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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 1, 2012)
by Atlas Flynn ADVICE Dirty Words On The Move Apparently, our roomate's boyfriend is really grossed-out hearing us have sex. OMG I’m in trouble. I’m sleeping with a girl in Portland that’s pretty well known. She’s been see- ing other people in the past, but is supposed to be just with her girlfriend right now. I just feel like everyone is on the verge of finding out, and I’m afraid everybody is going to blame me. WTF do I do? Nothing? Move away? - On the verge Hmmm. Well, you are in the shit OTV, aren’t you? Basically, you’re sleeping with someone who is cheating. Regardless of rules in the past, the cur- rent ones consist of her being exclusive with her girlfriend. If you continue to sleep with her, you become accountable to the injuries that ensue. If the girl you’re seeing is as socially known as you say, you can be sure… There will be blood. Moving away seems a bit much. If you’re friends with your lover’s girl, then you need to work out a way to come clean. It’s painful, but only the truth can set you free. If you don’t know her girlfriend, then it’s time to suspend romantic privileges until they’ve worked it out. You might save yourself the angry Facebook messages from her army of queers and dears. Hey Dirty Words! I’m excited to read your new column, and I have a question for you… My boy- friend and I just moved into a beautiful house with a straight couple. The problem is that I’ve now overheard them argue twice about us. Apparently, the boyfriend is really grossed-out about hearing us have sex. I’ve heard them, and it’s not music, but it doesn’t bother me. My boyfriend doesn’t think we should bring it up, but… now I feel weird. Should this be a talk? - To talk or not to talk Oh, man, and thanks for the well wishes. I like the idea of you approaching this freaked-out dude, and promising to only have straight sex with your boyfriend from now on. But no, that’s a bad idea. 50 JustOut.com There’s no other option I can see, but having a talk about it. It will be awkward, but you have the right to have sex in your house. Nothing will change for the better if you let it alone. Approach the subject in the least combative way possible, and prepare for non-resolution. He probably won’t be okay with it for a while, or perhaps ever, but your “good roommate” duty is over. The burden is on him to deal with it. He doesn’t have to like it, but I’m glad that you do. Thanks again! I’m 25, straight, and male. I’m having trouble with my girlfriend of two years. At first, the sex was good, and we both seemed satisfied. Now things have cooled off, and I think we need to experi- ment. I’d like to watch other couples, especially gay ones. I think queer sex is incredibly hot, and I don’t know why she’s so resistant and closed- minded to it. Are there words I should be using to convince her to loosen up? – Likes to Watch LTW, I will refrain from joking with you, as I’m afraid you’d take me seriously. Of course there’s nothing wrong with a harmless fetish. If the voy- eurism is consensual for all parties, then that’s just fine. However, pressuring your girlfriend to do something she’s not comfortable with isn’t cool. There aren’t “loosening up” words for things like this, and if there were, I wouldn’t share the dark arts with you. Have a talk about ways to rekindle your sex life that she’s into. If she draws a blank, surprise her with something sexy that won’t scare or scar her. If my girlfriend wanted to watch straight couples do it, I’d get her a Cinemax sub- scription. Perhaps the gay porn can be for your eyes only. Good luck. g Send your questions for Atlas Fynn to atlas@justout.com. September 2012
