Image provided by: Clackamas Community College; Oregon City, OR
About The print. (Oregon City, Oregon) 1977-1989 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 13, 1982)
Monologue Idle Hands By J. Dana Haynes I would like to take this time and space to salute the gutsy people of Chiloquin, Ore., who recently passed a law mak ing handgun ownership mandatory. You see, it all started when a small town in Il linois, the name escapes me, passed a law pro hibiting the private posses sion of handguns within the city limits. To protest that decision, the town of Kennesaw, Ga., adopted a law saying everyone had to have a gun. Which led to the city council of San Francisco banning handguns. Which led to Chilo quin. Now I realize that there are a lot of knee-jerk liberals who will say that the worst reason for pass ing a law is to shout “Oh yeah? We’ll show you!” to the city commissioners of San Francisco. But I, for one, unders tand. The people of Chilo quin took a stand. The only problem is, they really didn’t go far enough. What I mean is, San Francisco isn’t the only town with bad laws. And as long as Chiloquin’s town council isn’t afraid to pass judgment on other towns, they should go all the way. Now, my folks live in a small town in Idaho, which has a rather ridiculous rule banning “pornography”. This includes books, movies and magazines, with such fatally broad parameters that the rule could easily apply to Michelangelo’s David and the National Geographic. Once the lawmakers of Chiloquin hear of this, I’m sure they will once again take on the mantle of righteousness and pass ... you guessed it, a man datory pornography law. Soon, every book store in town will carry dog-eared back issues of Hustler and Swank. The local theater will have to replace “On Golden Pond” with Wanda Whips Wallstreet. And soon pornography, which you’ll agree is as American as Mom, apple pie and the Saturday Night Special, will have its niche carved indelibly in Chiloquin. Then there’s the vir tual epidemic of nonsen sical automobile laws that flourish throughout this country. Like any good American, I’m opposed to car registration. The liberal elements will tell you that a motor vehicle is a poten tially deadly weapon, and we should keep track of where they all are in the event of an accident. Well, nonsense! The people of Chiloquin won’t stand for such drivel. Cars don’t kill people; people kill people. What’s more, it’s a known fact that almost no one in Poland owned their own cars when the Nazis invad ed. There are still some of us left who won’t go down without a fight. Car registration is just an ex cuse to take our automobiles away! I join the people of Chiloquin in saying that the government will take my Toyota when they pry it from my cold, locked garage! Now then, about Portland’s current anti prostitution campaign ... Pro-gun stance not pro-death By T. Jeffries I like firearms. I like look- ing at them, I like holding them, cleaning them and firing them. If one were to listen to a standard anti-gun speaker this should make me a rabid sur vivalist, a hopeless deviate, or at least a without a conscience, hunter intent on ridding the world of all forms of wildlife. I feel that I am none of those, and it angers me that my hobby and I are equated with crime, senseless violence and most of the other problems cur rently plaguing the country and world in general. Personally I don’t believe in violence as a solution to any problem except in cases of immediate self preservation or the immediate preservation of someone else’s life. I voted for John Anderson, I believe in total nuclear dis armament , I support Greenpeace, I detest the Moral Majority, I believe James Watt should be lobotomized for the good of the country, and I like guns. Guns do not cause crime, people cause crime. Neither do guns make people commit crimes. People merely use guns as a handy tool to Criminals in Oregon (yes, there are some) are already forced to buy illegally because of this state’s firearms purchasing regulations. They would not at all be hampered by any new regulations Crime is a basic fact of civilization. We have always had it and always will. Certain ly it can be reduced in propor tion, but don’t punish gun owners or guns themselves. Punish criminals. In short, do not condemn all gun owners as potential murderers. Nearly all are simp ly normal, law abiding citizens participating in an activity they enjoy. By the same token, con demn not guns. Look at them as a tool, like a knife or an automobile; harmless until in the hands of the wrong person. “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so,” said William Shakespeare. Is anything not dangerous to your health? and the world abounded with red M&Ms. Nineteen-eighty two is a “Warning: The Surgeon different story. Johnny’s teddy General has determined that and jammies are treated with use of this product may be cancer causing TRIS. Aerosol deodorants and other aerosol hazardous to your health.” How many times have products are eating up the you heard this or similar warn ozone. Heroin and cocaine ings? It’s getting to the point are both habitual and illegal where everything you either , and the harmful red dye in the red M&Ms have caused them eat or do is “hazardous.” Years ago nothing was to become extinct. All of these dangerous (excluding the ob products are “hazardous”. Even the car you drive can vious: guns, knives,; mad bears, etc.). Little Johnny slept be dangerous. Seat belts trap with a teddy bear, deodorant you underwater, air bags ex was sprayed out of aerosol plode ito flames from ciga cans, heroin and cocaine rettes or don’t work at all and were legal prescription drugs windsheilds shatter on impact. Every year more cars are being I----------------------------------------------------------- recalled for things from faulty THE PRINT, a member of the Oregon Newspaper Publishers doorlocks to exploding gas Association, aims to be a fair and impartial journalistic medium tanks. covering the campus community as thoroughly as possible. Opi Going to the store is nions expressed in THE PRINT do not necessarily reflect those of the College administration, faculty, Associated Student Govern becoming a nightmare. First of ment or other members of THE PRINT. all you have to get there. This can be quite a scare in itself. Office: Trailer B ; telephone: 657-8400, ext. 309,310 Virtually all traffic ac Editor In Chief: J. Dana Haynes News Editor: Doug Vaughan cidents happen on short trips Arts Editor: Brett Bigham and bicycles are involved in Sports Editor: Tracy Sumner thousands of accidents every Photo Editor: Wanda Perceival year. Some doctors are beginn Staff Writers: Victoria Archila, Shelley Ball, Karl Gassaway, Doris ing to feel that running is bad Hatcher, Tom Jeffries, Etta Leonard, Walt McAllister, F. T. Morris Staff Photographers: Roberta Ellsworth, Duane Hiersche, Troy for your feet and walking is not Maben, Joel Miller only dangerous (being a Business Manager: Joan Seely pedestrian is a risky business) Typesetter: Teresa A. Hannaford but it is also pathetically slow. Advisor: Sara Wichman page 2 facilitate the commission of a crime. Guns are not inherently evil, nor are the people that shoot them. A gun is a machine, no more, no less. I, like many others, appreciate the beauty of the machines as any car lover appreciates the beauty of a mint condition Stutz Bearcat. I target shoot, very badly I might add. Experimentally; I went hunting once and return ed perfectly happy with a stump and a tin can to my credit. The point is: people like myself and my friends make up the majority of the gun owners in this country and around the world. Our guns have not caus ed crimes, and have been pur chased legally. I would not feel safer if guns, particularly han dguns, were made illegal. It would simply mean that law- abiding citizens would be unable to purchase them. By Brett Bigham of this “hazardous.” Once you get to the store (good luck!) you are really in for a hassle. It used to be that you would grab a basket and start piling things in. Everyday tilings like: honey, Coca-Cola, your Folgers Coffee (with flavor crystals), Pam Cooking Spray, Tab Cola, booze, cigarettes, your brand of feminine protection and a Jiffy Log. Of course no one bothered to tell you that honey contributes to crib death in in fants, Coca-Cola not only has caffeine (it used to contain co caine!) but it can rust a nail three times as fast as water (im agine that in your stomach!) and your Folgers Coffee (minus Mrs. Olsen who is nauseating anyway) con tributes to pancreatic cancer. Pam cooking spray con tains deadly fumes, your diet Tab (just one calorie) causes cancer and the gin in that mar tini you’re thinking about is go ing to eat up your liver and your brain. That Lucky Strike you are striking up is destroying your lungs and causing cancer and your Rely is not reliable at all. It is giving you Toxic Shock Syn- All drome and the Jiffy Log you bought contains cancer causing absestos. Recreation is even getting dangerous to your health. Amusement rides, playgrounds and toys all account for large amounts of accidents every year. Television fries you with radiation and loud music short circuits your hearing. Even skate boards were investigated and recommend ed for removal from the market because of the risk. You’d better be careful with your after-sex cigarettes too. Drop one on your mattress and you’ll really be smoking. Cleanliness is even becoming dangerous. Bathtubs account for a large percent of household accidents, electric hairdryers cause cancer and your pearly whites are having their enamel worn off by Pearl Drops (mmm! What a great feeling!). And lastly, if you have any of these problems or symp toms, DO NOT go to your doc tor or dentist. X-rays are “hazardous!” So why don’t you sit back, put your feet up and take two Tylenols for that nasty headache ... Clackamas Community College
