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About Vernonia's voice. (Vernonia, OR) 2007-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 1, 2016)
16 in other words december1 2016 Voices In My Head: Why Dogs Don’t Need Pockets... and Other Foolishness By P.J. O’Leary Sometimes, while we’re diligently preparing our mail for the day’s delivery, dogs will fi nd their way into the Post Offi ce workroom. They “fi nd their way in” because we leave the door open and tempt them with treats. It may seem strange, but everybody who works at the Vernonia Post Offi ce has a soft spot for dogs. In fact, for about four years in the early 2000s we had two dogs (Smoky and Bailey) that would walk from home and punch in at about 8:00 am every morning. They’d get their treats and then lie on the workroom fl oor until about noon, when they’d punch out and head home. We don’t do dog sitting anymore, but we Happy Holidays StPierreGraphics@aol.com T H B P I Y R N T A H E D R A D Y V S K W O R A S N O M C G K P S T A I T T E S N I O P N P V Z S R O K K N E D E B G L C A M N E K T E A T R S O W C E E A D T H E S R Y U N C O R T E L A Z T S I H N O G R Y T F D W A F Y R S G I E N L O A N F D G I V I N G V S M S L T V H E I N F R O S T R E T N I W S E O S G A T H E R I N G B H C L Z T P A O C O C K W A N Z A A G Y Y S still love to spoil them when they come in. Just the other day Heather came in with Bridget and Bridget politely requested a visit to the room where the treats are. Keasey Cory was working that day and he said “I don’t give them food, I give them money.” Needless to say, Bridget was not particularly interested when Cory took out his wallet and offered her a dollar. I thought it was hilarious, but then I also like to think that my comedic sensibilities are refi ned slightly beyond those of a dog. Anyway, about ten minutes later Julie came in with her dog Gus and I said “Hey Cory, Gus wants some money.” Gus did not want some money. I’m pretty sure even Cory knows that God would have given dogs pockets if He thought they needed money. Now you might say “Kangaroos have pockets but they don’t have much use for money.” You’d be wrong. I once saw a kangaroo sitting in a bar, drink in paw, having a heated discussion with the gentleman seated next to him. I overheard the Kangaroo saying “I may not have an advanced degree in Zoology, but I think I know a little bit about Marsupials.” E God didn’t give dogs pockets because L he didn’t want them to have money, and he didn’t want them to have money be- H cause they’d take it right down to the Mini Mart and spend it all on Slim Jims. You C could say “Here’s fi ve dollars Ace. You I can spend two, but I want you to save the rest.” By the time you got to the “but” S part he’d be half way to the Mini Mart where he would drop the whole fi ver on E artifi cial Teriyaki-fl avored meat tubes. He just would. Dogs have about as much self- C control as Chris Christie at Izzy’s. Dogs can’t always have what they I S C A R V E S P Christmas~Birthday~Lights~Candy~Candle Cocoa~Creating~Decorate~Dream~Love~Red Family~Story~Gathering~Gift~Giving~Hanukkah Kwanzaa~Hope~Santa~Short Days~Frost~Snow Winter~Blanket~Poinsettia~Presents~Pine C o n e s ~ S c a r v e s ~ S o c k s ~ S w e a t e r TSP2016 Vernonia Veterinary Clinic Small and Large Animals want. We have to look out for them a little bit. Given a choice, a dog would ride around all day unrestrained in the back of a pickup truck. It’s a smorgasbord of smells, and it brings their senses to life. It’s also a way to get them seriously injured or killed. Dogs are not Arachnids; they can’t stick to a moving surface. I’ve seen my dog fall off of a couch more than once. So do not leave your dog loose in the back of your truck, and do not let your wife or girlfriend squish next to you when you’re driving. People used to do this all the time when I was growing up, and it always surprises me when I still see it. When I was young, and most cars still had bench seats, this was considered an acceptable public display of affection. To me, Mr. Awkward, it was always kind of weird. Back then if the girl was driving, which was admittedly seldom the case, was there some unspoken expectation that the guy would push over and lean on her? I should say not. It was just a bizarre male-fi rst mating ritual which I never really understood. I fi rst became aware of this practice not long after I got my driver’s license. The daughter of one of my Dad’s business associates had, unbeknownst to me, taken a shine to me. While they were visiting, Dad suggested that I take her for a drive to see my school. Let me just say that she was a very nice girl but I was not really very interested in her in a non-school tour kind of way. She moved in pretty quickly, and I was unprepared from a personal space standpoint. I did have a sweater with me, so I managed to wedge that into the small amount of space available. I approached every left turn with a little extra speed in the hope that she might slide back to her appropriate position next to the door. Nothing worked. We looked at my school, shoulder to shoulder, and I took her home. So let’s review. Don’t give your dog money, and don’t let your girlfriend squish next to you when you’re driving, and I’m looking at you. I guess that covers it. Council Moves Forward with Tree Removal continued from page 5 Open Mon, Wed & Saturday 9 a.m. - 4 p.m. Call for Appointments (503) 429-1612 Or 24 hr. Emergency Number (503) 397-6470 700 Weed Ave. Vernonia, OR that would regulate what types of trees, plantings, and containers would be acceptable and create continuity. There was also some discussion about involving downtown business owners that would like to have trees in front of their businesses in the selection and then the ongoing maintenance of the trees. The discussion in the workshop appeared to indicate that the Council will decide at their December 5 meeting when to remove all the trees and then take time to see what the downtown looks like without them, as well as gauge the response of business owners, citizens and visitors, before deciding on any further action. A Trusted Name in Funeral Service Angel Memorials Headstones Fuiten, Rose & Hoyt Funeral Home & Crematory Need more room? 2308 Pacific Ave., Forest Grove 503-357-2161 See us for the lowest prices GUARANTEED! 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