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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (June 3, 2011)
voices On Suffering a Crisis of Pride OREGON'S LGBTO NEWSMAGAZINE A few weeks ago, I met a potential suitor at Coffee Tim e on N W 21st, a rare daytime m eet-and-greet made possible by my favorite video game, Grindr. We exchanged an awk ward hug, found an empty table and dove While I can perhaps empathize with headfirst into cold, monotonous conversation. (but not understand) aversions to The steady whir o f espresso machines and the endless chatter emanating from patrons elaborate drag shows or gigantic around us dwarfed our sad attempts at dis Pride parades, empathy stops there. course. I tapped my cup nervously; we traded long, blank stares and hurried phrases— awkward hugs were replaced with dead-eyed sometimes lovers interrupt one other because stares and half-assed excuses to leave. I thought about him for days after, not be they’re excited to share, other times because they so thoroughly bore one another. He had cause he was all that dashing or interesting— I found him terribly tedious, and I’m sure he felt me at “I think Bill M urray’s weird.” The conversation grew particularly uncom the same. His words haunted me for days after. fortable when it veered toward jobs. I covered Could I unequivocally define myself outside my laundry list of occupations, the makeshift, my queer community? Could any gay I know? patchwork quilt o f gigs that keeps me afloat Would we even want to? W hile I can perhaps and in the city. W hen he asked why 1 work so empathize with (but not understand) aversions much, I explained: my exorbitant drinking to elaborate drag shows or gigantic Pride pa budget. Crickets. Just Out came up, and our rades, empathy stops there. How does who you fledgling dynamic again worsened— he un fuck not define you? Looked around the world leashed a diatribe, one I ’d expect from my lately? Consumed any media? Sexuality is built zealous, fundamentalist cousin. “My existence into everything, it’s unavoidable. Make no mis has so much more going for it, too much to take: Queerness affects us. revolve around gay culture,” he started. “Being That’s why Pride, as watered down as it’s gay doesn’t define me. And Pride?” He dis become (think: right after Stonewall), is para missed Pride with a wave o f his hand. The al mount. In my earliest sentient gay years, ready disastrous date ended with a thud; cloistered in a cult, I sneaked downtown to JUNE 3, 2011 25 of young men sitting in front o f Blue Moon yelled “faggot” at me. Emboldened by a street filled with people, I hollered back, “Beaverton is over that hill. Go eat there next time.” Later BY DANIEL BORGEN that evening, friends and I sauntered down catch peeks o f parades, drag queens and what Stark toward Silverado from Maricon at Mata was then an unofficial gay headquarters, Bal dor, a typical jaunt. Midway, the same bridge- loons Over Broadway. I hunted down the gay and-tunnel type passed us, slowed down, mur~. newspaper— and read it. I caught glimpses of muring, eventually showered us with gay things that made my abnormality more com epithets and all manner of physical intimida fortable— shots o f adrenaline to burgeoning tion. It wasn’t until I pulled out my cell phone self-esteem. I nursed these earliest adventures and called 911 that the rubbish scurried away. with camaraderie alone, hoarding every mor I’d love to blame the Rose Festival or T im sel. Eventually, I found community. bers games for attracting unsavory types. But A few weeks ago, a gay man, Brad, and his carnies and crazed soccer fans aren’t responsi date were beaten on the Eastbank Esplanade, ble for all the hate— and dissecting it is an presumably for holding hands. It seems they other column for another day. I’m not particu inadvertently let being gay define them. I larly “gay” looking (maybe my shorts are), but don’t know Brad particularly well, but from I’m heckled and hated anyway. Brad wasn’t our semi-regular interactions I’ve found him prancing around in drag when he was at to be gracious and sweet— I can only assume tacked— not that that would be a viable ex the same for any boy he’d choose to pursue. cuse. If we’re going to be hated for who we W hat makes this already reprehensible inci are, let’s be who we are, no lurking in shadows dent worse: It seems people watched— and or blending in. So our avoid-downtown-at- did nothing. No one yelled. No one called the all-costs Pride parade isn’t as radical as post-’ police. Brad somehow found a way to break Stonewall celebrations were. Regardless, it’s free o f the fracas and summon the authorities. one o f the best ways o f letting the gay “define” me— and I’m perfectly okay with that. T#] Now, our community rallies around them. A recent Saturday afternoon, clad in short shorts, I basked in temporary sunshine while I'm betting he'll be there—I'll be baring my legs. grocery shopping on N W 21st when a group Email DANIEL@JUSTOUT.COM. ► A GAY MENS NAKED DISCO PARTY Saturday, June 1lth 7:00PM - 11:00PM TICKETS $7. @ THE DOOR THIS ISA NUDE EVENT. CLOTHING IS NOT AN OPTION CLOTHING CHECK @ THE DOOH BOXXES VIDEO BAR 330 SW 11TH (§> STARK PDX OR 503.226.4171 BOXXES w w w .om enpdx.org
