The print. (Oregon City, Oregon) 1977-1989, May 27, 1981, Page 2, Image 2

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    ( senator 6RO an 7\
communique
\AR£" WU 6UILlV?J
Y
OF COURSE NOT! MR.
M£55£NG£R LOANED
HE A COUPLA BUCKS,
THATÎS ALL!
Politics make for some
strange dead fellows
By Thomas A. Rhodes
in more troops.
Of The Print
VIRGIN: So, it has just made
the Imperialists want to send in
more troops to suppress the
already suppressed Irish
population even more.
MAN: I guess so...
VIRGIN: So the whole thing
has been a waste of time and
life?
MAN: Not in the least, it
hasn’t.
VIRGIN: Clarify, please; what
was it then?
MAN: It was a...political state­
ment.
VIRGIN: You mean a violent
political statement.
MAN:
Violent.. .non­
violent, .a political statement is
statement. If 1,000 women got
together and marched down
Main Street in a quest for peace
between the Catholics and the
Protestants, that would be a
political statement.. .although a
rather insignificant one.
VIRGIN:: How do you mean?
VIRGIN: All I know is what I cheaper and easier to put up a MAN: Well...it didn’t work.
read in the newspaper. What it sign than purchasing a bazooka VIRGIN: But for one whole
said was that all these people and a set of machine guns and day, no one in the nation was
died...there were a lot of blowing General Samoza to bits killed or injured.
them...Aldo Moro, Bobby and pieces?
MAN: The next day, someone
Sands, Raymond McCreesh, MAN: Of course it would be was, though.
Lord Mountbatten, General cheaper to hold up a sign say­ VIRGIN: But the peace lasted
Samoza, countless numbers of ing, “Samoza’s a gob of spit,” longer than when Lord Mount­
children, women and no but because it is cheaper, it batten was murdered.
names that are just blasted off means that you’re not as MAN: You don’t understand.
the planet. My lord, someone strong-willed on your subject as If the IRA or any other subver­
even tried to kill the pope....
if you killed someone. Take sive Irish group performed such
MAN: You miss a great Lord Mountbatten, for in­ a peaceful statement, we—I
amount of information in these stance. He was pretty much mean they—would have been
articles.
England’s answer to John snubbed away by the British for
VIRGIN: But all they say is Wayne. One day, while sitting being stupid. Killing Lord
pretty much who did it. Groups in his yacht, the IRA decided to Mountbatten shows Thatcher
like the IRA, the Red Brigade, make him an ex-lord.
and Charles that we are sym­
the PLO, rebel guerillas, the VIRGIN: Why did they do that? pathetic to our cause. Now this
British Army, some people
forces the English to stand up
even do it to themselves.
MAN: Because the Irish are and take notice of the pro-'
MAN: You got it.
oppressed by the British, and blems. When the United
VIRGIN: But why? I just don’t the only way the Army felt they Kingdom finally stands up and
understand the reasoning could get the English to pay at­ takes notice, then the problem
behind murdering someone tention to their problems was to will be solved.
like Mr. Moro or Mr. Pope.
hit the British right where it VIRGIN: Does the end justify
MAN: It’s simple.
hurts.
the means?
VIRGIN: You mean simple- VIRGIN: Did it work?
MAN: If it’s the end, then it
minded?
MAN: If you mean, did it hurt does. If it‘works toward a solu­
MAN: No, just simple. You the British right where the sun tion to the problem, then it
see, death is an easy way to don’t shine, you bet it did!
does. It will work, that’s what
make a political statement.,
VIRGIN: No, I meant have violence is for. Believe me,
People will pay attention.
the British started paying atten­ miss, if I didn’t have a good
VIRGIN: But, what’s wrong tion to the problems of the Irish reason to go out and kill the
with putting up signs that state people?
pope, I wouldn’t go out and do
your purpose? Wouldn’t it be MAN: If anything, they’ve sent it.
VIRGIN: Why did he go out
and shoot the pope, anyway?
THE PRINT, a member of the Oregon Newspaper Publishers
MAN: I’m not really sure, but
Association, aims to be a fair and impartial Journalistic medium
covering the campus community as thoroughly as possible. Opi­
I’m positive he had a damn
nions expressed in THE PRINT do not necessarily reflect those of
good reason for it, otherwise
the College administration, faculty, Associated Student Govern­
he wouldh’t have done it..
ment or other staff members of THE PRINT.
VIRGIN: There aren’t any bet­
office: Trailer B; telephone: 657-8400, ext. 309 or 310
ter
solutions
to
the
editor: Thomas A. Rhodes
problems.. .say.. .Northern
news editor: J. Dana Haynes; arts editor: Amy DeVour;
Ireland and Ireland are having?
sports editor: Rick Obritschkewitsch
MAN: If better, you mean
photo editor: Duffy Coffman
peaceful solutions, of course
political affairs: David Hayden
staff writers: Linda Cabrera, R. W. Greene
there are. Say economic sanc­
Tina Riggs, Sandi Langman
tions against England, NATO
Tom Jeffries, Mike Rose, Susy Ryan,
pressure.. .peaceful protests...
Wanda Percival, Tracy Teigland
riots...bombings...I mean,
staff photographers: Ramona Isackson, Sue Hanneman, Karen
think of a situation.. .say you’re
Marshall
typesetter: Kathy Walmsley; graphics: Lynn Griffith
sitting in a front lawn, and you
cartoonist: J. Dana Haynes
see a spaceship land in your
SCENE: A party at the Mariott Hotel in Portland,
sometime during the summer. Out of the dark, smoke
filled room, two people have found each other. The
party is for an elitist band of college dwellers. MAN has
crashed the party and only knows that he has crashed
an elitists’ party. VIRGIN is a 17-yar-old virgin-like
nymph. With virgin eyes, virgin ears and a virgin nose,
she is completely innocent of all crimes against
humanity. Naturally, she is dressed in a pretty white
skirt with matching blouse. Wearing a light brown pair
of nylon stockings, VIRGIN wears, below her knees, a
pair of bright green suede Nikes.
MAN is tough and macho. An anarchist from any
point of view, he knows what he wants and is always
prepared to go out and get it. MAN knows what makes
the world go around. He dons himself a pair of black
Army boots, a black tuxedo and a black beret on top of
his head. An unfiltered cigarette dangles from his thin,
dry lips. His cigarette is unlit, it’s always been unlit,
because MAN never lights his coffin nails.
Curtain opens in mid-conversation...
adviser: Suzie Boss
Page 2
yard. What would be quicker,
to go in your house, find paint,
a brush, some paper and write
down, “You’re going to op­
press me, so get the hell out of
here!” or grab your sawed-off
and blow the bastards’ brains
out?”
VIRGIN: But you’re not think­
ing when committing violence
upon another human being.
MAN: Wrongo, milady! That’s
what political causes are for, to
make up for the lack of think­
ing. That’s what the Red
Brigade has done. As opposed
to labeling ourselves nuts who
are running around kneecapp­
ing judges, we give ourselves a
political cause, so people will
respect us. People will respect
a band of left- or right-winged
extremists, especially if their
guns are pointed at your
heads.
VIRGIN: What ate you say­
ing?
MAN: I’m saying that if you
murder someone with political
intentions (it could be someone
completely innocent, for all I
care), then you get caught and
thrown in prison, someone else
with the same intentions can
take a bank, hold 25 hostages,
and demand your release. If
"the government gives in, then
you’re out on the streets
murdering more innocent
women, children and no­
names. If you were nuts, you
couldn’t label yourself a
political prisoner, so an early
release is impossible.
VIRGIN: Oh my God...I can
almost detect some logic in
there.
MAN: I knew that you would
see it that way.
VIRGIN: But I don’t, I just
don’t see how you c^n justify
murdering people like the
pope!
MAN: Andy
Warhol once
said, “Everyone will have their
moment in the spotlight.”
VIRGIN: But you’re justifying
murder on the grounds that it
will make other people pay at­
tention to your demands.
MAN: I’ m saying that
sometimes murder is necessary
in order to obtain your goals.
Besides, I want my moment in
the spotlight, too.
VIRGIN: Are you nuts?
MAN: (smiling) No, not nuts...
VIRGIN: -Who are you,
anyway? I don’t even know
your name.
MAN: It doesn’t really matter, I
shouldn’t be talking, I have a
job to do.
VIRGIN: Oh, really? ^ (ge­
nuinely interested) What’s your
job?
MAN: Well...I’m a member of
the United Judea Front (he
slowly removes a “Saturday
Night Special” from his tuxedo
pocket and aims it at VIRGIN’s
right breast), and I’m afraid I
must terminate your life im­
mediately.
VIRGIN: (stunned) But...but
why?!
MAN: (coldly) Because we of
the United Judea Front have
repeatedly demanded free
tickets to the upcoming
Celebrity Attractions season.
We have been denied at every
turn, so, with the season nearly
upon us, we must take this
final, desperate act.,
VIRGIN: (desperate) I’ll give
you mine, balcony seats to “A
Chorus Line!”
MAN: Not good enough! I
want tickets to the Joffery
Ballet, too (his gun explodes,
sending the dead virgin sprawl­
ing into a set of fun-fur coats. A
scream is heard, but is quickly
silenced by another person
Wanting to survive. The crowd
of psuedo-elitists stares in stun­
ned silence as MAN walks
slowly to the exit. He turns to
the crowd, smiling.) And
remember, if you don’t get
tickets to “They’re Playing Our
Song” st>on, there’s going to be
more violence. (He pretends to
take a puff of his unlit cigarette
and walks out. The crowd
begins to mill amongst itself. A
man walks to the phone and
calls the police. Soon, the
television cameras will, arrive.)
Fade to Black
Clackamas Community College