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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 7, 2011)
WWW JUSTOUT COM VO ICES Losing My Religion The holidays are over for another year. The marathon carols and cheesy Lifetime Christ mas movies are over and everyone can stop the crazy shopping frenzies and maybe focus on something other than the six-hour sale at Fred Meyer and the extra 15 percent-off coupon for Macy’s. Thank goodness, the bell ringers won’t meet us at the door when we go into the gro cery store and we can stop hearing about “The Assault on Christmas” conspiracy so popular with certain right-wing programs and publica tions. Their goal is to force all people, religious or otherwise, to focus on the “real meaning of Christmas.” W hat is the real meaning of Christmas? Do those who profess to remember “Jesus is the Reason for the Season ” even have a clue of what Christmas is really about or how it came to be? I don’t think so. Despite the stress to do Christmas well, I love many aspects of the holiday: I love to shop, I tear up every time I hear “Oh Holy Night” and I love Christmas trees. Rut I’m not reli gious— I am an agnostic who borderlines on atheist. W hile shopping this year with my mother, she picked out a necklace for my daughter. It was a costumey, Madonna-like crucifix on a chain, which are apparently once again in style. I said to my mother, “Please don’t confuse her.” She replied, “You’ll have to explain that to me; you used to be such a Jesus freak.” I was sur- were once a strong center o f my life. This pro cess began when, while married, I had an affair with a woman, got a divorce and came out as a lesbian. I was told I was not welcome at my church— the scandal would be too upsetting to the other parishioners— at a time when I need ed the support more than ever. I started to by Kathryn Martini question whether or not there was good in all things and lost my ability to see this opportu I regularly have shoved down nity for growth, especially while blinded by de my throat that my life, and pression and the gravity o f my situation. I still whom I choose to love, is such maintained my faith in a God-type entity for a while— until I returned to college. o crime against God that I My quest to earn my degree and become an intellectual at 40 has allowed me to absorb the don't deserve the some rights material I learn much differently than when I that I hod when I was married was 18. The history, sociology, psychology and literature I have learned all have religious be to o man. liefs as explanations for horrible treatment to prised. It’s true that when I was married and whole races and populations including geno attempting to live the perfect suburban family cide, slavery, racial and gender discrimination life, my husband and I attended church regu and the withholding of basic civil rights to larly— and although it was an ecumenical-type marginalized groups. As a gay American, I reg liberal church, Jesus was at the center o f the ularly have shoved down my throat that my life, teachings. I believed there was one power in and whom I choose to love, is such a crime the universe— that of God, and I practiced my against God that I don’t deserve the same rights faith and did consider the religious nature of that I had when I was married to a man. I real holidays. 1 didn’t think myself a Jesus freak but ize that all Christians don’t believe this, but the was a strong believer in his teachings. groups that do have been loud enough to legal Over the last six years, I have grown away ize discrimination against my family and me— from that belief and the spiritual practices that all in the name o f God and “His Word.” LIVING OUT LOUD 7 PROFILE THEATRE JOHN stReet Cafe When We Go Upon the Sea by Lee Blessing January 12-16, 2011 Staged Reading This provocative new play explores a future in which President George W. Bush is put on trial for international war crimes. Thief River by Lee Blessing 8338 N. LomBaRÒ 503.247.1066 Thief River February 2 - 27, 2011 "The definitive work capturing the homosexual experience in the rural American Midwest over the last 50 years." - Windy City Times 3430 SE Belmont St.( Portland www.profiletheatre.org - 503.242.0080 Daily Lunch Special Cod fish 6c Chips $ 5.50 1 1 a m - 3 p m , dine in only, no subs Fresh Regional Seafood A lw ays! I choose to have no part of this and would prefer to focus on seeing the good in people and putting energy into being the best person I can be to myself and to others. I choose to leave God and Jesus out o f it because, frankly, I don’t want to associate with their followers. I have lost my religion but not my faith in humani ty— despite the atrocities in the world. And despite my change of heart, I celebrate the holidays— all which were hijacked from ancient rituals practiced long before anyone heard o f a man named Jesus. My belief s or lack thereof don’t assault Christmas; I am acutely aware o f its real meaning. The tree is a bit o f nature brought inside the house. The lights help to brighten the dark days o f winter. The singing and the feasts bring friends and families together, and the gifts— well that’s just about consumerism, but I still like those, too. I can live my life and raise my children with out needing to buy into the judgment o f God, the guilt of sin or even the promise of an after life. My faith is in living a good life and treating others well. I know a few Christians who should perhaps try it out. «K K athryn M artini is a freelance w riter anil blogger who lives w ith her wife and three daugh ters in the suburbs o f Portland. She can be reached through kathrynmartini.com.
