Image provided by: Clackamas Community College; Oregon City, OR
About The Clackamas print. (Oregon City, Oregon) 1989-2019 | View Entire Issue (May 17, 1995)
The Clackamas Print Page 9 Wednesday, May 17,1995 FEATURES Photography victimizes subjects with strangeness by Linda Barr Batdorf Staff Writer at his nether end. Imagine the ex pressions exhibited in the photo People have always done graphs this gentleman took. He’d weird things when having their cough, sputter, hack, then turn picture taken and they probably around, shoot us a moon and say, always will. “Smile!” Photographs can be disturb Not only were our pictures ing if you think about them long upsetting to sit through, but they enough. Virtually anyone is able attempted to shoot a silhouette to take a moment out of your life, picture of Alan and fit my head freeze it on a piece of film and into his cranium in a kind of scary can then haunt you with it for the “Return of the Body Snatchers” rest of your natural days. kind of way. One incident at Fred Meyer We didn’t purchase many of stands out in my memory. I re these, but the photo offered many ally don’t know why I was hav years of amusement in the years ing portraits taken in Eve’s res to follow. taurant. This is still a mystery to A similar experience oc me, but I think I wasaccosted by curred every year in grade school a psychotic salesman and caved when it came time for school pic into his shpiel as a means of es tures to be taken. cape, I’m not sure. Our kindly photographer had The fact remains that my lost several fingers and insisted husband and I arrived on sched on holding up his digit-less hand ule afor our “shoot”and immedi for compassionate, mournful chil ately felt stupid, being the only dren to view as he said, “Look at adults in a long line of infants and my hand and smile!” preschoolers who were waiting to One day before one such por have portraits taken. As the line trait session, I had gotten a black worked its way past the green Jello and cottage cheese beside the buffet, we noticed that the photogra pher had a horrible cough. It was one of those coughs that made you wince. He’d go “cough ! ' wheeeeeeze.liack-' hack-hack, ker- splatttum,” and then everyone in line except the horrified infants, would look the other way, cringe and wince. We got into a rhythm. He’d cough, we’d turn and wince, he’d cough,- we’d turn and wince and only once in a while need to wipe ourselves off. eye at the zoo. (It’s not what you It was a little like being in line think, I mean I hadn’t gotten into for a firing squad. a scuffle with a monkey or any Anyway, this fellow also thing, I had been looking at the seemed artistically inspired by the hippos and saw the big hand rail feel of his pants resting half-way ing only a split second before I down his backside. (Alan and I thrust my eye socket firmly into thought he must have been a it.) Mom put make-up over my plumber by day.) As we inched our way up the long and winding puffy eye as best she could for line, our photographer set the school pictures the next day, but mood by making darned sure that being a third grader, the make each of us had a good long look up didn’t help much. Money For Everyone NATIONAL PARK JOBS. Forestry workers, park rang ers, firefighters, lifeguards, and volunteer and government positions available at National Parks. Excellent benefits and bonuses! Over 25,000 openings! For more info, call: 1-206-545-4804 ext. N60571 FREE Financial Aid! Over $6 Billion in private sector grants and scholarships is now available. All students are eligible regardless of grades, income, or parents income. Let us help. Call Student Financial Services: 1 -800-263- 6495 ext. F60571 Maybe it had something to so with the wrestling and tumbling I’d done prior to the photo shoot that made my hair look like it had been styled by a weed-eater, and my clothing look as if I had slept in it the night before, I’m not re ally certain. Tam certain that the final product was not one of my best school portraits, and believe it or not, it wasn’t my worst, either. Photographs are really quite telling. I notice that as we get older, we get less and less anx ious to “look at the birdie.” When going through old photo albums, we get the supreme pleasure of looking at how good we USED to look, when we thought we didn’t look all that great, only now, since we’re older, we look worse. So, not only do we get the awful reminder that we look worse than we did when we thought we didn’t look all that hot, but we also get to bask in the notion that we aren’t going to look much better, either. There are other things as in evitable as aging. Take for example pictures of people doing “bunny ears” behind each other’s heads. In just about every photo ever taken in the fam ily, someone had their hands be hind someone’s head giving them bunny ears. Does everyone do that, or is it some sort of genetic deal? musical groups in there. We also point cameras at Is it now a fad for musicians each other and snap away with to appear contentious and mo gay abandon, getting fine photos rose? Some of them look as if of cameras in front of faces. We they’ve just had root canals with have shots of the dog relieving out opening their mouths. himself in the yard, cars we once Maybe these grumpy ones owned and birthday cakes long have just given each other a lot of ago digested and transformed into paper cuts or have all just been fat upon our unphotogenic thighs, flushed with a high colonic. Why do we do this? Why do I don’t trust people who don’t we want a picture of a cake? Why smile. They make me nervous. are men compelled to take pic Some of these musicians look as tures of old automobiles? if they are plotting the overthrow I mean, I seriously doubt if of something. we will be “remembering the Can someone explain to me times of our lives” like this: why “looking cool” to them ‘Watcha lookin’ at, Ma?” means looking contemptible and “Gee, honey...I just got out cranky? I don’t get it. Looking the album of old birthday cakes, happy isn’t “in,” yet being happy it brings back such wonderful and leading a good life is what a memories...” lot of them are singing about. I “Can I get out our album of just don’t get it. old cars we’ve owned and sold?” Maybe they just need to “Oh sure, hon...but let me lighten up a little. Personally, I’d call Dad in first. You know how like to see them all give each other much he loves to look at pictures bunny ears. of the Desoto.” “Ihateseein’ him cry, Ma...can’t we just get out the slides of people taking pictures of each other?” “Good idea, son...and what a fun evening we’re in store for, too.” Now, I’m jtísfctfñóüá abb’üt~’ cakes, cars and cameras, but other pictures can be downright irritating. Take those pictures when so- called friends sneak up on in ’the dark" scream “SUR PRISE!!!” while wildly snapping pictures of your coronary. And speaking of pictures that annoy, have you thumbed through an “A & E” lately? (You know, At First Interstate Bank, we are that insert in the Oregonian on relocating the proof functions for the Fridays?) Take a look at the pho Northwest to our Portland location. Due tographs of some of the various to this expansion, we have several Employment Opportunities Cruise Ships Now Hiring - Earn up to $2,000+/month working on Cruise Ships or Land-Tour companies. 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