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About The Clackamas print. (Oregon City, Oregon) 1989-2019 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 30, 2002)
nlhe 7 A&I I____________ _ CI ac I camas P rint WedNEsdAy, J anuary 50, 2002 Kung Pow: Enter the Fist’ bad cow, udder ow! ISAIAH CREEL flicks that have some how found their way into my psyche. The cre ators of the film have basically taken out the main character from an ac “Kung Pow: Enter the Fist,” tual kung fu film and added then- ox’s next big flop, hit theaters Jan. own “Chosen One.” They have 5. Its 105 minutes combine high also taken the liberty to dub (hilari oses of silliness with the classic ously poorly) their own dialogue aper-thin plot that has grown to over the voices of the original ac be efine the kung fu genre. tors. )1- In a recent deluge of spoofs and We find our hero at the begin jin-offs, comedy has hit a brick ning of his life in a simple cottage , all of unoriginality. After the days somewhere in what we can assume f Mel Brooks, the Wayans broth- is China. The evil Master Pain, aka rs have recently dominated the ey Betty, catches wind of his birth and poof scene with a string of “Scary ne goes to investigate. After the dis :r- dovies” whose repetitive jokes posal of his family at the hands of ave spawned a legion of taste- ssly crude humor fanatics. Even Betty, the Chosen One takes to the wild, where he is raised by various oofs are being spoofed, e.g. “Not nother Teen Movie.” jungle rodents. Upon his maturity, the Chosen JO One sets out to fulfill his destiny "Kung Pow" however is a spoof n. by destroying the evil Master in If a different caliber. The concept Betty. He is, however, assailed at ft apparently a take on a ‘ 70s film to every step, and I do mean every ■ailed “ Savage Killers, ” which to at step, by minions of Betty. isl py dismay was unavailable at all Tiring of his life on the road, he ini' novie rental joints. (If you know J'here to find it, contact The Print seeks refuge in an abbey devoted or to odd behaviors loosely associ lor a handsome reward. Mwa ha ated with martial arts. The abbot, a Ba!) Without having seen it chronically ill man, allows him to ■ Jiough, all I have to go on is the .’Bast amount of cheesy kung fu Contributing Writer I 5 t enter the abbey, where the Chosen One is to continue his training in or der to confront the evil Master. Insert romantic subplot here. After discovering Betty’s weak point, the Chosen One confronts him in a final showdown. The end. “Kung Pow” is a silly silly silly silly film. Although usually I hold myself to a higher standard of film-viewing, I must admit that I quite literally could not stop the laughter from bubbling out of my mouth from the opening credits ‘til they hauled my maniacally laughing carcass out of the movie theater on a stretcher. I did get in for free though, a fact I’m still laughing about, but I would not recommend spending the $5 on this or any movie, excluding “The Lord of the Rings.” Libra (Sept 21 - Oct. 23): the source of annoyance. They don’t mean evil. Do not leave your iron plugged in while you are gone or the carpet might bum and turn all green. In that case, do not paint it with a brush. Your magic spot of the week: home sweet home. look closer. Not everything can be flushed down the toilet. Re member that for the future. Your magic spot of the week: the bed. as j- /s îe i- al æ !y I Lquarius . (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18): ri |ou are having a hard time sit- y ting still. Something is on your ;9 Blind. Let it out and tell your Bo-workers how you really - feel. Make sure that your I Beater is not turned up to 95 IBegrees or you will be very hot IBt night. Your magic spot of | the week: the hallway. Ilisces (Feb. 19 - March 20): IBou will get the great chance | to expand your horizon if you J let things unfold as they may. IBrust in your inner voice al- | though it might lead you to I strange places. Be careful not I to fall asleep on the couch or IBou will find your back hurt- ' ing very much. Your magic | spot of the week: the jacuzzi I Bries (March 21 - April 19): IBou are acting very childish I Biis week. If you must go gaga I Bver a situation, then at least I By to be polite. A strange en- I counter will bring you a lot of I Boney. Your plants need to be IBatered more often. Your IBagic spot of the week: the greenhouse. I I aurus (April 20 - May 20): I fou need to express your feel- Iings. If you don’t tell others ■hat’s bothering you, then Bey will continue bugging you. Practice you communica- t on skills. Your forks might disappear in a mysterious II tanner. Your magic spot of the Beek: the gas station. Gemini (May 21 - June 21): In order to be more productive and be a team player, you need to be more like a piece of tofu. You need to learn to absorb the colors, flavors, shapes and attitudes of those around you. Don’t put ice cream in the fridge. It belongs in the freezer. Your magic spot of the week: The health food section. Cancer (June 22 - July 22): You know you need to make an important decision. Ask your inner self what it is that you really want. There is a little monkey, inside you and there is a King Kong and they are more than willing to work together. Your magic spot of the week: the zoo. You can’t smile on the outside and frown on the inside at the same time. You need to make up your mind. A friend wants to spend more time with you. Your couch is getting old, and people don’t find it comfort able anymore. Your magic spot of the week: the organic food store. Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21): Scorpio (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21): Life just doesn’t get any easier but do not despair. You can do it. Ignore your roommates if they are Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22): Someone is trying to steal your ideas. Don’t let that happen. Your ideas belong to you unless you sell them for a lot of money. An ugly creature might crawl in your bed and scare you. Have insect spray with you all the time. Your magic spot of the week: the sauna. You are trying to rid yourself of an old habit. It will be worth it. Do not forget to call your mom once in a while. It is impossible to be at five different places at the same time. Very important: do not procrastinate. Your magic spot of the week: the closet. A New Dining Experience Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22): Miracles don’t happen around here. If you want something to get done, then you must take care of it. Don’t forget that no body is perfect. A friend will give you a nice gift. Don’t perm your hair too many times, it might fall out. Your magic spot of the week: the little corner in your living room. You are looking for answers. But maybe you just keep on search ing in the wrong spots. The an swers are there, you just need to Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19): Hrs: Mon.-Thurs.-7a.m.-6:30p.m.; Fri.- 7a.m.-2p.m; Sat.-8:30a.m.-10:30p.m. Wednesdav-Budget: Baked potato bar Special: Cuban pork chops, rice and veggie Grill: Bleu cheese and small soup Thursday- Budget: Spinach salad w/ a bacon vinaigrette dressing Special: Chicken satay w/coconut rice Grill: Chili burger w/cheese and fries - Friday- Budget: Spaghetti and side salad Special: Meatball sub w/ provolone cheese & bag of chips Grill: Monte Cristo sandwich * Special Caribbean confetti shrimpw/ rice $W0 3:308:00pm XZL11 FINE HOST CORPORATION
