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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (June 3, 2011)
OREGON S LESBIAN/GAY/BI/TRANS/OUEER NEWSMAGAZINE 4 Promote Your Business Here business directory JUNE 3,2011 3 5 [jg ] 503 . 236.1253 » REAL ESTATE r B A N IV U □ Teamwork The Team that works for you! Doug Beebe + Tom Cotter Brokers Scott Werner, MO. SRI Principal Broker, 971-322-9399 ScottWernerRealtor.com John Lippe, Broker, 971-221-5994 Doug 5 0 3 .2 6 0 .7 8 0 8 Tom 5 0 3 .2 6 0 .7 8 7 6 E v e ry P o rtla n d H o m e .co m B rian F latt 3570 SW River Parkway #511 2BR/2BA 1325 sf, $350,000 503 . 572.0809 2 Garage Spaces briflatt@aol.com www.bflatt.com Principal Broker THE POWER OF ONE CeliaLyon.com • CeliaLyon@aol.com M LO# 228404, C L -41238 Sr. Loan Consultant j| JOEL HAMLEY Principal Broker, ABR The Real in Realtor Great opportunity in South 1902 SE Morrison St. • Portland, OR 97214 W aterfront. Owner-Occupied or investment. Direct: 971.506.9499 www.welcomehomepdx.com M SS Cherry, travertine, quartz & marble finishes. Light and bright with windows on 3 sides. Celia J. Lyon Christine C Hall Bridgetown Realty, 2100 NE Broadway. Suite 125 See my display ad in this issue. Licensed in W ashington and Oregon Your Lender fo r Life Y 1 Meadows Group Inc. • 1902 SE Morrison SEE MY DISPLAY AD IN THIS ISSUE GREGG BATES Windermere, Portland Heights Windermere, Vancouver, WA Cell 503.756.8875 greggbates.mywindermere.com There's no substitute fo r expertise! call ( 5 0 3 ) 4 8 1 -0 5 7 4 hallc@eaglehomemortgage.com ds3 R e a l t y T r u st eagleHome ' CROUP x : M O R T G A G E Instant Access to Portland and the Nation's H . D w ayne D a v is | Eagle Home Mortgage, LLC. All Rights Reserved. P O R TLA N D S G LB T ONLINE COMMUNITY P rin c ip al B roker cell (503) 319-4057 (503) 294-1101 C a ll V ( i;i\ ~ Heal “ llsla lr 503 . 236.1253 E x t. F a x 503 . 236.1257 10. MAIL TO: P .O . B O X 14400, P O R T L A N D O R 9 7 2 9 3 t IN PERSON TO: 6 2 3 4 N. G R E E L E Y AVE. e m a il www.justout.com offu, WANT TO ADVERTISE IN JUST O U TP hddavis@ realtytrust.corn www.justout.com www.realtytrust.com/hdwaynedavis L e t'* ta lk a b o u t y o u r needs an d create a stra tegy Tor y o u r fu tu re . 1.888.420.MOVE (6683) JUST OUT RESERVES THE RIGHT TO REJECT OR EDIT ANY ADVERTISEMENT THAT MAY BE DEMEANING OR OFFENSIVE TO OUR READERS 4 Straight Up, D e a r M s . B e h a v i o r : My problem may seem not to be a problem at all to most people, but it’s slowly eating away at me. One of my best friends, an openly gay and rather flamboyant man, has recently decided to “turn straight.” He has been dating and sleeping with a woman, and often feels the need to tell me how great the sex is between them. My first reaction was to joke with him, in disbelief. But over the past several months, he has slowly dropped out of the gay scene in fa vor o f staying in with his new woman, or going away for romantic weekends with her. More recently he has taken offense to my jokes about him “becoming a breeder” and defends the relationship by stating that “she knows what I’ve done and what I like,” adding that “she likes women also— she’s very open-minded.” He now expects me to be happy for this new person in his life, but I can’t bring myself to do so. To me, the whole relationship appears to be two desperate individuals getting together as a last resort. I see my once independent and confident friend as a person who has chosen to take the easy way out and “settle” for a relation ship that requires minimal effort. Am I wrong to feel this way? Should I just “snap out of it” and be happy for my friend, or do I have the right to want true happiness for him? I don’t want our friendship to end, but I Now Tell Me Why My Flamboyant Friend Has Switched Teams f t * don’t see much hope if he continues living in a fantasy world where his sexual preference can be switched on and off like a light switch. — Mr. Reality Check D ear M r . R eality C h eck : Your surprise seems to indicate that your “flamboyant” friend’s sexual orientation never before seemed fluid, or at least not to you. So if he’s a close friend who is suddenly trying to be straight now, aren’t you curious about why? Since you value your friendship with him, a curious attitude would be the best one you can take— as opposed to a judgmental one— “Look at that queen trying to pass himself off as straight!” or a frightened one— “W hat if I never get my friend back?” or, “O M G , what if I myself wake up someday with a strange and nagging desire to touch female breasts?” The bottom line is that it is best to ask questions and try to understand your friend, while saving ms. behavior your judgment for later. W hy do people who have worn tiaras and marched in gay parades suddenly jump the fence? It happens for a variety o f reasons: 1 Self-loathing; 2 M oney motivation— e.g. a large ho mophobic bequest being left only to straight offspring; 3 Religious beliefs or brainwashing; 4 A deluded desire to become someone else in time for a significant life milestone or event, e.g. the need to gain approval in time for a reunion or 40th birthday; 5 A phase. O r a need to get rid o f hetero sexual “virginity.” 6 Youth and fluidity. Younger people don’t pay attention to labels the way that older people do. 7 Sometimes gay people find other gays o f the opposite gender and form families or have sexual relationships with them. This is their definition o f queer and it seems to work for them. 8 Confusion. 9 Kinkiness. (Yes, straight is the new kinky.) 10 Unexpectedly falling in love with an un likely person (e.g. o f the “wrong”gender). Yes, it does happen, though it’s rare. You’re going through a sense o f loss because your friend— as you once knew him— is gone. At least for now. You can’t just “snap out of it” or change the way you feel. But this gives you an opportunity to learn to be a more suj£ portive friend. Keep in mind that the fat lady hasn’t sung yet. Meanwhile, we’re obviously going to have to tighten the homo borders. Too many people have jumped the fence lately, which must mean that there’s been a security breach. Perhaps we should invest in a moat with al ligators to keep the gays in and to keep out those wandering straight people who define themselves as “curious.” K M eryl Cohn is the author o f D o W h a t I Say: M s. Behavior’s G uide to Gay and Lesbian Etiquette. Send questions or correspondence to mshehavior@aol. com.
