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About The Clackamas print. (Oregon City, Oregon) 1989-2019 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 8, 2006)
Clackamas Print Commentary 3 Wednesday, Nov. 8, 2006 he death of Habeas Corpus liura Cameron hi Clackamas Print Osama bin Laden must be uahing his ass off. ¡George W. Bush (or “Shrubs- ttrains,” as I like to call n), in his efforts to save us xn those who “hate us for our ■edoms,” signed a bill that guts [Bill of Rights and goes com- ttely against the Constitution for that matter, it goes against eMagna Carta as well. This bill hasn’t gotten much ess, probably because the irk Foley scandal exploded her messily the day after it used Congress. So, for those io missed it, here’s what hap- ned: Congress, at the urging of rubs-for-brains, passed the ilitary Commissions Act, a I that sets up military hear ts for suspected terrorists, d that doesn’t sound too bad, esit? Unfortunately, the bill also minates habeas corpus. And it’s the part that constitutes a e of the Constitution. For those who don’t speak in, “habeas corpus” means ■esent the body.” In legal ns, it means that a suspect the right to appear in court demand to know why he or has been arrested. It’s what ps people from being thrown »rison for no reason. It’s sort mportant. Io be honest, the Constitution sn’t say very much about fas corpus - but. what is does say speaks volumes. “The cent American citizens. became convinced was involved privilege of the writ of habeas Think about it! Remember in the Madrid train bomb corpus shall not be suspended Brandon Mayfield? He was the ings. When the next Brandon unless when in cases of rebel Portland man who the Pentagon Mayfield comes around, he lion or invasion the public safety may require it.” Is America being invaded? Ratified December /y, Is America in the middle of a rebel lion? No and no! But I guess that doesn’t really article vi matter, because the bill doesn’t “suspend” habeas article n . corpus anyway. a well regulated Militia, being necessary to^| It eliminates it. of a free State, the right of the people to keei Arms, shall not be infringed. That’s totally different. That’s trea son. Yes, I said it. Treason. Congress and Shrubs-for- XLhe righjM0H^eople brains have gone houses, nggagMfaeffects.agaMdffirBBnabj andseiaH^sW9btbe vi°la8s»i J ■KkV^J and done an end issue, btlFupon probable cau388ppp< run around the affirmation, and particularly describing the ¡9 Constitution. searched, and the persons or things to be seize« No attempts at an amendment, Ithe enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, which would person shall not be construed to deny or disparage others re- have made all otherwise infarnBg^ Sa^ss on a pres HMfy, except in case indictment of this legal. They the land or Mndn the Militia, wh just decided to BSRpblic danger; nc service ignore the docu person bc^HBIct fot |Lhe p, ^^Hhe offence to n^nor shall be come in jeopardy of life or! ionstit! ment that is the Criminal Case to be witness against hind basis of our entire country. And the best part? There’s nothing to stop National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee them from using New York, NY 10010 this against inno- JBtll of Kígtjtó Photo Illustration by Jeff Sorensen and Laura Cameron Clackamas Print There’s a new plague at ackamas ■ Community illege. No, not higher ition; it’s something worse: Squirrels should not be gnored. They pose a bigger treat to American society han the Bush Administration, n the past few weeks, there lave been a number of reports rom students who have fallen rictim to the recent squirrel “I was just walking along te path by the Art Center, 'hen a squirrel suddenly dive- ombed me,” said squirrel ttack* victim, and Clackamas ludent, Brad Wiliker. “It itched onto my face and bit iy ear!” Clackamas Print 19600 S. Molalla Ave. Oregon City, OR 97045 (503) 657-6958 ex. 2309 Hie Clackamas Print is a weekly student publication and is distributed every Wednesday except finals week. Wiliker is just one of the many students who have been attacked by these rabid, psy chotic squirrels. Nursing student Victoria Chortov explains her encoun ter: “Well, the other day, I was smoking outside of DeJardin, just talking to a couple of friends, when out of nowhere a squirrel with huge fangs jumped on my leg and bit my thigh,” Chortov said. So, what has caused these squirrels to act in such a vicious manner? After doing some digging, I found out about a chemical spill that occurred in mid-October behind the Pauling Center. According to a Chemistry instructor, who wishes1 to remain anonymous, a large amount of dihydrogen monox ide was spilled by a chemistry student, who was transporting it to the chemistry lab.. I knew this couldn’t be the case. Dihydrogen monoxide is water, and it is very unlike ly that squirrels would start behaving badly after drinking some. So, I decided to con tinue my investigation. I received a tip from a night janitor that strange nois es have been coming from the old Smucker’s. plant by C o -E dhors - in -C hief : Sam Krause, Katie Wilson C opy E phor : Colleen Watkins N ews E phor : Megan Koler C ommentary E phor : Tayo Stalnaker F eature E phor : Laura Cameron S ports E phor : Mike Guidice A&E E phor : Matt Olson P hoto E ditor ; Adam J. Manley the Environmental ■ Learning Center. My curiosity got the best of me, so I decided to sneak in last Friday after class. Upon walking into the Smucker’s plant, I was imme diately hit with the stench of rotten bananas and canta loupe. Covering my mouth, I ventured deeper into the plant, where I found a bunch of bro ken jam jars and jam all over the floor. Obviously, this was the source of the aroma. I looked around the room some more, and 1 ran across a squirrel eating some of the jam, and reading a tattered Ayn Rand novel. It looked at me and ran out of the building. I quickly followed it out to the now-empty ponds behind the facility, where I witnessed something horrifying. The squirrel started acting strange, jumping around and squeaking loudly. It began to foam at the mouth and grew large fangs. Then, it started running at a bird perched on a nearby rock and attacked it. The bird was dead within seconds. Fellow students, please lis ten to me. I am asking for your help in solving this mystery. It seems that either Smucker’s was creating some weird, new A d M anager : Elizabeth Hitz , or she will have, in effect, no rights at all and will become an un-person. In the name of saving us from those who “hate us for our freedoms,” Shrubs-for-brains and his friends have destroyed those same freedoms. Well done, Mister President. You have done precisely what you say the ter rorists want to do. Where is the outrage over this? Where are the protests? Where are the lawsuits? Why are we letting them get away with this? Don’t give me that crap about “national security.” National security does not trump the Constitution. This is supposed to be the land of the free and the home of the brave! Have the Republicans succeeded in intim idating us into being the land of the chained and the home of the terrified? Have we forgotten the men who fought and died to cre ate a free nation? This is completely uncon scionable. I am ashamed to live in a country where we allow our leaders strip us of our rights. Don’t try to hide treason behind “national security.” I would rather die than loose, my rights. And I am not alone in this. There was a guy named Patrick Henry who put the same feeling into words: “Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slav ery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!” Genyva Laubach Clackamas Print A crazed, objectivist squirrel hopped up on Smucker’s protects his copy of Ayn Rand’s “The Fountainhead” in front of Rook Hall. jam, or it was somehow taint ed by a. domestic terrorist of sorts. Perhaps a stoned, self ish libertarian. Something must be done P hotographers : Juno Dean, Jeff Sorensen, Sean Van Walchen S taff W riters : Justin Goe, Frank Jordan, Andrea Sunpson, Jeff D epartment A dviser : Linda Vogt Sorensen, David Stark, Liz Travers, Alexandria Vallelunga, Nicholas Delzell P ropuchon A ssistants : Rachel Gillette, Genyva Laubach, David Stark about these squirrels, and Ayn Rand, or else the entire state of Oregon might become infested and everyone will, inevitably, go nuts. G oals : The Clackamas Print aims to report the news in an honest, unbiased, professional manner. The opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of the stu dent body college administration, its faculty or The Print. E-mail comments to chiefed@clackamas. edu.
