Image provided by: Clackamas Community College; Oregon City, OR
About The print. (Oregon City, Oregon) 1977-1989 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 13, 1980)
.. .but targets shoot bacld By Kelly Laughlin Of The Print “Well, well, don’t we look glum today.” “Oh, it’s you again. Sorry, Cupid, I’m not in the mood to talk about the broad, philosophical basis for Valen tine’s Day.” “Are you kidding? I wasn’t gonna ask you about that. I wanted to let you know that Valentine’s Day is tomorrow.” “Wow, you know, you’re right, and I almost forgot.” “It’s no surprise to me.” “How’s that?” “Beat’s me. Usually this time of year, I don’t have any trouble finding people to shoot love and kindness into. I mean, it’s really making my job hard when people ask me ‘not to shoot them.’ Every year, there are a few; you know, the winos, the misers, the old maids and the like. They send me letters a day before Valen tine’s Day, warning me not to darken their doorsteps. But this year, it’s incredible...people trying to cut my wings off, and steal my bow and arrow. What is it? Are people starting to forget Valentine’s Day altogether? Is it my after shave? Come on, buddy, help me out.” “Yea, I guess I owe you one. I’d like to know, first; where all this bad stuff is happening.” “Oh, you mean the wings and that?” “Yea, and all the people asking you not to shoot them.” “Well, let me see. I remem ber the thing with the wings and arrow happening in a place called Tehran. I was sleeping on top of the American Em , bassy, waiting to visit the , hostages, you know, give them j an extra dose of love, when all ' of a sudden these two bearded guys with guns and stoic looks about them grabbed me and sent me up to another bearded guy, who thought I was an American spy, and wanted to take away my bow and arrow, and put me on trial. Well, sir, before they could pluck my wings, I sped Out, still in enough time to finish my delivery to the Americans.” “That’s unbelie veable.” “Yea, I was almost a goner.” “Well, what about the people asking you not to shoot them?” “Most of it was in a place called the U.S.S.R. You know where that is?” “The boundaries change all the time.” “Well, I was taking it easy, relaxing on a chandalier, inside the Kremlin office, you know, ready to do my stuff, when a group of men, about middle forties, looked up at me and started pointing. I heard JOHN’S Complete Exhaust Service *Lifetime guarantee on mufflers *Duals & headers *Trucks & motor homes *AII custom work *Compiete foreign car service *Call for estimate 812 Molalla Ave. Oregon City Page 8 656-3633 strange hissing noises, a few hollers, which didn’t bother me that much. That is, until they started throwing ash trays, pencils and plastic missies at me. Then I knew it was time to cut out.” j “Then I figured my best bet was to go South, maybe to a nice quiet Moslem country. You know, where everyone loves one another, there are no bars, and it’s generally peaceful. But it was almost like I hadn’t flown a mile out of Russia that I was back in Russia again. I’d always remembered Afghanistan to be a pretty mellow country, at least it was last year. This time, the lan dscape was totally different. Oh, yea, there was still sand, but the ground was covered with tanks, guerilla fighters, lots of explosion and very little praying.” “Boy, you really got your work cut out for you this year.” “You’re darn right.” “Well, is that it? Are you finished?” “No, I have one more coun try.” “Well, let’er rip.” “You know this country pret ty well, maybe even better than I do. Here is where I find the most love and togetherness of any country on the globe, yea the U.S. People here generally I are good to each other, and Valentine’s Day is usually remembered in pretty good faith. Oh, we have our share of domestic violence, child molesting and murder, but what country doesn’t? “But I don’t know. This year, flying through all the cities and towns, there’s been a different feeling. People seem a little down and out, like they could use a lift. Some people I talked to said, ‘I don’t want a shot from you, what this country needs is another war, to boost the economy.’ “Well, sir, I didn’t take his opinion as general fact. 1 went to a college campus in Califor nia. There, I got a different opinion: ‘Hell no, we won’t go!’ But really, it was no dif ferent to me, because they didn’t want a shot, either. They said they were too busy being mad. Well, these were mostly guys, and college guys, well, they tend to be wishy washy on love. They say they don’t want to get tied down, that they’ll wait till they graduate to settle have catastrophic consequent ces, Valentine’s Day is probably the least of then worries. Added to that the possibility that women might have to go to war, and that 50 of our citizens have been hell hostage 102 days...do I nakl my point?” “Then Valentine’s Day sn’tj down. So 1 thought I’d try the very girls. They’re a bit of an easier right?” important right noB I mark than the guys. But what “I didn’t say that.” I do ya know, the girls were “Well, what do you mefl almost the same. They, except then?” I for a few, didn’t want a thing to “If you want my opinion! fl do with me. Said, since they think a good healthy dos ofl might have to go to war, that love can wait. Well, sir, I can’t love would really perk me H But for everyone else, 1 tl] wait! I got a job to do.” Valentine’s Day can come I ta “Don’t get all hot and good time, or a bad til îe, bothered, you must have been depending on how you looll at having some luck, right?” it.” “You want to know how “Yea?” many arrows I had left this time “Well, 1 already told I last year?” how it comes at a bad til “Not very many, I take it?” with all the doubt and wl “You got it, buddy.” going on. But at the same til “Let me see if I can explain. it comes at a right tin! First of all, when the possibility because people can find an I of war arises in our country, cuse to forget about whl you know, people having to go going to happen, or what mil to a distant land to fight for happen, and get on with lovl '2 something-or-another, every someone.” body tends to forget about “Isn’t that my line?” Valentine's Day, at least this “Let me do the talking, ■ seems to be the case coming Cupid. You’d better get rid of I from you. They tend to think some of those arrows ” I “Right. Oh, before 1 1 about themselves a lot, worry about where they’re going. forget...” And when all this introspection “Ouch! Ya got me again is about a possible war that may you rat.” BEAVERCREEK I ! I | i TAVERN & CAFE Daily Luncheon Specials LARGE Room 1 ,or I Studying]| 1 QUULJHappy Houl 1 DOWNTOWN 4-6 1 i BEAVERCREEK Every Day] ---------- ——-——LI l SCREEN j V j Clackamas Community College
