007 3 M < Men: It takes all types | 11 h ■ I Any young, attractive, single college female knows that being hit on frequently doesn’t mean that you ate left with a lot of options when it comes to choice of mates. Two-thirds of the time, the guys dishing out compliments and one-liners turn out to be somewhat... less than desir able. The other one-third of the time, the guy is tolerable, but not pragmatic for one reason or another. The good news is that you don’t have to let these dusty gems go to waste. That’s right, ladies, there is a use for those less-than-perfect fellows in your life! You just have to figure out what category into which they fit. Luckily for you, Dr. Kim has put together this fool-proof scientific formula to help you figure out what to do with those awkward, not-quite-right men in your life. i I I I J 9 Attractive, Dumb-as-a-Box-of- Rocks Guy This is by far the most common breed of guy to hit oh Dr. Kim. At first glance, he appears to have the most potential. He’s tall, muscular, and he smells so good that it makes you want to do obscene things in public. But don’t be fooled. This guy will bore the living hell out of you. That glimmer in his eye that caught your attention from across the room in Public Speaking class will glaze over with confusion the minute you Start wanting to have a conversation about something with more depth than Family Guy. Logically, you’d then decide that he would make a good make-out buddy on the weekends. But OH no! No. Guys like this are horrible kissers. The lack of mental capacity is never replaced with emotional intelligence. It’s a big, old waste of time. But don’t send him packing just yet. If you meet a guy like this, keep him around. When finals are around the comer and you’re stressed, you can use him as a healthy distraction and personal back-massaging assistant. Put those big muscles to use, for goodness sake. But don’t kiss him. Just admire his glorious physique and forget all about that Anaiomy homework piling up on your desk. 4 Nerdy, Awkward • Guy • This particular dude probably won’t hit on you. More likely, he’ll have one of his fnends who you know tell you that he’s sweet on you. How “sweet.” This guy isn’t right for you because he spends too much time playing video games and talking about Star Wars. He’s skinny, and pale and immature. Most importantly, though, he gets good grades. While you may not find his bad skin and worse breath appeal ing, he can help you pass that science midterm you didn’t study for because you were getting back massages from Guy #1. This is the guy who puts a little too much effort into getting to know you. He calls too much. He leaves notes. And letters. And messages. Everywhere you turn - there he is, waiting in anticipation like a dog. trying to be good for a piece of scrap meat from the dinner table. It’s pathetic. No independent, educated lady with a soul wants a guy who begs to be walked all over. DON’T get involved with him. It will only end in tears on your doorstep and a big, old scene on your front lawn at three in the morning. It will be tricky for you to keep this one around without inadvertently caus ing him to fall in love with you, but if you uphold strict boundaries, you could put this man to work. Really Nice Guy With Emotional Issues makes a really' good handy man. Anytime your garbage disposal breaks, or you need someone to help you move, he will do it with a smile. Personally, I have about six or seven of these guys laying around the house. They are my tools. Rich, Older Guy Who Wants to Control You This guy wants to wine and dine you, but don’t let him do it! The next thing you know, you’ll be barefoot and pregnant, playing trophy wife to a dude with a muffin top hanging over his pants, almost busting out of a shirt two sizes too small that he just can’t seem to keep from tucking in. Don’t let him take you out to din ner, don’t let him buy you drinks, and most importantly, do not let this man buy you a cell phone! It’s not a real cell phone. It’s a leash in disguise. Don’t kiss him, don’t lead him on, and forChrist’s sake, don’t sleep with him (‘cause you know he’ll poke holes in the condom). If, for some miraculous reason, a guy like this makes interesting con versation and doesn’t smother you with his needy, controlling plan, you can call him to get rid of weirdo #2 when he keeps you up crying at three in the morning. He has enough money. He could easily put a hit out on the guy if need be. Really Smart, Nice Guy Who’s Not So Attractive We call these guys our friends. Illustrations by Katie Wilson Clackamas Print C o -E ditors - in -C hief : Sam Krause, Clackamas Print Katie Wilson 19600 S.-Molalla Ave. Oregon City, OR 97045 (503) 657-6958 ex. 2309 C opy E ditor : Colleen Watkins N ews E ditor : Megan Koler C ommentary E ditor : Matt Olson F eature E ditor : Laura Cameron S ports E ditor : Mike Guidice A&E E ditor : David Stark P hoto E ditor : Adam J. Manley 77ie Clackamas Print is a weekly student publication and is distributed every Wednesday except finals week. A d M anager : Elizabeth Hitz S taff W riters : Nicholas Baker, Lydia Bashaw, Kayla Berge, Benjamin Caldwell, Jesse Dees, Leia Dickerson, Frank Jordan, Heatherann Price, Dustin Ragsdale, Jess Sheppard, Andrea Simpson, Liz Travers, Sean Van Walchren, Emily Walters P roduction A ssistants : Joseph Garrilynn Harvey, Chris Young P hotographers : Juno Dean, Brandy-Marie Faulhaber, Jennesa Palmer D epartment A dviser : Linda Vogt D epartment S ecretary : Pat Thompson G oals : The Clackamas Print aims to report tire news in an honest, unbiased, professional manner. The opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of the stu dent body college administration, its faculty or The Print. E-mail comments to chiefed@dackamas. edu.
