OREGON S LESBIAN/GAY/BI/TRANS/OUEER NEWSMAGAZINE
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JUNE 3,2011
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503 . 236.1253
» REAL ESTATE
r
B A N IV U □
Teamwork
The Team that works for you!
Doug Beebe + Tom Cotter
Brokers
Scott Werner, MO. SRI Principal Broker, 971-322-9399
ScottWernerRealtor.com
John Lippe, Broker, 971-221-5994
Doug 5 0 3 .2 6 0 .7 8 0 8 Tom 5 0 3 .2 6 0 .7 8 7 6
E v e ry P o rtla n d H o m e .co m
B rian F latt
3570 SW River Parkway #511
2BR/2BA 1325 sf, $350,000
503 . 572.0809
2 Garage Spaces
briflatt@aol.com
www.bflatt.com
Principal Broker
THE POWER OF ONE
CeliaLyon.com • CeliaLyon@aol.com
M LO# 228404, C L -41238
Sr. Loan Consultant
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JOEL HAMLEY
Principal Broker, ABR
The Real in Realtor
Great opportunity in South
1902 SE Morrison St. • Portland, OR 97214
W aterfront. Owner-Occupied
or investment.
Direct: 971.506.9499
www.welcomehomepdx.com
M SS
Cherry, travertine, quartz &
marble finishes. Light and bright
with windows on 3 sides.
Celia J. Lyon
Christine C Hall
Bridgetown Realty, 2100 NE Broadway. Suite 125
See my display ad in this issue.
Licensed in W ashington and Oregon
Your Lender fo r Life
Y 1
Meadows Group Inc. • 1902 SE Morrison
SEE MY DISPLAY AD IN THIS ISSUE
GREGG BATES
Windermere, Portland Heights
Windermere, Vancouver, WA
Cell 503.756.8875
greggbates.mywindermere.com
There's no substitute
fo r expertise!
call ( 5 0 3 )
4 8 1 -0 5 7 4
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Straight Up,
D e a r M s . B e h a v i o r :
My problem may seem not to be a problem at
all to most people, but it’s slowly eating away at
me. One of my best friends, an openly gay and
rather flamboyant man, has recently decided to
“turn straight.” He has been dating and sleeping
with a woman, and often feels the need to tell
me how great the sex is between them.
My first reaction was to joke with him, in
disbelief. But over the past several months, he
has slowly dropped out of the gay scene in fa
vor o f staying in with his new woman, or going
away for romantic weekends with her. More
recently he has taken offense to my jokes about
him “becoming a breeder” and defends the
relationship by stating that “she knows what
I’ve done and what I like,” adding that “she
likes women also— she’s very open-minded.”
He now expects me to be happy for this new
person in his life, but I can’t bring myself to
do so. To me, the whole relationship appears to
be two desperate individuals getting together
as a last resort. I see my once independent and
confident friend as a person who has chosen to
take the easy way out and “settle” for a relation
ship that requires minimal effort.
Am I wrong to feel this way? Should I just
“snap out of it” and be happy for my friend, or
do I have the right to want true happiness for
him? I don’t want our friendship to end, but I
Now Tell Me Why My Flamboyant Friend Has Switched Teams
f t *
don’t see much hope if he continues living in a
fantasy world where his sexual preference can
be switched on and off like a light switch.
— Mr. Reality Check
D ear M r . R eality C h eck :
Your surprise seems to indicate that your
“flamboyant” friend’s sexual orientation never
before seemed fluid, or at least not to you. So
if he’s a close friend who is suddenly trying to
be straight now, aren’t you curious about why?
Since you value your friendship with him,
a curious attitude would be the best one you
can take— as opposed to a judgmental one—
“Look at that queen trying to pass himself off
as straight!” or a frightened one— “W hat if I
never get my friend back?” or, “O M G , what if
I myself wake up someday with a strange and
nagging desire to touch female breasts?” The
bottom line is that it is best to ask questions
and try to understand your friend, while saving
ms. behavior
your judgment for later.
W hy do people who have worn tiaras and
marched in gay parades suddenly jump the
fence? It happens for a variety o f reasons:
1 Self-loathing;
2 M oney motivation— e.g. a large ho
mophobic bequest being left only to
straight offspring;
3 Religious beliefs or brainwashing;
4 A deluded desire to become someone else
in time for a significant life milestone or
event, e.g. the need to gain approval in
time for a reunion or 40th birthday;
5 A phase. O r a need to get rid o f hetero
sexual “virginity.”
6 Youth and fluidity. Younger people don’t
pay attention to labels the way that older
people do.
7 Sometimes gay people find other gays o f
the opposite gender and form families or
have sexual relationships with them. This
is their definition o f queer and it seems
to work for them.
8 Confusion.
9 Kinkiness. (Yes, straight is the new
kinky.)
10 Unexpectedly falling in love with an un
likely person (e.g. o f the “wrong”gender).
Yes, it does happen, though it’s rare.
You’re going through a sense o f loss because
your friend— as you once knew him— is gone.
At least for now. You can’t just “snap out of
it” or change the way you feel. But this gives
you an opportunity to learn to be a more suj£
portive friend. Keep in mind that the fat lady
hasn’t sung yet.
Meanwhile, we’re obviously going to have
to tighten the homo borders. Too many
people have jumped the fence lately, which
must mean that there’s been a security breach.
Perhaps we should invest in a moat with al
ligators to keep the gays in and to keep out
those wandering straight people who define
themselves as “curious.”
K
M eryl Cohn is the author o f D o W h a t I Say:
M s. Behavior’s G uide to Gay and Lesbian
Etiquette. Send questions or correspondence to
mshehavior@aol. com.