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april18
Better Parenting: Help For Parents With Spoiled Kids-Part 2
By Sonia Spackman MA, MFT
In Part I, “Spoiled Kids Now –
Unhappy Adults Later” we reviewed the
hidden cost of spoiling our kids and the
toll it takes on a child’s self-worth and
emotional development.
Dr. Harvey Karp,MD, creator of
The Happiest Toddler on the Block DVD
and book says that the overall pattern is
more important than any given moment.
“Do it right 80% of the time and you will
end up with a really good kid.”
So search your heart about the
following Do’s and Don’ts of parenting
today.
DON’T make your child the
center of the world. Making your
child’s wishes a top priority teaches
your child that the world owes him. This
could prevent your child from learning
to consider other people’s needs and
wants.
DO Ask yourself these questions: “Am I
doing this to meet my own need to be the
perfect parent?” Or “Am I attempting to
be in control of my child’s happiness?”
DO Help young children understand
give and take.
DON’T ignore your child’s
positive behavior. Parents may not
notice when children behave well. If
we don’t let them know when we are
pleased, we miss an opportunity to
motivate them to behave positively.
DO Catch them being good. Whether
it is a toddler or a teen, point out
accomplishments describing what you
see without giving it a value or praise.
“I noticed that you stacked your blocks.”
“I noticed you are home on time, thank
you.” This will reinforce positive
behaviors.
DON’T accidentally reward
bad behavior. If we notice our kids
when they whine and cry, we send them
the message that tantrums and tears are
the best way to get our attention. Worse
yet, when we give in, it proves this will
get them what they want, which is not
how life works.
DO Teach your children to take NO for
an answer.
DO Practice saying: “You have had
enough for now.” Whether it is food,
video games, TV, playtime, shopping
etc., Explain that you understand that
they are disappointed or upset, however,
tears, tantrums or disrespectful behavior
will not be tolerated.
DON’T fail to put clear limits on
your child’s behavior. If we don’t set
and enforce guidelines for good behavior,
we are likely to raise a child who is rude,
uncooperative, and disrespectful.
DO Teach your kids how to take
responsibility for their behavior, and
guide them on how to fix problems they
create.
DO Teach your kids to make good
choices just because it’s the right thing
to do.
DON’T neglect home rules.
While some parents fail to set rules,
others set “wishy-washy” rules. If we
don’t enforce a few good rules regularly
we give our kids the message that the
rules don’t matter.
DO Write out clear rules and decide
consequences for breaking the rules.
Consequences can range from losing
privileges to taking a belonging for a
time.
DO Explain why it is a special situation
Lions Club Spam & Egg Drive
News From P.E.O.
if you decide to bend a rule every now
and then.
DON’T let your kids ignore
taking responsibility for bad behavior.
Refusing to make our kids responsible
when they do or say something wrong
sends the message that they are never
wrong. This teaches our kids to blame
others whenever problems arise.
DO Teach them respect for people and
property. Insist that your kids figure out
how they will make amends or replace
something they broke or damaged
purposely, or accidentally.
DON’T act like a spoiled child
yourself. How we act in our marriage
and in our family has an influence on our
kids. If we nag and complain they learn
from our behavior. If we gossip or go
on facebook and rant - our kids learn to
bully or be fearful of those who do.
DO Show respect and consideration
toward your spouse, your family and
others and your kids are likely to follow
your lead.
DON’T swoop in and do
things for kids that they are able to do
themselves. When we do, our kids can
feel inadequate, insecure or develop a
pattern of learned helplessness.
DO Allow your child to struggle. If your
child is going through a tough time, be
careful, it may not be necessary for you
to run in and rescue. It is very important
that kids learn at a young age how to
cope with stressful situations.
DO Show them the pros and cons in
making decisions. Teach them to make
decisions that are age-appropriate.
DON’T ignore chores. Teach
your kids to do chores and expect they
be done the right way in a timely manner.
On Saturday, April 6 th the Vernonia Lions Club held its
2nd Annual Spam & Egg Drive at the Vernonia Sentry Market to
help the Vernonia Cares Food Bank.
Vernonia Cares traditionally receives most of its donations
in November and December. Working together, the Lions Club
is trying to promote giving throughout the year. The Lions Club
makes cash donations as needed, but are working to get the
“giving” message out to the rest of the community.
The Vernonia Cares Food Bank is in need of canned
protein items, including tuna, ham, and SPAM. Several of the
Lions Club members love Spam and have collected labels and
memorabilia. It’s been a great fit. With cash donations received,
the Food Bank purchases eggs from Sentry Market.
Next year the Lions are planning a Spam cooking
demonstration.
Thanks to Vernonia for all your support.
2013
9
DO Have your children help you create
a rewards chart or an agreement for
rewards or privileges for chores done
properly. This will help kids develop
responsible patterns in sports, school,
college and careers in their future.
DON’T think that it is ever too
late to start over. Examine the things
you need to stop doing, do better and
start doing for your kids to finish well.
DO “Tell your child the truth as
Psychologist Ruth Peters, PhD., author
of the child discipline manual, Laying
Down the Law, suggests. Say, “I have
blown it as a parent and explain why
there will be some changes.” Less
nagging and more action are better.
We want to believe we did our
best to prepare our kids as we send them
out in the world as adults. You parents
with young children still have time.
Experts say that three of the
most important gifts parents can give
their kids growing up are to help them
understand:
The self-confidence they acquire when
they understand how to manage their
own emotions and happiness.
The satisfaction they get when they are
able to give to others and contribute
in the community.
The independence they gain when they
learn to earn what they want.
In closing, We do our best, God
does the rest.
Resources: Sherry Rauh, David J.
Bredehoft, Ph.D., Harvey Karp, MD,
Ruth A. Peters, Ph.D.
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P.E.O. members have been getting ready for spring with their annual Spring
Bulb Sale, which is now completed. The bulb orders are on their way, and the local
chapter wishes to thank the community for their support. Proceeds from the sale will
be used for college scholarships.
New officers were recently elected and installed at P.E.O. . They are:
President:
Ilene Grady
Vice-President
Coni Hodgson
Recording Secretary
Mary Tolonen
Treasurer
Tobie Finzel
Chaplain
Katie Poetter
Corresponding Secretary
Audeen Wagner
Guard
Patty Buchanan
Two new members were welcomed into the local chapter this spring:
Roxana Sherman-Heath has lived in Vernonia since 1972, and is in her 17 th year
working at Vernonia High School as a teaching assistant. Molly Mollett was raised
in Portland and moved to Vernonia in 2009 to establish a small horse ranch, a labor
of love. She is a retired teacher and social worker.
P.E.O. welcomes these two enthusiastic, energetic new members. Their
interests and backgrounds blend well with P.E.O.’s goal of supporting women in
meeting their educational needs.
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