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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 7, 2011)
WWW JUSTOUT COM VOICES I Am Pondo. Hear Me ROWWWRRR! Hello, my name is Bennie and I’m a Panda Cub. No, I’m not an actual specimen of the Ailuropoda melanoleuca species native to the bamboo forests of Central Western and South Western China. In the gay Bear community, I am considered a Panda— an Asian Bear. For those of you not familiar with gay lingo, when I say Bears, I don’t mean those hairy four-legged creatures that roam Yellowstone Park and hunt for salmon. W hen I say Bears, I’m referring to the subculture within the LG- BTQ_community that is made up of bigger (mostly) and hairy (mostly) gay men. Oregon happens to he chock-full o f Bears. - You’re probably looking at my picture and wondering what the hell this smaller, smooth Asian gay guy is doing hanging out with all these big, hirsute and burly men. To be honest with you, by Asian standards, I’m considered quite rotund. But the simple truth is this— I’ve always been attracted to Bears and Cubs (think Bear but usually younger and not as big). One of my earliest gay epiphanies was watch ing the TV show Grizzly Adams and finding myself getting titillated by Dan Haggerty, the quintessential example of a Bear if ever there was one. Though still in primary school, I al ready had a “thing” for Bears. Ultimately I chose to associate with the local Bear community because they welcomed and accepted me with open arms (and sometimes You're probably looking of my picture and wondering what the hell this smaller, smooth Asian go/ guy is doing hanging out with oil these big. hirsute and burly men. To be honest... by Asian standards. I'm considered quite rotund. legs). Life for a gay Asian immigrant is rarely easy. It was hard growing up in an Asian coun try where being a homo can get you thrown in jail and caned. I can’t even begin to describe the bullying I went through in school. Tilings got somewhat easier when I moved to the United States, where being gay was bet ter tolerated and did not automatically make one a pariah. However, after I came out o f the closet, I found myself having a hard time fit ting in. Some Asians in the gay community did not accept me because I was too western ized and tend to be outspoken. And my predi lection for white, hairy men was sometimes seen as a betrayal of sorts. Some o f my Gay- sian friends wondered why I didn’t just find a decent Asian man and settle down. Like many young queers before me, I dab bled in several scenes. I was a twink until I re alized I like to eat— Delta Burke has nothing on me when it comes to yo-yoing body weight. I tried to do the whole circuit queen thing un til a fellow circuit queen and good friend pulled out three different types o f drugs to in gest at the same time so they could work in tandem and give him the appropriate highs and lows. I’m not against recreational drug use but to consume that much in order to have one night o f fun seemed silly to me. It was time for me to leave that world behind. Then I found the Bear community. In years past, I would unwittingly wander into an O re gon Bears’event from time to time. However, in part due to shyness and in part because I didn’t think I would fit in, I never got more involved with them. Then three years ago, when I started deliberately attending more events, I met former president o f the Oregon Bears Frank Armstrong. We had a long chat during which he told me about the history of the Bear movement and encouraged me to get involved with this furry band o f merry men. The Bears’ acceptance o f me is really not that unusual. After all, these are the guys who were ostracized for being different— for being too big and not manscaping. Bears are gay men who truly know what it feels like to be an outsider but have come to accept and love themselves for who and what they are. Finally, I found a place where I could be myself. Yes, I drank the Kool Aid and I never looked back. It wasn’t long before local Bear folk start ed calling me “Panda,” and the nickname stuck. In the local Bear community, I’m known not only for being out there and friendly but also for speaking my mind. And at times I can be quite irreverent, bringing up issues that may make people uncomfortable but I think merit discussion. That’s what I hope to bring to this column. Think of me as a male version o f M ar garet Cho. I consider her my power animal. In coming weeks, I’ll talk about some inter esting topics, with a Panda Cub twist. My goal is always to make you think and maybe look at something from a different angle. W ho knows, I just might make you go, “Panda say what?!” JW B f . nnie T an can often be found foraging fo r bamboo at Oregon Bears' functions. Feel free to approach him; this Panda won't maul you— not without you buying him a drink first. Electroni cally, reach him at pdxpandacub@gmail.com. magazines clothing • lingerie The Imperial Sovereign Rose Court invites one and all to join us for our upcoming events: multichannel arcade huge selection gift cards available Rose Court Community Art Exhibit January 11 -30, 2011 at the Q Center Gallery - 4115 N. 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