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About The Clackamas print. (Oregon City, Oregon) 1989-2019 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 11, 2004)
C ommentary F ebruary 11, 2004 T he C lackamas P rint • 5 Valentine's Day: of lovers and losers Stop whining and get with the lovin' already ||æ| Isaiah Creel ÄTT he C lackamas P rint “It’s just another holi day that’s supposed to be romantic, but it doesn’t work that way.” Deana Butler ‘it’s good for couples, bad for singles.” Aaron Smith “I feel it’s a good commer cial holiday.” Josh Beam While fables and conspiracy theories always hold some degree of truth, Valentine’s Day is a great day. Some among the citizenry might muse over Starbuck’s Coffee how Valentine’s Day is a holiday thought up by the chocolate com panies, and that these chocolate companies hold secret allegiances with the weight-loss industry. Their goal is to sell men choco late to give to their significant oth ers, while simultaneously making the women think that they are fat so they’ll eat more pills and less food. Retirement centers have Valentine’s dances for the old fogies; kids get to eat lots of candy; teenage boys get sweaty palms from working up the nerve to ask teenage girls on dates while teenage girls are sending innuen dos to try to get the teenage boys to ask them on dates; lovers share candlelit dinners by the fireside, and spouses enjoy romantic Italian restaurants whilst their offspring are attended by grandparents. Sadly, there are those who just don’t have anyone to spend their Valentine’s Day with (or any other day for that matter). That lonely embrace of Hershey’s Kisses can’t compare to the loving arms of another human. There will be no Fabio leaping half-naked through the window, no slap and tickle with Heather Locklear. No, some people don’t have anyone but their cats to spend ■ Valentine’s Day with, and to those people I offer some simple advice. For instance, there are more ugly people in this world than beautiful people. Stop looking for that “special” someone and just grab someone. Hump Eke rabbits, and leave before your partner gets a chance to tell you anything personal. Just get it over with and stop com plaining about your own inabiEty to function within a relationship. That’s right; it’s a cold hard world and for some it can be downright frigid, but it’s time to stop being bothered by a lack of communication skills, inability to compromise or just plain low self- steem. Go to a bar, get drunk, grab an accessible human and go back to his/her place (but be sure to call a cab if intoxication is overwhelm ing). For goodness sake, though, STOP COMPLAINING! Okay, maybe some kinky one- night stand is not desirable on a regular basis, but Valentine’s Day comes only once a year. The day after, you can take a couple of showers and start planning on finding a more steady relationship. The point is, life is too short to complain about other people enjoying themselves. If something is missing (like a boyfriend/girl- friend) take care of it. Get your act together. Stop watching reruns of Star Trek. Stop eating choco late. Stop feeling sorry for your self and start taking back your Efe. Just get it on already! Serving up nihilism in a heart-shaped box Faye Dodds T he C lackamas P rint I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—Valentine’s Day is a crock. On several occasions, it has occurred to me that Cupid and some remote goddess of beauty have been teaming up and work ing together to leave a few folks sitting high and pretty, their Eves full of beauty and love. Unfortunately, I seemed-to have been tag-teamed by their rivals. I’ve never been “in love” or ever had someone claim to be “in love” with me, unless Kobe was lying. As far as beauty goes ... let’s just say that the story about tying a T-bone around a baby’s neck to get attention from the dog; well, it was true for me. The only true love in my Efe exists after a “sugar-coated” bowl of chicken and grits with my nine cats. Trust me ... we love it. So what does Feb. 14 mean to me? Well, this year, it’s a lovely yet extremely average Saturday. If you want to celebrate being in love with someone, get drunk and married in Las Vegas for a few hours. Take a picture, or for heav en’s sake, pop out a kid. But for the sake of me and my nine felines, don’t designate one day to spending dinero on some press- on-nail-wearing chick who has a secret plan to promote V-day for all the free chocolate she’s going to be getting (and, God knows, doesn’t need). Yeah, I’ve made a few mistakes myself. But honestly, even if I was in love with anything other than stray cat fur embedded with dry chunks of who-knows-what, I would still wilEngly argue that Valentine’s Day is extremely overrated. “Buy this, buy that, sweeten (meaning fatten) her up,” they say. Don’t forget the flowers, the candy, A card, a romantic dinner for two by moonEght ... in Paris ... and the perfect “Goodnight, Valentine, I love your nothing- but-chocolate diet” kiss. Who knows how many straight hours of “coyote ugly” snuggling you’U have to endure? If you don’t have a date, you might as weU start on your cat col lection. May I recommend tab bies and caEcos? As for those who feel my argu ment Ees on faulty experience, or absence thereof, I say—bust out your Mastercard and show her the true meaning of Valentine’s Day. In the end, it all adds up. Cards, candy, flowers, Mustang rental, gas, carriage ride with six white horses, fairy godmother (wait, scratch that last one)— $200. Romantic dinner for two, can dles, waiter with a French accent, returnable leather jacket and rare purchase of any cologne—$350. Another night of hilarious M*A*S*H and Boy Meets World reruns,- a Efetime of companion ship with nine loving, purring, flea-infested stray cats and admit tedly knowing that you’re never going . to be in love—priceless (and downright pathetic, I know). Chiefs* An insight on reality of nothing Comer: Hilliary Ferguson Cory Price “I feel that V- Day is a good day to express how you feel about some one—and for corporations to cut a good gross.” Go Editor-in-Ghief Jeremy Toren T he C lackamas P rint 19600 S MolaUa Ave. Oregon City, OR 97045 (503) 657-6958 The Clackamas Print is a weekly student publication and is distributed every Wednesday except during finals week. Each of my columns has con tained something of interest to daily Efe. This time I choose to explore deep into my psyche and explain about nothingness. In the beginning of time, there was nothing but a dark and empty space. From nothing, God created the heavens and the earth. From nothing came something. Writers get “writer’s block” for a moment when they lose their train of thought and are left firm- bling for an idea. Suddenly, an inspiration hits them like an anvil falling from the sky. The light bulb turns on and they begin to write. In one moment they had nothing and then something was created. An artist uses his paintbrush to create a dance on the canvas, shed ding light on his mind’s creation. The canvas began in his mind and now his hand brings that image to Efe, by being the Eaison between the mind and the canvas. What was this creative scheme before it was an idea? It was nothing, then it was a dream and then it was brought to Efe. The circle of Efe is reEant on birth. Whether the parents are vet erans or rookies when it comes to raising a child, they all fall into the same predicament. Some plan extensively, some plan not at all, Co Editors-in-Chief: Advertising Manager: Cyndee Mady and Cory Price Copy Editor: Katie Funk News Editor: Karlin Johnson Opinion Editor: Ben Maras Feature Editor: Karen Hill A&E Editor: Isaiah Creel Sports Editor: Nie Delzell Mark Falling, ext. 2578 Photo Editor: Jesse Lamond Staff Writers: Shannon Armstead, Sara Atkeson, Amy Cashman, Faye Dodds, Frank Jordan, Jessica LeClaire, Bethany Monroe, Jeff Sorensen, Jadon Triplett putting no thought into the conse quences of a child. Either way, a child is created in the mother’s womb; a seed was planted deep inside her. From nothing, a child is born. When the pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock, our nation was born. Our forefathers strived to create a place of equal opportuni ty—a chance for all that came to be successful. The first setders took that chance at a new Efe to be free from monarchy of England. The pilgrims took a gamble, bet ting it all and had nothing to loose. People say that one can’t have nothing, for there is always some thing. ‘Wrong,” I say, ‘Wrong!” For when people say they are thinking about nothing, then they are thinking about something. But that thought came from nothing. Photographers: Truman Anderson, Angela Gerhart Adviser: Linda Vogt Department assistant: Lauren Vuylsteke I refer to the Matrix to prove my point. In the first movie, Neo enters the apartment of the oracle and meets a child. This kid has a spoon and tells Neo the spoon isn’t there if one doesn’t see it. This world is full of nothing ness. The only thing in this world are triUions of atoms smashing together to create what we Call something. Beyond that there is nothing. This opinion piece began with nothing. In the beginning there was nothing. Babies are created from nothing. An artist begins with nothing on his canvas. ■ We are nothing! Like dust in the wind blown here and there. We are told what to think and what we are supposed to do. Robots are what we have become, robots of nothingness. Goals: The Clackamas Print aims to report the news in an honest, unbiased, professional manner. The opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of the student body, college administration, its faculty or The Print. E-mail continents to chiefed@clackamas.edu. The Clackamas Print © 2004
