C ommentary
F ebruary 11, 2004
T he C lackamas P rint • 5
Valentine's Day: of lovers and losers
Stop whining and get
with the lovin' already
||æ|
Isaiah Creel
ÄTT he C lackamas P rint
“It’s just
another holi
day that’s
supposed to
be romantic,
but it doesn’t
work that
way.”
Deana
Butler
‘it’s good for
couples, bad
for singles.”
Aaron
Smith
“I feel it’s a
good commer
cial holiday.”
Josh
Beam
While fables and conspiracy
theories always hold some degree
of truth, Valentine’s Day is a great
day.
Some among the citizenry
might muse over Starbuck’s Coffee
how Valentine’s Day is a holiday
thought up by the chocolate com
panies, and that these chocolate
companies hold secret allegiances
with the weight-loss industry.
Their goal is to sell men choco
late to give to their significant oth
ers, while simultaneously making
the women think that they are fat
so they’ll eat more pills and less
food.
Retirement
centers
have
Valentine’s dances for the old
fogies; kids get to eat lots of
candy; teenage boys get sweaty
palms from working up the nerve
to ask teenage girls on dates while
teenage girls are sending innuen
dos to try to get the teenage boys
to ask them on dates; lovers share
candlelit dinners by the fireside,
and spouses enjoy romantic Italian
restaurants whilst their offspring
are attended by grandparents.
Sadly, there are those who just
don’t have anyone to spend their
Valentine’s Day with (or any other
day for that matter). That lonely
embrace of Hershey’s Kisses can’t
compare to the loving arms of
another human.
There will be no Fabio leaping
half-naked through the window,
no slap and tickle with Heather
Locklear.
No, some people don’t have
anyone but their cats to spend
■ Valentine’s Day with, and to those
people I offer some simple advice.
For instance, there are more
ugly people in this world than
beautiful people.
Stop looking for that “special”
someone and just grab someone.
Hump Eke rabbits, and leave
before your partner gets a chance
to tell you anything personal. Just
get it over with and stop com
plaining about your own inabiEty
to function within a relationship.
That’s right; it’s a cold hard
world and for some it can be
downright frigid, but it’s time to
stop being bothered by a lack of
communication skills, inability to
compromise or just plain low self-
steem. Go to a bar, get drunk, grab
an accessible human and go back
to his/her place (but be sure to call
a cab if intoxication is overwhelm
ing). For goodness sake, though,
STOP COMPLAINING!
Okay, maybe some kinky one-
night stand is not desirable on a
regular basis, but Valentine’s Day
comes only once a year. The day
after, you can take a couple of
showers and start planning on
finding a more steady relationship.
The point is, life is too short to
complain about other people
enjoying themselves. If something
is missing (like a boyfriend/girl-
friend) take care of it. Get your
act together. Stop watching reruns
of Star Trek. Stop eating choco
late. Stop feeling sorry for your
self and start taking back your Efe.
Just get it on already!
Serving up nihilism in
a heart-shaped box
Faye Dodds
T he C lackamas P rint
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it
again—Valentine’s Day is a crock.
On several occasions, it has
occurred to me that Cupid and
some remote goddess of beauty
have been teaming up and work
ing together to leave a few folks
sitting high and pretty, their Eves
full of beauty and love.
Unfortunately, I seemed-to have
been tag-teamed by their rivals.
I’ve never been “in love” or
ever had someone claim to be “in
love” with me, unless Kobe was
lying. As far as beauty goes ...
let’s just say that the story about
tying a T-bone around a baby’s
neck to get attention from the
dog; well, it was true for me.
The only true love in my Efe
exists after a “sugar-coated” bowl
of chicken and grits with my nine
cats. Trust me ... we love it.
So what does Feb. 14 mean to
me? Well, this year, it’s a lovely yet
extremely average Saturday.
If you want to celebrate being
in love with someone, get drunk
and married in Las Vegas for a few
hours. Take a picture, or for heav
en’s sake, pop out a kid. But for
the sake of me and my nine
felines, don’t designate one day to
spending dinero on some press-
on-nail-wearing chick who has a
secret plan to promote V-day for
all the free chocolate she’s going
to be getting (and, God knows,
doesn’t need).
Yeah, I’ve made a few mistakes
myself.
But honestly, even if I was in
love with anything other than stray
cat fur embedded with dry chunks
of who-knows-what, I would still
wilEngly argue that Valentine’s
Day is extremely overrated.
“Buy this, buy that, sweeten
(meaning fatten) her up,” they say.
Don’t forget the flowers, the
candy, A card, a romantic dinner
for two by moonEght ... in Paris
... and the perfect “Goodnight,
Valentine, I love your nothing-
but-chocolate diet” kiss. Who
knows how many straight hours
of “coyote ugly” snuggling you’U
have to endure?
If you don’t have a date, you
might as weU start on your cat col
lection. May I recommend tab
bies and caEcos?
As for those who feel my argu
ment Ees on faulty experience, or
absence thereof, I say—bust out
your Mastercard and show her the
true meaning of Valentine’s Day.
In the end, it all adds up.
Cards, candy, flowers, Mustang
rental, gas, carriage ride with six
white horses, fairy godmother
(wait, scratch that last one)—
$200.
Romantic dinner for two, can
dles, waiter with a French accent,
returnable leather jacket and rare
purchase of any cologne—$350.
Another night of hilarious
M*A*S*H and Boy Meets World
reruns,- a Efetime of companion
ship with nine loving, purring,
flea-infested stray cats and admit
tedly knowing that you’re never
going . to be in love—priceless
(and downright pathetic, I know).
Chiefs* An insight on reality of nothing
Comer:
Hilliary
Ferguson
Cory Price
“I feel that V-
Day is a good
day to express
how you feel
about some
one—and for
corporations
to cut a good
gross.”
Go Editor-in-Ghief
Jeremy
Toren
T he
C lackamas P rint
19600 S MolaUa Ave.
Oregon City, OR 97045
(503) 657-6958
The Clackamas Print is a weekly student
publication and is distributed every
Wednesday except during finals week.
Each of my columns has con
tained something of interest to
daily Efe. This time I choose to
explore deep into my psyche and
explain about nothingness.
In the beginning of time, there
was nothing but a dark and empty
space. From nothing, God created
the heavens and the earth. From
nothing came something.
Writers get “writer’s block” for
a moment when they lose their
train of thought and are left firm-
bling for an idea. Suddenly, an
inspiration hits them like an anvil
falling from the sky. The light bulb
turns on and they begin to write.
In one moment they had nothing
and then something was created.
An artist uses his paintbrush to
create a dance on the canvas, shed
ding light on his mind’s creation.
The canvas began in his mind and
now his hand brings that image to
Efe, by being the Eaison between
the mind and the canvas. What
was this creative scheme before it
was an idea? It was nothing, then
it was a dream and then it was
brought to Efe.
The circle of Efe is reEant on
birth. Whether the parents are vet
erans or rookies when it comes to
raising a child, they all fall into the
same predicament. Some plan
extensively, some plan not at all,
Co Editors-in-Chief:
Advertising Manager:
Cyndee Mady and Cory Price
Copy Editor: Katie Funk
News Editor: Karlin Johnson
Opinion Editor: Ben Maras
Feature Editor: Karen Hill
A&E Editor: Isaiah Creel
Sports Editor: Nie Delzell
Mark Falling, ext. 2578
Photo Editor: Jesse Lamond
Staff Writers: Shannon
Armstead, Sara Atkeson, Amy
Cashman, Faye Dodds, Frank Jordan,
Jessica LeClaire, Bethany Monroe,
Jeff Sorensen, Jadon Triplett
putting no thought into the conse
quences of a child. Either way, a
child is created in the mother’s
womb; a seed was planted deep
inside her. From nothing, a child
is born.
When the pilgrims landed at
Plymouth Rock, our nation was
born. Our forefathers strived to
create a place of equal opportuni
ty—a chance for all that came to
be successful. The first setders
took that chance at a new Efe to be
free from monarchy of England.
The pilgrims took a gamble, bet
ting it all and had nothing to loose.
People say that one can’t have
nothing, for there is always some
thing. ‘Wrong,” I say, ‘Wrong!”
For when people say they are
thinking about nothing, then they
are thinking about something. But
that thought came from nothing.
Photographers: Truman
Anderson, Angela Gerhart
Adviser: Linda Vogt
Department assistant:
Lauren Vuylsteke
I refer to the Matrix to prove
my point. In the first movie, Neo
enters the apartment of the oracle
and meets a child. This kid has a
spoon and tells Neo the spoon
isn’t there if one doesn’t see it.
This world is full of nothing
ness. The only thing in this world
are triUions of atoms smashing
together to create what we Call
something. Beyond that there is
nothing.
This opinion piece
began with nothing.
In the beginning there was
nothing. Babies are created from
nothing. An artist begins with
nothing on his canvas. ■ We are
nothing! Like dust in the wind
blown here and there. We are
told what to think and what we
are supposed to do. Robots are
what we have become, robots of
nothingness.
Goals: The Clackamas Print aims to
report the news in an honest, unbiased,
professional manner. The opinions
expressed do not necessarily reflect those
of the student body, college administration,
its faculty or The Print. E-mail continents
to chiefed@clackamas.edu.
The Clackamas Print © 2004