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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 21, 2009)
OREGON'S GAY/LE SBIAN/Bl/TRANS NEWSMAGAZINE AUGUST 21 2009 Æ JS , R ile d -U p Fem m e Asks “W h y C a n 't I G e t Just O n e Kiss? D ear M s . B ehavior : I’m in a monogamous relationship Mth a woman I love, but I’m in a predicament. There’s someone else who I want to make out with—or, I’d settle for touching her body a bit. I f I were to ask my friends for advice, most o f them would say, “End the relation ship you’re in first.” But isn’t it stupid to jump to that conclu sion when that may not be necessary? Couldn’t making out with someone else be just an expe rience, maybe even a one-time thing? My friend Emily just died, and she was only 4 0 .1 know Emily and her partner weren’t getting along. So now I’m thinking, if Emily had had the chance to have someone take her breath away for five minutes, to make her wet, to make her words quiver, don’t you think she would have (maybe even should have) enjoyed the moment? W hat’s with all this morality crap anyway? Where does it get us? There’s no one among my immediate friends who wouldn’t judge me, so I’m asking you, Ms. Behavior: Would it really be so bad to just kiss someone or hold her for a few minutes? - Desperate Woman kiss another woman’s lips or perhaps touch her boobies, all would be well with the world, right? The problem is that you’re standing at the top o f the very mountain for which the term “slippery slope” was created: You’re in a monogamous relationship but you meet someone who you like and want to kiss. At first it all seems very innocent and sweet* How could anything be wrong with pressing your lips against hers? Couldn’t this be totally compartmentalized from your relationship? Pretty soon, kissing the new woman opens an unexpected doorway and then— uh-oh— kissing just isn’t enough. So, next you touch her breasts under the bra. Soon you realize that really you’re very tired and need to lie down...together. You slip one o f your legs between her thighs, because, well, it just fits perfectly, and as you snuggle, her breast slips into your mouth so easily. When she grabs your butt and writhes against you, it becomes clear that you need to take off your jeans, cause you and your partner aren’t connecting because they’re chafing you. There’s nothing well right now, or because you’re in a fallow* wrong with hugging while you’re in your un phase o f your relationship. Or maybe it’s just derwear, right? Your hugs are so wholesome that you’re human and it’s totally normal to and sweet that a thin cotton barrier is really experience an occasional intense attraction to all it takes to keep your chastity intact. Her someone else, even if you’re monogamous. slight gasps and hard breathing only indicate Your feelings, o f course, aren’t the prob that she hasn’t been hugged in a long time. lem. (The problem is that you want to have And then that thin cotton barrier is somehow your attraction and eat her, too.) Mainly, you in the way, and suddenly you’re both naked. have a commitment to your partner, which^ What a surprise! you’ll be breaking if you act on this attraction Depending on your personality, it can take without letting her know that you intend to anywhere from 10 minutes to a whole year to do it. No one likes a liar or a cheat. go through all these steps, but Ms. Behavior So, you can either be honest with your predicts that if you kiss this woman, your partner, or decide not to act on the attraction. damp underwear will eventually end up on It may help to talk it through with a friend or the floor, entwined with hers, as you lie on a therapist. Whatever you do, don’t hide your the bed, basting in each other’s juices. Soon lustful feelings in a dark closet where they you wonder: how did all this happen? will only grow large and strange. Poor dead Emily has caused a crisis, hasn’t O f course, you may decide to kiss or touch she? I f only she’d gotten to make out with this woman anyway— and it doesn’t mean someone before she died, she would have that you’re a terrible person— but it’s not died a happier woman. Or maybe not. But likely to lead to a healthy outcome or a happy that’s what you’re imagining in this moment, wife. which coincides with the awakening o f your libido— which feels like the opposite o f being M eryl C ohn is the author o f Do What I dead. Say: Ms. Behavior’s Guide to Gay and Lesbiair The message you’re getting from your Etiquette. Signed copies are available directly psyche (or maybe your clit) is one of longing. from the author. Send questions or correspondence Maybe you’re longing for another woman be to msbehavior@aol. com. »AIDS 8 HIV appointment. (9 am-4:45 pm Monday-Friday except 11:00-4:45 pm Wednesday 426 SW Stark St.. Sixth Floor. 50 3-9 8 8-3775.) and sexuality, budgeting and tenant education. (Shyle Ruder 503-223-5907. ext. 202 www cascadeaids.org.) CAREAssist pays for health insurance premiums, prescrip tion drugs and insurance plan co-payments and deductibles for eligible people with HIV/AIDS. Program of the Oregon Department of Human Services and the Ryan White CARE Act. (8 am-5 pm Monday-Friday. 503-731-4029 or 800-805-2313. www healthoregon.org.) HIV DAY CENTER offers hot meals, counseling, laundry facilities, clothing, showers and hygiene supplies, computers with Internet access, phones, mail drop, recreational activi ties. massage and haircuts. We are in need of volunteers to work in the kitchen, meal delivery drivers, massage therapists and folks to help cook lunch to clients on Fridays. Feel free to call Mara at 503-460-3822. (9 am-3 pm Monday-Friday. 2941 NE Ainsworth St. 503-460-3822.) POSITIVE LIVING SERIES is a seven-week self-manage ment series for people living with HIV/AIDS designed to assist you in taking care of your illness, give you skills to carry out normal daily activities and provide you with the tools to man age emotional changes (Julia 503-230-1202. ext. 235 www ohsu.edu/partnership/fuzeon.html.) BABBLE-ON TOASTMASTERS meets at Red Coach Restaurant to develop communications and leadership skills, including prepared speeches, impromptu speaking and running effective meetings. (4-5:30 pm Sunday. 615 SW Broadway 503-330-2706 www babble-ontm org.) ♦TALK is a five-week program for people living with HIV designed to reduce stress around talking about your HIV status and negotiating safer sex New sessions start monthly. (Josh 503-223-5907. jferrer6cascadeaids.org.) BISEXUAL COMMUNITY FORUM is a space to meet people and freely discuss issues relevant to the bi community at Red and Black Cafe Everyone is welcome (7.30 pm first Monday 400 SE 12th Ave Laury 503-285-4848 ) QUEST CENTER FOR INTEGRATIVE HEALTH offers conventional and alternative health care, nutrition classes, support groups and recreational sports activities for people seeking a wellness focus to living and dying, especially those living with HIV/AIDS or cancer (2901 E Burnside St.. 503-238-5203. info6quest-center.org) DEAF 6 HEARING OUT REACH (DHOR) is a nonprofit orga nization dedicated to building community among deaf and hearing queers and allies. Visit our Web site for programs, services, events and community resources. (dhorpdx6gmail com. dhorpdx.blogspot.com) D ear D esperate W oman : Ah, the classic dilemma. I f only you could OUTREACH CASCADE AIDS PROJECT (CAP) educates youth and 'adults about HIV prevention, supports people with HIV and their families and advocates for sound HIV policy and legislation on the national, state and local levels. Spanish- language assistance available. (Suite 3Q0. 620 SW Fifth Ave 503-223-5907. Oregon AIDS Hotline 800-777-2437.) CITYGUYS hosts monthly HIV testing nights at The Escape and Steam: provides free risk reduction counseling, condoms and lube; and offers free rapid HIV testing and STD screening at the Men s Wellness Center (5-9pm Tuesdays and llam-2pm Wednesdays for HIV/STD and 5-9pm Saturdays for HIV only). 928 SW Stark St.. 503-445-7699. cityguys6cascadeaids.org CLACKAMAS COUNTY COMMUNITY HEALTH IN OREGON CITY offers anonymous and confidential HIV test ing and counseling for gay and bisexual men No needles! Free condoms! Call for appointment or walk-in testing times. (3:30-6:30 pm Tuesday. 1425 Beavercreek Road Clinic: 503-655-8471. Information 50 3-742-53 8 2.) CLARK COUNTY offers free rapid HIV testing and hepati tis A and B vaccinations to men who have sex with men in Vancouver. Wash. (5-6:30 pm Thursday 3701 E Fourth Plain Blvd 360-397-8098.) COLUMBIA COUNTY PUBLIC HEALTH offers anonymous and confidential HIV testing, counseling and case manage ment to anyone Se habla espahol. We lend HIV books and videos and offer educational materials and free condoms (503-397-4651 or 800-244-4870 ) DAILY BREAD EXPRESS provides home delivery of high- quality meals to HIV-positive individuals in need Fresh meals delivered weekdays, frozen meals for weekends. Volunteers invited to inquire anytime (Mara 503-460-3822.) ESTHER'S PANTRY in Milwaukie provides food and per sonal care items to people with HIV/AIDS. Call to donate or for services (503-349-4699 www ourhouseofportland org/programs/estherspantry.) FUZEON INFORMATION GROUP welcomes people contemplating, using or caregiving for Fuzeon recipients Facilitated by experienced patients, nurses and social work ers (5:30-7 pm second Wednesday. 5525 SE Milwaukie Ave RSVP to Julia 503-230-1202. ext 235 www ohsu edu/partner- ship/fuzeon.html HEALTH. EDUCATION. AIDS LIAISON (HEAL) offers infor mation about alternative views of AIDS causation and HIV testing Call for a free packet of information (503-227-2339 bwport6comcast n e t) MULTNOMAH COUNTY HEALTH DEPARTMENT S HIV COMMUNITY TEST SITE offers confidential testing by appointment with or without your name Some walk-in testing Sliding-scale fee Se habla espahol: other interpretation by THE LINK, a social networking group for HIV-positive gay and bi men. meets the second and fourth Wednesday of every month for social events, discussions and other outings. (928 SW Stark St. 503-223-6339. ext. 555 thelink6cascadeaids. org.) MANIFEST (formerly Q-LAND). a nonprofit men s wellness community, prevents and addresses HIV and STDs by empow ering men to pursue their wellness passions together through programs like yoga, cycling, hiking, meditation, healing touch classes, vision teams, wellness coaching, information and referrals. (503-223-8822. ext. I. www manifestpdx o rg ) MULTNOMAH COUNTY OFFERS FREE HIV RAPID TESTING to gay. bi and trans guys in NE Portland Se habla espahol. (5-7:15 pm Tuesday 5329 NE Martin Luther King Jr Blvd 503-988-3030.) OHSU HIV CLINIC provides comprehensive health care for people living with HIV/AIDS. Services include HIV specialty care psychiatry, counseling, addiction treatment (including buprenorphine/suboxone). case management, same-day visits and online chart access Appointments are available regardless of insurance (503-494-8562.) OUR HOUSE OF PORTLAND provides Oregon and southwest Washington s only network of integrated health and housing services for people with HIV/AIDS. Programs include Our House (24-hour residential care). Neighborhood Housing and Care Community Services and Swan House To volunteer, contact Kathryn Siebert (503-234-0175. www ourhouseofportland.org.) PARTNERSHIP PROJECT provides services to people with HIV/AIDS. their families and those at risk. Programs include HIV Case Management: Supporting Healthy Options for Prevention (SHOP), behavior change counseling to motivate people to protect themselves and their partners: and ALL ABOUT HIV. providing basic information for people living with HIV/AIDS. Se habla espahol. (Intake Line 503-517-3590. SHOP: Laura or Kurt 503-230-1202 or 877-795-7700 ALL ABOUT HIV: 503-230-1202 Positive Living Julia 503-230-1202. ext 235 www ohsu edu/partnership ) PORTLAND AREA HIV SERVICES PLANNING COUNCIL: WE WANT YOU to join us in planning services for people living with HIV/AIDS in the six-county metro area This decision making body identifies needed services and allocates Ryan White Program funds annually We need members from all walks of life (3653 SE 34th Ave 503-988-3030 ext 25703 www hivportland o rg ) POSITIVE DIRECTION SERIES offers life skill workshops to people living with HIV/AIDS at Cascade AIDS Project Topics include employment, parenting, health women s self-image THE RESEARCH 6 EDUCATION GROUP provides access to HIV/AIDS research trials of new drugs and therapies for people in Oregon and southwest Washington. (2311 NW Northrup St »105. 503-229 8428 ) THE RISK REDUCTION ZONE a program of Outside In. provides a queer safe space that offers HIV. hepatitis C and STD prevention programs Internet resources; peer counsel ing: referrals: and support groups in a nonclinical setting (1030 SW 13th Ave 503-535-3895.) SELF-INJECTION MEDICATION SUPPORT GROUP provides a monthly education and support group for people taking any medication that requires self injection (Fuzeon Insulin. Interferon Vitamin BI2. Testosterone) or those who are considering taking those medications. Providers, care givers and support people are also welcome Group meets the fourth Tuesdays of the month from 1-2:30 p m at Our House at 2727 SE Alder St.. Portland OR 97214 (For informa tion or to RSVP contact Julee Graven RN Partnership Project Nurse Case Manager at 503-720-6939 or 503-413-6389 www ohsu.edu/partnership.) SOCIAL AND SUPPORT GROUP discusses HIV issues for men at Quest Center Meet other nice guys share information and have fun. (7-8 pm Tuesdays. 2901 E Burnside St., contact Arthur at 503-290-9389 ) SWAN HOUSE is a specialized adult foster care home for low- income people with HIV/AIDS who need assistance with per sonal care, mobility, medications ordrug/alcohol/mental health support (Business 503-786-4829 Volunteers 503-234-0175 www ourhouseofportland org/programs/swanhouse) TOD'S CORNER in Milwaukie provides clothing, household items, companion pet care, cremations and more to people with HIV/AIDS. Call to donate or for services. (503-349-4699 www ourhouseofportland org/programs/todscorner ) WASHINGTON COUNTY HEALTH DEPARTMENT offers low-cost HIV testing at community health clinics for guys who have sex with other guys No appointment needed Results in 20 minutes Se habla espahol (Beaverton 5 30-7 30 pm Monday. 12550 SW Second St Hillsboro 4-5 30 pm Tuesday and 9-11 am Friday. 266 W Main St.) »COMMUNITY General DOUBLE RAINBOW FOUNDATION is available to help all queer parent? who co-conceive children to be treated equally We believe regardless of gender, two adults in com mitted relationships who agree to co-create children should be given the same rights as heterosexual couples (www« myspacecom/doublerainbowfoundation.) ELDER RESOURCE ALLIANCE is a coalition of organi zations and individuals working to enhance the lives of older members of the sexual minorities community through education, advocacy, outreach and resource development Activities include sensitivity trainings, creating social change recreational activities information and assistance (3:30-4 30 pm first Wednesday Friendly House Community Center. 1737 NW 26th Ave Rachel 503-224-2640 eracoordinator6yahoo com.) EQUITY FOUNDATION is a nonprofit organization founded by gays and lesbians to build communities that embrace the dignity and worth of all people Equity has distributea more than S3 million in grants and scholarships throughout Oregon (503-231-5759 www equityfodndation org ) FIFTY* LESBIAN SOCIAL GROUP meets the third Saturday of each month (4-7pm). For additional information call 5 0 3 64 2 3 3 60 or 971 2161173 or email sutaytig6aol com GETTING BI PDX is a women s group that meets for discus sion. coffee and planning social events (www gettingbipdx com.) KBOO-FM s Out Loud queer news and public affairs show featuring local guests and announcements, airs second and fourth Tuesdays This Way Out the international queer show airs on first, third and fifth Tuesdays (6 pm 90 7 FM Portland. 919 FM Hood River 100.7 FM Willamette Valley www kboo fm kboooutloud6yahoo com.) LOVE MAKES A FAMILY. INC. is an international organization that provides a public voice for queer families We educate and advocate for family equality, social justice and peace Your membership supports parents and their children works for safe schools and encourages equal rights for all couples Come volunteer at our two booths at the Oregon State Fair with continued on p ag e *12
