.. .but targets shoot bacld
By Kelly Laughlin
Of The Print
“Well, well, don’t we look
glum today.”
“Oh, it’s you again. Sorry,
Cupid, I’m not in the mood to
talk
about
the
broad,
philosophical basis for Valen
tine’s Day.”
“Are you kidding? I wasn’t
gonna ask you about that. I
wanted to let you know that
Valentine’s Day is tomorrow.”
“Wow, you know, you’re
right, and I almost forgot.”
“It’s no surprise to me.”
“How’s that?”
“Beat’s me. Usually this time
of year, I don’t have any
trouble finding people to shoot
love and kindness into. I mean,
it’s really making my job hard
when people ask me ‘not to
shoot them.’ Every year, there
are a few; you know, the
winos, the misers, the old
maids and the like. They send
me letters a day before Valen
tine’s Day, warning me not to
darken their doorsteps. But this
year, it’s incredible...people
trying to cut my wings off, and
steal my bow and arrow. What
is it? Are people starting to
forget
Valentine’s
Day
altogether? Is it my after shave?
Come on, buddy, help me
out.”
“Yea, I guess I owe you one.
I’d like to know, first; where all
this bad stuff is happening.”
“Oh, you mean the wings
and that?”
“Yea, and all the people
asking you not to shoot them.”
“Well, let me see. I remem
ber the thing with the wings
and arrow happening in a place
called Tehran. I was sleeping
on top of the American Em
, bassy, waiting to visit the
, hostages, you know, give them
j an extra dose of love, when all
' of a sudden these two bearded
guys with guns and stoic looks
about them grabbed me and
sent me up to another bearded
guy, who thought I was an
American spy, and wanted to
take away my bow and arrow,
and put me on trial. Well, sir,
before they could pluck my
wings, I sped Out, still in
enough time to finish my
delivery to the Americans.”
“That’s unbelie veable.”
“Yea, I was almost a goner.”
“Well, what about the
people asking you not to shoot
them?”
“Most of it was in a place
called the U.S.S.R. You know
where that is?”
“The boundaries change all
the time.”
“Well, I was taking it easy,
relaxing on a chandalier, inside
the Kremlin office, you know,
ready to do my stuff, when a
group of men, about middle
forties, looked up at me and
started pointing. I heard
JOHN’S
Complete Exhaust Service
*Lifetime guarantee on mufflers
*Duals & headers
*Trucks & motor homes
*AII custom work
*Compiete foreign car service
*Call for estimate
812 Molalla Ave.
Oregon City
Page 8
656-3633
strange hissing noises, a few
hollers, which didn’t bother me
that much. That is, until they
started throwing ash trays,
pencils and plastic missies at
me. Then I knew it was time to
cut out.”
j
“Then I figured my best bet
was to go South, maybe to
a nice quiet Moslem country.
You know, where everyone
loves one another, there are no
bars, and it’s generally
peaceful. But it was almost like
I hadn’t flown a mile out of
Russia that I was back in Russia
again. I’d always remembered
Afghanistan to be a pretty
mellow country, at least it was
last year. This time, the lan
dscape was totally different.
Oh, yea, there was still sand,
but the ground was covered
with tanks, guerilla fighters, lots
of explosion and very little
praying.”
“Boy, you really got your
work cut out for you this year.”
“You’re darn right.”
“Well, is that it? Are you
finished?”
“No, I have one more coun
try.”
“Well, let’er rip.”
“You know this country pret
ty well, maybe even better than
I do. Here is where I find the
most love and togetherness of
any country on the globe, yea
the U.S. People here generally
I are good to each other, and
Valentine’s Day is usually
remembered in pretty good
faith. Oh, we have our share of
domestic violence, child
molesting and murder, but
what country doesn’t?
“But I don’t know. This year,
flying through all the cities and
towns, there’s been a different
feeling. People seem a little
down and out, like they could
use a lift. Some people I talked
to said, ‘I don’t want a shot
from you, what this country
needs is another war, to boost
the economy.’
“Well, sir, I didn’t take his
opinion as general fact. 1 went
to a college campus in Califor
nia. There, I got a different
opinion: ‘Hell no, we won’t
go!’ But really, it was no dif
ferent to me, because they
didn’t want a shot, either. They
said they were too busy being
mad. Well, these were mostly
guys, and college guys, well,
they tend to be wishy washy on
love. They say they don’t want
to get tied down, that they’ll
wait till they graduate to settle
have catastrophic consequent
ces, Valentine’s Day is
probably the least of then
worries. Added to that the
possibility that women might
have to go to war, and that 50
of our citizens have been hell
hostage 102 days...do I nakl
my point?”
“Then Valentine’s Day sn’tj
down. So 1 thought I’d try the
very
girls. They’re a bit of an easier right?” important right noB I
mark than the guys. But what
“I didn’t say that.”
I
do ya know, the girls were
“Well,
what
do
you
mefl
almost the same. They, except then?”
I
for a few, didn’t want a thing to
“If you want my opinion! fl
do with me. Said, since they
think a good healthy dos ofl
might have to go to war, that
love can wait. Well, sir, I can’t love would really perk me H
But for everyone else, 1 tl]
wait! I got a job to do.”
Valentine’s Day can come I ta
“Don’t get all hot and good time, or a bad til îe,
bothered, you must have been depending on how you looll at
having some luck, right?”
it.”
“You want to know how
“Yea?”
many arrows I had left this time
“Well, 1 already told I
last year?”
how it comes at a bad til
“Not very many, I take it?”
with all the doubt and wl
“You got it, buddy.”
going on. But at the same til
“Let me see if I can explain. it comes at a right tin!
First of all, when the possibility because people can find an I
of war arises in our country, cuse to forget about whl
you know, people having to go going to happen, or what mil
to a distant land to fight for happen, and get on with lovl '2
something-or-another, every someone.”
body tends to forget about
“Isn’t that my line?”
Valentine's Day, at least this
“Let me do the talking, ■
seems to be the case coming Cupid. You’d better get rid of I
from you. They tend to think some of those arrows ”
I
“Right. Oh, before 1 1
about themselves a lot, worry
about where they’re going. forget...”
And when all this introspection
“Ouch! Ya got me again
is about a possible war that may you rat.”
BEAVERCREEK I
!
I
|
i
TAVERN & CAFE
Daily Luncheon Specials
LARGE
Room 1
,or I
Studying]|
1
QUULJHappy Houl
1 DOWNTOWN
4-6 1
i BEAVERCREEK
Every Day]
----------
——-——LI
l
SCREEN
j V j
Clackamas Community College