Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (June 17, 2011)
GREGG BATES C (M t? W g U B A N * e R LI YOUR OWN PARK! Windermere, Portland Heights Windermere, Vancouver, WA 18.62 treed acres. Well-kept 4BR/3BA built 1992. 2 barns, fenced pasture. Huge shop w-220, hiking trails. Serenity! Cell 503.756.8875 greggbates.mywindermere.com Doug Beebe + Tom Cotter B ro k e rs Doug 5 0 3 .2 6 0 .7 8 0 8 Tom 5 0 3 .2 6 0 .7 8 7 6 K N IP E $575,000 David Krause E v e r y P o r tI a n d H o m e .c o m RI:Al H \ \ \ Pr i nci pal Br ok e r / O w n e r • Li c e ns e d in O R / W A D e b o ra h B etro n P rin c ip a l B ro k er BRID G ETO W N r R E A L T Y 1 1 * 5 0 3 .2 8 7 .9 3 7 0 x 1 0 4 deborah@ bridgetownrealty.com b rid g eto w n reaIty.co m B rian F latt 9341 NW Old Skyline Blvd. 503 . 572.0809 ML#10052829, $8 45,000 b riflatt@ ao l.co m 503.481.4771 Just... 4 BR, 3.5 BA, 4031 Sq. Ft., 3 car garage, 1.43 Acre lot Fantastic Executive Retreat by Street of Dreams builders. Gorgeous master on main with vaulted ceiling, gas fireplace & luxurious bath. Viking Pro kitchen w/slab granite. Custom casework throughout and made for indoor-outdoor living and filled with light. You'll love living here! www.bflatt.com w w w .ju sto u t.c o m Licensed in W ashington and O regon JOEL H A M L E Y Principal Broker, APR T he Real in Realtor 1902 SE Morrison St. • Portland, OR 97214 Direct: 971.506.9499 II« www.welcomehomepdx.com See my display ad in this issue. R ea lty T r u st CROUP C M as H . D wayne D avis Instant Access to Portland and the Nation's Top Gay & Lesbian Realtors. Principal Broker Celia J. Lyon Wh the p P [' * r -----•' . ^ n il ( 5 0 3 ) 3 1 9 -4 0 5 7 P( AVER ()F ()NE CeliaLyon.com • CeliaLyon@aol.com J Meadows Group Inc. • 1902 SE Morrison SEE MY DISPLAY AD IN THIS ISSUE D ear M s . B e h a v io r ( j I w lValKstalc Principal Broker : I adore my boyfriend and were having the most incredible and lovely romance. My concern is that John was raised to believe that it’s better not to talk about uncomfortable situations. This came up yesterday when John told me about a problem he is having with his house mate. Me told me that they’ve been emailing each other about it. I said,“YOU LIVE IN T H E SAME HOUSE! W H Y ARE YOU EM A IL ING AND N O T TALKING? T H A T ’S N O T * HEALTHY!” It got me to thinking: W hat if I ignore this sign and then this happens with us in a year or two? So far, there have been no problems, hut we’re just ending our first year. I talk about everything in a very direct manner, no m at ter how uncomfortable. I want to ask John whether or not he can learn to be a more overt - communicator. I want to deal with it now, be fore we have a problem. So I want to say, “I hope we can always make it a rule to talk about stuff as it happens instead of waiting until any real harm is done... And if that isn’t an option, could you say so now?” Do you think John could be trained to talk? — Sieve D ear S t e v e : The relationship world is easily divided into * communicators and non-communicators, who usually end up in tortured pairings. The chatty among us are initially drawn to and then end lessly frustrated by those who don’t talk, and the silent types wish the talkers would just shut up. am, . ( 5 0 3 ) 294 -11 01 (•mini h d d a v is (a jre a lty tru s t.c o m w w w .realtytru st.co m /tid w ayn ed avis Let’» talk about your need» and create a strategy for your future. Find Your Perfect A gent Online: www.GayRealEstate.com or Call Toll Fret* 1 .8 8 8 .4 2 0 .M O V E ms. behavior The relationship world is easily divided into com m un icato rs and non-com m un icators, w ho usually end up in tortured pairings. The chatty am ong us are initially draw n to and then endlessly frustrated by those w ho d o n ’t talk, and the silent types wish the talkers would just shut up. For people uncomfortable with talking, a mere 15-minute conversation may feel like breathing underwater. But for those who experience talking as an actual need, non communicators seem like recalcitrant teenagers intentionally withholding communication. It seems natural for this concern to arise at the scary one-year mark, which is when most couples are forced to move beyond the initial thrill o f sex, movies and infatuation. Once you bring up this issue, John’s reaction will reveal a lot about his willingness and ability to talk. As for whether he could be trained to com municate, it depends; unless he views non communication as a problem, he probably won’t change. So the burden will be on you to push it, because John is probably comfortable with how things are right now. You can try to motivate John by engaging him in small, non-threatening conversations and ArchitectureTENRealty.com (6 6 8 3 ) Love and Communication: I’m a Talker, He’s So Not « 3 properties in 3 w e e K S then rewarding him when he chats with you. M any sages o f the universe have tried to address the mystery about why comm unica tors are always paired with non-com m u nicators, even though it creates homicidal impulses for both sides. Ms. Behavior offers three theories: 1) W e recreate our early wounded relation ships w ith our mothers: Those o f us who felt suffocated are drawn to com m unica tors, and those who have felt abandoned are drawn to non-com m unicators. Though it seems counterintuitive, we unconsciously seek people who m ight torture us into healing. 2) No other com bination works: Two com m unicators would talk each other into a coma, and a pair o f non-com m unicators would ignore each other to death. 3) G od is mean and punishing. D ear M s . B e h a v io r : A photographer recently asked my girl friend, Jane, to pose for a lesbian calendar. This photographer’s work consists primarily o f tasteful but sensual black-and-white nudes, sometimes in couples. Jane realized that I wasn’t crazy about the idea and said she won’t do it if I don’t want her to. My dilemma is this: Jane’s body is her own and I don’t want to appear controlling and tell her not to do it. But on the other hand, it also upsets me to imagine her kissing or touching another woman. Any suggestions? — Connie D ear C o n n ie : Perhaps the solution need not be as black and white as it seems. It doesn’t sound like you necessarily object to the nudity in the photo graphs, but rather to your girlfriend posing in sexual positions with other women. If this is true, you might explain which specific aspects make you uncomfortable, rather than asking her not to do it at all. Try to say something really clear, like, “Go have your naked photos taken with my bless ing, pumpkin, but I’d be more comfortable if you could please refrain from kissing, dry humping and muff diving with others, even for the sake o f art.” M eryl Cohn is the author o f D o W h a t I Say: Ms. Behavior’s G uide to Gay and Lesbian E tiquette. Send questions or correspondence to mshehavior@aol. com.
