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About The Clackamas print. (Oregon City, Oregon) 1989-2019 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 10, 1990)
OPINION From the editor... Flatulence a necessary, if funny, act When the US. first invaded Panama I didn’t think much of Animals of all species flatu- late. A natural and necessary act, and among humans, sometimes embarrassing, more often funny, considering the time, place and circumstances. Since time immemorial, great writers have written about the phenomenon: the Greeks, Chaucer, John Donne, Shakespeare, and our own Mark Twain. In “1601”, Mark Twain tells the story of an incident in the court of Queen Elizabeth. An informal gathering of courtiers and noblemen and ladies were social izing in a closet, or chamber, pay ing homage, to good Queen Bess. The usual chit-chat was going on, very much like a modem cocktail party. Suddenly, a sound of thun der-clap proportions filled the room. In the words of the narra tor: “I, being her majesty’s cup bearer, had no choice but to re- maine and beholde, rank forgot, and ye high holde converse with ye low as upon equal terms, a grete scandal did ye world heare thereof. it, other than, “Oh, well. We finally decided to get Noriega.” After all, I’ve been out of the Army for almost two years now. Why should I worry? But as I left for work that night I suddenly remembered my friend Bob Lawrence, who is a sergeant in the 82nd Airborne Division. Bob and I had served in the same platoon together at Fort Campbell, and we are still good friends. “Did Bob have to go?” I thought. Then I began to worry. After all, the thought of a dose friend being shot at doesn’t make me very happy. So all night as I helped in the Christmas rush at UPS I had visions of Bob in Central Amer ica, doing three-to-five second rushes through the streets of Panama City and acting as the “cutting edge of U.S. foreign policy.” The only comforting thought was that Bob had been stationed in Panama for two years and at least knew the area. After I got home I called Bob’s house at Fort Bragg, hop ing at least to talk to his wife. I was awfully surprised when Bob answered the phone. “Bob? Are you o.k.? You didn’t have to go to Panama?” “No, dammit, I didn’t get to go. I’ve been in the Army for six years and I’m still here. My stink ing little brother has been in six months and he got to go.” Not quite the reaction I was expect ing. Bob had actually been jeal ous of his brother, and the oth ers who would get to wear a “CIB,” the Combat Infantry man’s Badge worn by those who had served in a combat zone. I thought soldiers were supposed to dread actually going to war. I don’t think the fact that I feared the thought of armed conflict during the four years I was a “grunt” makes me any less of a man. It is the fear and loathing of war that is supposed to keep mankind from engaging in con flict. Soldiers aren’t supposed to relish the thought of taking lives. And are little bits of metal worn on a uniform really worth the risk in earning them,let alone the cost in lives? I do believe the invasion of Panama was a good move on the part of the Bush administration. For those who don’t agree, just ask any Panamanian citizen; they’re all ecstatic at being “lib erated” from a drug-using/push- ing tyrant. But the attitude that war is something to be looked forward to is completely wrong. It is a dangerous product of the violence of society, typified in the “Rambo” movies and other action/adventure flicks. The actors “killed” in these movies get up and walk away when the director says, “Cut!” I wonder if Bob is jealous of the twenty-plus Americans who got to go to Panama but came home with flags draped over I them? “In ye heat of ye talk it befell deed as my own but in all honesty, yt one did breake wind, yielding I cannot.” One by one the Queen an exceeding mightie and distress nodded to each in the room. One ful stink, whereat all did laugh full by one, the courtiers responded in sore, and then”: Faces blanched kind, each praising the exploit of and horror was written in their the member of the group respon expressions. An odiferous gas sible. “Then there was silence, and assailed the nostrils of the guests and the Queen. No one left, al each did turn toward the worship ful Sir Walter though that was Raleigh, the the general incli browned, em nation. As pan demonium was The Laugh Clinic battled, bloody swash-buckler replaced by calm who rising up did and interest in Joseph Patrick Lee smile, and simper what the Queen ing say - would say, Queen “Yes your Royal Bess spoke in most magis Highness, “Twas I, your humble terial tones. “Who did that?” No one servant that did it; but indeed it spoke. She surveyed the group. was so poor and frail a note, One by one. Those near her compared with such as I am wont shrugged their shoulders as if to to furnish, yt in sooth, I was say, “Search me”. A determined, ashamed to call the weakling mine royal look came over her face and in so august a presence.” “With that he delivered him she pointed to Lady Alice, who self of such a godless and rock disavowed the performance. As did Lady Margery, Ben Jon shivering blast that all were fain son, Lord Bacon, “Will Shaxpur.” to stop their ears.” The cup-bearer narrator goes Each applauded the flatulation- ist. “Would that I could claim the on to say that Sir Walter apolo gized that he was weak that day. Then the conversation moved on to other ribaldries and customs of the day. The New College Edition of the American Heritage Diction ary of the English has this entry: fart (FART) intr.v. farted, farting, farts. VULGAR. To expel intestinal gas through the anus; break wind.-n. l.Vulgar. A usually audible anal discharge of intestinal gas. 2. VULGAR SLANG. A mean, contemptible person. [Middle English fatten, Old English feor- tan (unattested), see perd- in appendix*], perd-to fart Germanic *fertan, ■ *fertan, in Old English*feortan to fart: FART ¿.Greek perdix, partridge (which makes a sharp whirring sound when suddenly flushed): PARTRIDGE See also variant root pezd. [Pok. ped-819. I put that last paragraph in to give this essay a bit of class and erudition to satisfy any possible qualms about the subject matter. In the Halls of Academe one can get away with murder if intelli gent research effort is indicated. EDITORIAL POLICY The Clackamas Print welcomes «Letters to the Editor. Such letters must be signed or will not be printed. Letters must not exceed 300 words and should be typewritten or neatly printed. Letters can be turned in to the Clackamas Print offices in Trailer B north of Randall Hall. The Clackamas Print reserves the right to edit Letters to the Editor for grammar, obscenities and libelous material. Letters to the Editor must be turned in Friday in order to be printed in the following Wednesday’s edition. More news... ASG Position opens by Aaron Brown Staff Writer A senatorial position on the ASG has opened up due to Mackeeba Shaugnessy’s failure to maintain academic standards last term. Troy Kerr, another senator, was placed on probation, also due to his performance last term. “I didn’t take it as seriously as I should have,” commented Kerr, “I hope to improve this se mester.” Shaugnessy was unavail able for comment. The reason for the actions taken by ASG are a result of a failure by both Shaugnessy and Kerr to maintain a 2.5 GPA or a Cumulative of 2.0 GPA or bet ter. Kerr had grounds for an appeal since he completed a required three credits in order for a possible reinstatement. The appeals board (consisting of ASG Advisor, two ASG Senators, an ASG Officer, and one Counselor) decided to uphold the appeal, after Kerr presented his case. Shaugnessy could not file an Clackamas $rint Editor-In-Chief: Jim Titus Managing/News Editor: Briane C. Dotson Copyeditor: Roseann Wentworth Feature Editor: Angela Wilson Photo Editor: Jillian Porter Sports Editors: Mark A. Borrelli Staci Beard Reporters: Aaron Brown Me-Ussa Cartales Amber Cordry Dan Fulton Dawn Kuehl Brenda Hodgen Margy Lynch Helenmarie Nelsen Jennifer Soper Photographers: Scott Johnson Dawn Kuehl Lane Scheideman Tim Zivney Business Manager: Gregg Mayes Advisor: Linda Vogt The Clackamas Print aims to be a fair and impartial newspaper covering the college community. Opinions ex pressed in The Clackamas Print do not necessarily reflect those of the col lege administration, faculty or Associ ated Student Government. Articles and information printed in this newspaper can be re-printed only with written permission from the Clackamas Com munity College Student Publications Office. The Clackamas Print is a weekly publication distributed every Wednesday except for finals week. Clackamas Community College, 19600 S. Molalla Avenue, Oregon City, Oregon 97045. Office: Trailer B. Tele phone: 657-6958, ext. 309 (office), 577 (production) and 578 (advertising). •1 L* a* b* Page 2 January 10,1990 THE CLACKAMAS PRINT • ' 1 39.12 13.24 15.07 2 65.43 18.11 18.72 1 3 49.87 -4.34 -22.29 • 1 • 1 4 44.26 -13.80 22.85 ' «I ' 5 55.56 9.82 -24.49 D50 Illuminant, 2 degree observer I ' I 6 70.82 -33.43 -0.35 ' s| ■ I 7 63.51 34.26 59.60 ' I ' I 8 39.92 11.81 -46.07 Density ' 4 ' 9 52.24 48.55 18.51 I ' I ’I ' ' I ' I appeal since she did not meet the requirements. This action is more positive than past fall semesters for ASG. In previous years, the ASG has lost at least five senators or more, according to ASG President Gar rett Lytle. “On average, everyone did a pretty good job,” stated Lytle. Lytle hopes that the turnover of ASG senators remains low. The position of senator is open for anyone who wishes to apply. Applicants must be regis tered for a minimum of eight credits per term, and maintain a 2.5 GPA for the term of a cumu lative GPA of 2.0. The opening will be avail able from Jan- 8th thru 12th, with interviewing to commence Jan. 16 from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m. and Jan. 17 from 3:30 p.m. to 5 p.m.. Selection will be on Wednesday. ASGwantstofill the position by the 17th, so the senator can at tend a seminar commencing on Jan 19th. “Fall term... (can be) a bitch,” Lytle concluded. 4 ' ' ’I r I 10 97.06 -0.40 1.13 11(A) 92.02 -0.60 0.23 12 87.34 -0.75 0.21 13 82.14 -1.06 0.43 14 72.06 -1.19 0.28 15 62.15 -1.07 0.19 0.04 0.09 0.15 0.22 0.36 0.51 1
