Image provided by: Clackamas Community College; Oregon City, OR
About The print. (Oregon City, Oregon) 1977-1989 | View Entire Issue (May 27, 1981)
( senator 6RO an 7\ communique \AR£" WU 6UILlV?J Y OF COURSE NOT! MR. M£55£NG£R LOANED HE A COUPLA BUCKS, THATÎS ALL! Politics make for some strange dead fellows By Thomas A. Rhodes in more troops. Of The Print VIRGIN: So, it has just made the Imperialists want to send in more troops to suppress the already suppressed Irish population even more. MAN: I guess so... VIRGIN: So the whole thing has been a waste of time and life? MAN: Not in the least, it hasn’t. VIRGIN: Clarify, please; what was it then? MAN: It was a...political state ment. VIRGIN: You mean a violent political statement. MAN: Violent.. .non violent, .a political statement is statement. If 1,000 women got together and marched down Main Street in a quest for peace between the Catholics and the Protestants, that would be a political statement.. .although a rather insignificant one. VIRGIN:: How do you mean? VIRGIN: All I know is what I cheaper and easier to put up a MAN: Well...it didn’t work. read in the newspaper. What it sign than purchasing a bazooka VIRGIN: But for one whole said was that all these people and a set of machine guns and day, no one in the nation was died...there were a lot of blowing General Samoza to bits killed or injured. them...Aldo Moro, Bobby and pieces? MAN: The next day, someone Sands, Raymond McCreesh, MAN: Of course it would be was, though. Lord Mountbatten, General cheaper to hold up a sign say VIRGIN: But the peace lasted Samoza, countless numbers of ing, “Samoza’s a gob of spit,” longer than when Lord Mount children, women and no but because it is cheaper, it batten was murdered. names that are just blasted off means that you’re not as MAN: You don’t understand. the planet. My lord, someone strong-willed on your subject as If the IRA or any other subver even tried to kill the pope.... if you killed someone. Take sive Irish group performed such MAN: You miss a great Lord Mountbatten, for in a peaceful statement, we—I amount of information in these stance. He was pretty much mean they—would have been articles. England’s answer to John snubbed away by the British for VIRGIN: But all they say is Wayne. One day, while sitting being stupid. Killing Lord pretty much who did it. Groups in his yacht, the IRA decided to Mountbatten shows Thatcher like the IRA, the Red Brigade, make him an ex-lord. and Charles that we are sym the PLO, rebel guerillas, the VIRGIN: Why did they do that? pathetic to our cause. Now this British Army, some people forces the English to stand up even do it to themselves. MAN: Because the Irish are and take notice of the pro-' MAN: You got it. oppressed by the British, and blems. When the United VIRGIN: But why? I just don’t the only way the Army felt they Kingdom finally stands up and understand the reasoning could get the English to pay at takes notice, then the problem behind murdering someone tention to their problems was to will be solved. like Mr. Moro or Mr. Pope. hit the British right where it VIRGIN: Does the end justify MAN: It’s simple. hurts. the means? VIRGIN: You mean simple- VIRGIN: Did it work? MAN: If it’s the end, then it minded? MAN: If you mean, did it hurt does. If it‘works toward a solu MAN: No, just simple. You the British right where the sun tion to the problem, then it see, death is an easy way to don’t shine, you bet it did! does. It will work, that’s what make a political statement., VIRGIN: No, I meant have violence is for. Believe me, People will pay attention. the British started paying atten miss, if I didn’t have a good VIRGIN: But, what’s wrong tion to the problems of the Irish reason to go out and kill the with putting up signs that state people? pope, I wouldn’t go out and do your purpose? Wouldn’t it be MAN: If anything, they’ve sent it. VIRGIN: Why did he go out and shoot the pope, anyway? THE PRINT, a member of the Oregon Newspaper Publishers MAN: I’m not really sure, but Association, aims to be a fair and impartial Journalistic medium covering the campus community as thoroughly as possible. Opi I’m positive he had a damn nions expressed in THE PRINT do not necessarily reflect those of good reason for it, otherwise the College administration, faculty, Associated Student Govern he wouldh’t have done it.. ment or other staff members of THE PRINT. VIRGIN: There aren’t any bet office: Trailer B; telephone: 657-8400, ext. 309 or 310 ter solutions to the editor: Thomas A. Rhodes problems.. .say.. .Northern news editor: J. Dana Haynes; arts editor: Amy DeVour; Ireland and Ireland are having? sports editor: Rick Obritschkewitsch MAN: If better, you mean photo editor: Duffy Coffman peaceful solutions, of course political affairs: David Hayden staff writers: Linda Cabrera, R. W. Greene there are. Say economic sanc Tina Riggs, Sandi Langman tions against England, NATO Tom Jeffries, Mike Rose, Susy Ryan, pressure.. .peaceful protests... Wanda Percival, Tracy Teigland riots...bombings...I mean, staff photographers: Ramona Isackson, Sue Hanneman, Karen think of a situation.. .say you’re Marshall typesetter: Kathy Walmsley; graphics: Lynn Griffith sitting in a front lawn, and you cartoonist: J. Dana Haynes see a spaceship land in your SCENE: A party at the Mariott Hotel in Portland, sometime during the summer. Out of the dark, smoke filled room, two people have found each other. The party is for an elitist band of college dwellers. MAN has crashed the party and only knows that he has crashed an elitists’ party. VIRGIN is a 17-yar-old virgin-like nymph. With virgin eyes, virgin ears and a virgin nose, she is completely innocent of all crimes against humanity. Naturally, she is dressed in a pretty white skirt with matching blouse. Wearing a light brown pair of nylon stockings, VIRGIN wears, below her knees, a pair of bright green suede Nikes. MAN is tough and macho. An anarchist from any point of view, he knows what he wants and is always prepared to go out and get it. MAN knows what makes the world go around. He dons himself a pair of black Army boots, a black tuxedo and a black beret on top of his head. An unfiltered cigarette dangles from his thin, dry lips. His cigarette is unlit, it’s always been unlit, because MAN never lights his coffin nails. Curtain opens in mid-conversation... adviser: Suzie Boss Page 2 yard. What would be quicker, to go in your house, find paint, a brush, some paper and write down, “You’re going to op press me, so get the hell out of here!” or grab your sawed-off and blow the bastards’ brains out?” VIRGIN: But you’re not think ing when committing violence upon another human being. MAN: Wrongo, milady! That’s what political causes are for, to make up for the lack of think ing. That’s what the Red Brigade has done. As opposed to labeling ourselves nuts who are running around kneecapp ing judges, we give ourselves a political cause, so people will respect us. People will respect a band of left- or right-winged extremists, especially if their guns are pointed at your heads. VIRGIN: What ate you say ing? MAN: I’m saying that if you murder someone with political intentions (it could be someone completely innocent, for all I care), then you get caught and thrown in prison, someone else with the same intentions can take a bank, hold 25 hostages, and demand your release. If "the government gives in, then you’re out on the streets murdering more innocent women, children and no names. If you were nuts, you couldn’t label yourself a political prisoner, so an early release is impossible. VIRGIN: Oh my God...I can almost detect some logic in there. MAN: I knew that you would see it that way. VIRGIN: But I don’t, I just don’t see how you c^n justify murdering people like the pope! MAN: Andy Warhol once said, “Everyone will have their moment in the spotlight.” VIRGIN: But you’re justifying murder on the grounds that it will make other people pay at tention to your demands. MAN: I’ m saying that sometimes murder is necessary in order to obtain your goals. Besides, I want my moment in the spotlight, too. VIRGIN: Are you nuts? MAN: (smiling) No, not nuts... VIRGIN: -Who are you, anyway? I don’t even know your name. MAN: It doesn’t really matter, I shouldn’t be talking, I have a job to do. VIRGIN: Oh, really? ^ (ge nuinely interested) What’s your job? MAN: Well...I’m a member of the United Judea Front (he slowly removes a “Saturday Night Special” from his tuxedo pocket and aims it at VIRGIN’s right breast), and I’m afraid I must terminate your life im mediately. VIRGIN: (stunned) But...but why?! MAN: (coldly) Because we of the United Judea Front have repeatedly demanded free tickets to the upcoming Celebrity Attractions season. We have been denied at every turn, so, with the season nearly upon us, we must take this final, desperate act., VIRGIN: (desperate) I’ll give you mine, balcony seats to “A Chorus Line!” MAN: Not good enough! I want tickets to the Joffery Ballet, too (his gun explodes, sending the dead virgin sprawl ing into a set of fun-fur coats. A scream is heard, but is quickly silenced by another person Wanting to survive. The crowd of psuedo-elitists stares in stun ned silence as MAN walks slowly to the exit. He turns to the crowd, smiling.) And remember, if you don’t get tickets to “They’re Playing Our Song” st>on, there’s going to be more violence. (He pretends to take a puff of his unlit cigarette and walks out. The crowd begins to mill amongst itself. A man walks to the phone and calls the police. Soon, the television cameras will, arrive.) Fade to Black Clackamas Community College