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I Am Pondo. Hear Me ROWWWRRR!
Hello, my name is Bennie and I’m a Panda
Cub. No, I’m not an actual specimen of the
Ailuropoda melanoleuca species native to the
bamboo forests of Central Western and South
Western China. In the gay Bear community, I
am considered a Panda— an Asian Bear.
For those of you not familiar with gay lingo,
when I say Bears, I don’t mean those hairy
four-legged creatures that roam Yellowstone
Park and hunt for salmon. W hen I say Bears,
I’m referring to the subculture within the LG-
BTQ_community that is made up of bigger
(mostly) and hairy (mostly) gay men. Oregon
happens to he chock-full o f Bears.
- You’re probably looking at my picture and
wondering what the hell this smaller, smooth
Asian gay guy is doing hanging out with all
these big, hirsute and burly men. To be honest
with you, by Asian standards, I’m considered
quite rotund. But the simple truth is this— I’ve
always been attracted to Bears and Cubs (think
Bear but usually younger and not as big).
One of my earliest gay epiphanies was watch
ing the TV show Grizzly Adams and finding
myself getting titillated by Dan Haggerty, the
quintessential example of a Bear if ever there
was one. Though still in primary school, I al
ready had a “thing” for Bears.
Ultimately I chose to associate with the local
Bear community because they welcomed and
accepted me with open arms (and sometimes
You're probably looking of
my picture and wondering
what the hell this smaller,
smooth Asian go/ guy is doing
hanging out with oil these big.
hirsute and burly men. To be
honest... by Asian standards.
I'm considered quite rotund.
legs). Life for a gay Asian immigrant is rarely
easy. It was hard growing up in an Asian coun
try where being a homo can get you thrown in
jail and caned. I can’t even begin to describe the
bullying I went through in school.
Tilings got somewhat easier when I moved
to the United States, where being gay was bet
ter tolerated and did not automatically make
one a pariah. However, after I came out o f the
closet, I found myself having a hard time fit
ting in. Some Asians in the gay community
did not accept me because I was too western
ized and tend to be outspoken. And my predi
lection for white, hairy men was sometimes
seen as a betrayal of sorts. Some o f my Gay-
sian friends wondered why I didn’t just find a
decent Asian man and settle down.
Like many young queers before me, I dab
bled in several scenes. I was a twink until I re
alized I like to eat— Delta Burke has nothing
on me when it comes to yo-yoing body weight.
I tried to do the whole circuit queen thing un
til a fellow circuit queen and good friend
pulled out three different types o f drugs to in
gest at the same time so they could work in
tandem and give him the appropriate highs
and lows. I’m not against recreational drug use
but to consume that much in order to have
one night o f fun seemed silly to me. It was
time for me to leave that world behind.
Then I found the Bear community. In years
past, I would unwittingly wander into an O re
gon Bears’event from time to time. However,
in part due to shyness and in part because I
didn’t think I would fit in, I never got more
involved with them. Then three years ago,
when I started deliberately attending more
events, I met former president o f the Oregon
Bears Frank Armstrong. We had a long chat
during which he told me about the history of
the Bear movement and encouraged me to get
involved with this furry band o f merry men.
The Bears’ acceptance o f me is really not
that unusual. After all, these are the guys who
were ostracized for being different— for being
too big and not manscaping. Bears are gay
men who truly know what it feels like to be an
outsider but have come to accept and love
themselves for who and what they are. Finally,
I found a place where I could be myself.
Yes, I drank the Kool Aid and I never looked
back. It wasn’t long before local Bear folk start
ed calling me “Panda,” and the nickname stuck.
In the local Bear community, I’m known not
only for being out there and friendly but also
for speaking my mind. And at times I can be
quite irreverent, bringing up issues that may
make people uncomfortable but I think merit
discussion. That’s what I hope to bring to this
column. Think of me as a male version o f M ar
garet Cho. I consider her my power animal.
In coming weeks, I’ll talk about some inter
esting topics, with a Panda Cub twist. My goal is
always to make you think and maybe look at
something from a different angle. W ho knows, I
just might make you go, “Panda say what?!” JW
B f . nnie T an can often be found foraging fo r
bamboo at Oregon Bears' functions. Feel free to
approach him; this Panda won't maul you— not
without you buying him a drink first. Electroni
cally, reach him at pdxpandacub@gmail.com.
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