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About Vernonia's voice. (Vernonia, OR) 2007-current | View Entire Issue (June 26, 2012)
in other words Better Parenting: By Sonia Spackman MA, MFT Where Do Their Beliefs Come From? Our kids have their own ideas about how to belong or be accepted. The way our kids think is based on what they believe about themselves and others. Our kid’s feelings and thoughts, positive or negative, come from these beliefs. june26 2012 15 The Flip Side of our Kid’s Faulty Beliefs or Thinking Errors they don’t expect things from me.” What Does The Flip Side Look Like? Involvement: “I want to be a part of things. Please help me learn to do my part.” Independence: “I want to be myself. Please give me choices so I can learn to do what is right and be respon- sible.” Who Gets Faulty Beliefs or Thinking Fairness: “I want things to be Errors? fair. Please help me learn to give and Children who become discour- take and cooperate.” aged most often misbehave. They form Being competent: “I need times beliefs about how to feel connected or be to think for myself. Please help me to accepted that often lead to misbehavior. learn to trust in myself.” liefs by: Changing from attention to in- volvement Changing from power to inde- pendence Changing from revenge to being fair Changing from helplessness to independence ing power or revenge. Don’t join in this power struggle but keep trying to be as fair as you can. When Do The Thinking Errors Hap- pen? When a child wants attention a child may think, “I can be accepted and special more when I am noticed- even if that could make a problem for Dad or Mom.” When a child wants power, he or she may think, “I am more acceptable by being the boss, or acting powerful. If I get in a fight with Mom or Dad I have more power.” When a child wants revenge, he or she may think “I am not that loveable. I can be equal to Mom and Dad by mak- ing them feel hurt like I do.” When acting helpless, a child may think “I can belong better if I get Dad and Mom to agree that I can’t do things. In fact, when I try and fail, I can get them to see I am not good enough so What Is Important To Know? Encourage. It is important to teach your child to try new things and to keep trying. Listen to your child to talk about his or her worries or to talk about prob- What Is Important For These Chang- lems. Be sure to listen more than you talk. Try to reflect back what you think es To Happen? Our kids need to have a part in your child is feeling. Notice your child’s strengths family projects. Show them how to co- operate with other people. We want to and point them out to your child without help them to be a part of things and to be praising him or her. helpful to others too. In closing remember, parenting We need to give our kids choices and let them live is practice, if we make a mistake our with the choice they make. kids will give us more chances to get it When it is possible we need to right. This time we have explored let them do things on their own or alone. They will become some ways that beliefs and feelings af- more confident and learn to fect how kids decide to act in order to be accepted. And we tried to understand make better choices. We need to be fair and our kids thinking errors and what we can guide our kids to be fair. It is try that might make things better. Next important to treat kids with time we will explore how we often buy respect and kindness so they into their feelings and what we as par- will learn to trust you. This ents can try when we do. way they will learn that people can be fair and trustworthy and Resources AGS, American Guidance they will have no need to get Service Inc., STEP, Systematic Training for Effective Parents. even. How Do Kids Change? Sometimes you will try to be If you have questions or would like sug- As parents, we use this infor- mation and additional information to fair but your child may feel that you are gestions contact me at soniaspckman@ encourage and practice helping our kids not fair enough. If this happens, check msn.com develop positive goals and positive be- your feelings. Your child may be seek- As part of their training, all 126 cadets earned their food handler permits, as well as first-aid and CPR certification. In addition, 112 donated blood through the American Red Cross. Cadets set a goal of giving 100 units of blood and gave 122. The class also provided 11,787 hours of community service, averaging more than 94 hours per cadet. Cadets volunteered at numerous Bend civic events and worked for local nonprofits, including Special Olympics Oregon, Habitat for Humanity, March of Dimes, Deschutes County Fairgrounds, Oregon State Parks and the U.S. Forest Service. 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