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About Vernonia's voice. (Vernonia, OR) 2007-current | View Entire Issue (April 18, 2013)
in other words april18 Better Parenting: Help For Parents With Spoiled Kids-Part 2 By Sonia Spackman MA, MFT In Part I, “Spoiled Kids Now – Unhappy Adults Later” we reviewed the hidden cost of spoiling our kids and the toll it takes on a child’s self-worth and emotional development. Dr. Harvey Karp,MD, creator of The Happiest Toddler on the Block DVD and book says that the overall pattern is more important than any given moment. “Do it right 80% of the time and you will end up with a really good kid.” So search your heart about the following Do’s and Don’ts of parenting today. DON’T make your child the center of the world. Making your child’s wishes a top priority teaches your child that the world owes him. This could prevent your child from learning to consider other people’s needs and wants. DO Ask yourself these questions: “Am I doing this to meet my own need to be the perfect parent?” Or “Am I attempting to be in control of my child’s happiness?” DO Help young children understand give and take. DON’T ignore your child’s positive behavior. Parents may not notice when children behave well. If we don’t let them know when we are pleased, we miss an opportunity to motivate them to behave positively. DO Catch them being good. Whether it is a toddler or a teen, point out accomplishments describing what you see without giving it a value or praise. “I noticed that you stacked your blocks.” “I noticed you are home on time, thank you.” This will reinforce positive behaviors. DON’T accidentally reward bad behavior. If we notice our kids when they whine and cry, we send them the message that tantrums and tears are the best way to get our attention. Worse yet, when we give in, it proves this will get them what they want, which is not how life works. DO Teach your children to take NO for an answer. DO Practice saying: “You have had enough for now.” Whether it is food, video games, TV, playtime, shopping etc., Explain that you understand that they are disappointed or upset, however, tears, tantrums or disrespectful behavior will not be tolerated. DON’T fail to put clear limits on your child’s behavior. If we don’t set and enforce guidelines for good behavior, we are likely to raise a child who is rude, uncooperative, and disrespectful. DO Teach your kids how to take responsibility for their behavior, and guide them on how to fix problems they create. DO Teach your kids to make good choices just because it’s the right thing to do. DON’T neglect home rules. While some parents fail to set rules, others set “wishy-washy” rules. If we don’t enforce a few good rules regularly we give our kids the message that the rules don’t matter. DO Write out clear rules and decide consequences for breaking the rules. Consequences can range from losing privileges to taking a belonging for a time. DO Explain why it is a special situation Lions Club Spam & Egg Drive News From P.E.O. if you decide to bend a rule every now and then. DON’T let your kids ignore taking responsibility for bad behavior. Refusing to make our kids responsible when they do or say something wrong sends the message that they are never wrong. This teaches our kids to blame others whenever problems arise. DO Teach them respect for people and property. Insist that your kids figure out how they will make amends or replace something they broke or damaged purposely, or accidentally. DON’T act like a spoiled child yourself. How we act in our marriage and in our family has an influence on our kids. If we nag and complain they learn from our behavior. If we gossip or go on facebook and rant - our kids learn to bully or be fearful of those who do. DO Show respect and consideration toward your spouse, your family and others and your kids are likely to follow your lead. DON’T swoop in and do things for kids that they are able to do themselves. When we do, our kids can feel inadequate, insecure or develop a pattern of learned helplessness. DO Allow your child to struggle. If your child is going through a tough time, be careful, it may not be necessary for you to run in and rescue. It is very important that kids learn at a young age how to cope with stressful situations. DO Show them the pros and cons in making decisions. Teach them to make decisions that are age-appropriate. DON’T ignore chores. Teach your kids to do chores and expect they be done the right way in a timely manner. On Saturday, April 6 th the Vernonia Lions Club held its 2nd Annual Spam & Egg Drive at the Vernonia Sentry Market to help the Vernonia Cares Food Bank. Vernonia Cares traditionally receives most of its donations in November and December. Working together, the Lions Club is trying to promote giving throughout the year. The Lions Club makes cash donations as needed, but are working to get the “giving” message out to the rest of the community. The Vernonia Cares Food Bank is in need of canned protein items, including tuna, ham, and SPAM. Several of the Lions Club members love Spam and have collected labels and memorabilia. It’s been a great fit. With cash donations received, the Food Bank purchases eggs from Sentry Market. Next year the Lions are planning a Spam cooking demonstration. Thanks to Vernonia for all your support. 2013 9 DO Have your children help you create a rewards chart or an agreement for rewards or privileges for chores done properly. This will help kids develop responsible patterns in sports, school, college and careers in their future. DON’T think that it is ever too late to start over. Examine the things you need to stop doing, do better and start doing for your kids to finish well. DO “Tell your child the truth as Psychologist Ruth Peters, PhD., author of the child discipline manual, Laying Down the Law, suggests. Say, “I have blown it as a parent and explain why there will be some changes.” Less nagging and more action are better. We want to believe we did our best to prepare our kids as we send them out in the world as adults. You parents with young children still have time. Experts say that three of the most important gifts parents can give their kids growing up are to help them understand: The self-confidence they acquire when they understand how to manage their own emotions and happiness. The satisfaction they get when they are able to give to others and contribute in the community. The independence they gain when they learn to earn what they want. In closing, We do our best, God does the rest. Resources: Sherry Rauh, David J. Bredehoft, Ph.D., Harvey Karp, MD, Ruth A. Peters, Ph.D. Silkscreen printing Printing while you wait for small orders Vinyl lettering and heat transfers Teams, groups, special events Hoodies, dress shirts, aprons & more No order too large or too small No set-up fees 711 Bridge Street, Vernonia (503) 433-4278 kavila@kaptanskraft.com P.E.O. members have been getting ready for spring with their annual Spring Bulb Sale, which is now completed. The bulb orders are on their way, and the local chapter wishes to thank the community for their support. Proceeds from the sale will be used for college scholarships. New officers were recently elected and installed at P.E.O. . They are: President: Ilene Grady Vice-President Coni Hodgson Recording Secretary Mary Tolonen Treasurer Tobie Finzel Chaplain Katie Poetter Corresponding Secretary Audeen Wagner Guard Patty Buchanan Two new members were welcomed into the local chapter this spring: Roxana Sherman-Heath has lived in Vernonia since 1972, and is in her 17 th year working at Vernonia High School as a teaching assistant. Molly Mollett was raised in Portland and moved to Vernonia in 2009 to establish a small horse ranch, a labor of love. She is a retired teacher and social worker. P.E.O. welcomes these two enthusiastic, energetic new members. Their interests and backgrounds blend well with P.E.O.’s goal of supporting women in meeting their educational needs. • Kitchen & Bathroom Remodels • Finish Carpentry • Ceramic Tile Work • Custom Home Construction • Additions • Commercial Tenant Improvements Jim Morrison, Jr. General Contractor CCB# 112057 Ph: (503) 429-0154 MorrisonRemodeling@hughes.net Vernonia, OR 97064 • Licensed • Bonded • Insured
