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About The Clackamas print. (Oregon City, Oregon) 1989-2019 | View Entire Issue (April 20, 2005)
rts ^^Entertainment L A. G KAM A. April 20, 2005 jraphics do not a game make aiah Creel rNerd 'ith crappy graphics, a child- nterface and leveling system, The Kingdom of Loathing An Adventurer is You! jlous items and an almost xistent storyline, Kingdom oathing is probably the best jively Multiplayer Online -Playing Game ever created, he internet is an elaborate cape of devilry, jargon, jen nickels, eroticism, mort- plans and goblins. Some Screen Capture have grown to thrive in this revolt ing cesspit by sifting through the rubbish to find the rare and elu sive agate of brilliance. that Whether ■ mm ! pretty stone mani Combat! fests itself as flash animation, online You're fighting a Spectral Jellyfish. comic or one of those blogs all the kids are raving about, it pis is the enslaved spirit of a jellyfish that didn't quite make it to can be difficult for kfish Heaven (where jellyfish go. to get away from Mormons and pk Eskimos.) the average pseudo- techno-eclecto-con . Ydugetthejurhponit. • to discover anything You hit for 82 damage. WHAM! BIFF! BIFFS worthwhile on the You win the fightl internet without Blood Face smiles approvingly. spending hours rot You gain. 1.4 Beefiness: ting in front of the You gain 3 Magicalhess. golden idol-in-a- You gain 4 Sarcasm. box. Adventure again (Cobb's Knob Menagerie, Level 3) Repulsively Go back to Cobb's Knob Laboratory enough, the once- unblemished world Screen Capture of video gaming has recently taken a swan dive into the putrid waters of the internet with the development of the abominable MMORPG. Not only has the MMORPG created a whole culture of pasty- complexioned cave-dwellers, but the never-ending quest for the most realistic graphics has left that subtle element “storyline” completely out of the equation. Miraculously enough, if you throw out pretty much every ele ment that has supposedly mat tered in the gaming community, you come out with one of the most addictive and down right pleasurable “video games” of all time. Kingdom of Loathing (www. kingdomofloathing.com) is amaz ing. Where there have been many text-based games in the past, this B* flicks equal ‘A’ good time click-based adventure is a thing of beauty. Players are allotted a number of adventure points per day with which they can gallivant across the countryside, kicking ass and earning meat (used as currency in the Kingdom of Loathing). The game is self- explanatory; create a char acter, fight some monsters, collect some items and do some quests. If a player should have any questions about the game though, all they need to do is pass a brief “literacy test” in order to have access to the many forums anj help areas of the Kingdom. Items and booze play an integral part in the jour ney of your Pastamancer, RotGut (#433724) Level 11 Reindeer Threatener Screen Capture Muscles and Funnybones Wednesday, April 20 4 p.m. - 5:30 p.m. Ciaramella April 20 - May 27 Tuesday-Friday Noon to 4 p.m. k Clackamas Print strap on your boots, put on r black fatigues, and hop on Ir rocket-firing motorcycle, ause you’re about to kick e terrorist booty with “The ta Force!” Chuck Norris, the king of ese himself, stars in this clas- example of bad ’80s action rs. A grizzled Lee Marvin he Dirty Dozen”) also fills out cast, as well as Robert Vaughn he Man from U.N.C.L.E.”), Mystery Science Theater K) fans will be glad to see rtin Balsam, who played in the Icious “Mitchell.” “The Delta Force” starts out "Sabrina 2” by David Hahn Pen and ink on paper, 2000 r I I I Wed., April 20 I Jen and her X’s I 8:30 p.m. White Eagle Saloon I Free (21+) I Thurs., April 21 I Twelve Thirty, Lying I Awake, Klementyne, I guests 8 p.m. I Paris Theater I $8 (All ages) I Velvet Revolver, I Hoobastank I 7 p.m. Coliseum I Memorial $37.50 (All ages) I Fri., April 22 I Sound Tribe Sector 9 I 9 p.m. I Roseland Theatre I $17 (All ages) L 1 I I I Puffy AmiYumi I 7 p.m. The Crystal Ballroom I $20 advance/$22 day of I show (All ages) I Sat., April 23 I Living Legends, Jedi I Mind Tricks, Pigeon John I 9 p.m. I The Roseland Theatre I $15 (All ages) I The Black Halos, The I Bones, Civit 9 p.m. I Tonic Lounge I $8 (21+) I The Waiters I 9 p.m. I Crystal Ballroom $20 advance/$25 day of I show (All ages) I J Concert Calendar : every movie should - with ■Take, for instance, one scene ■ere the lead terrorist, con RotGut The CCCArt Department Presents,.. iuck Norris, king cheese, holds his '■one while managing kick terrorist booty ig explosion. No, really. The p' first image of the film is a It explosion. Unfortunately, pgs can only go downhill from —Itart like that. The good news ost of this movie is uninten- illy funny, due to the Chuck is factor and the horrible liesized soundtrack. he plot of “The Delta Force” Ives around a plane of means hijacked by Arab ter- ts. The plane is diverted to diddle East, and after nego- ins break down, it’s up to ol’ :k and his elite group of com- dos to take care of business i Delta Force way. his film was part of a string luper-patriotic movies that ¡released in the ’80s, such as 1 Dawn” and “Rocky IV,” so >n the lookout for close-ups American flags, stereotyped igners, and macho American ide. If this vacuous movie d be said to have a message, luldbe, “Don’t mess with the Seal Clubber or Accordion Thief’s quest for glory, but they are so easily attainable that the old notion of “farming” or using “mules” is thrown completely out the window. It is currently free to sign up for the ever-changing and grow ing beta of die KOL, so why the hell not give it a try? In no time flat, you will be decked out in a F3d0r4 and Penguin Shorts while carrying a Star Sword, and have a Blood-Faced Volleyball as a familiar. Photo courtesy of MGM founded by the Delta Force’s supreme battle prowess, pleads with Chuck Norris over die radio for quarter: “Is that you American!? We want to negotiate! Negotiate! Do you hear me?” Chuck blows up the radio with his machine gun and says in a manly, lumbeijack type of voice: “Loud and clear.” What makes this movie a gem is that it grows in levels of ridicu lousness as it progresses. At first, it is simply bad, but then it moves to silly bad. And then, without warning, it shoots into the stratosphere of silly; Chuck Norris hops onto a rocket-firing motorcycle and starts blowing bad guys to high heaven. Prepare for many close-ups of Chuck giv ing the bad guys the squinty, “bad as I wanna be” stare. By the time you get to the last scene where file rescued pas sengers are flying home, hoisting Budweisers above their head and singing “America the Beautiful,” you know you’re in the pres ence of truly awful cinema - bad acting, bad plot, and bad taste. I highly recommend picking up this classic “B” movie if you can’t find any reruns of “Walker, Texas Ranger” on the tube.
