OREGON'S GAY/LE SBIAN/Bl/TRANS NEWSMAGAZINE
AUGUST 21
2009 Æ
JS
,
R ile d -U p Fem m e Asks “W h y C a n 't I G e t Just O n e Kiss?
D ear M s . B ehavior :
I’m in a monogamous relationship Mth
a woman I love, but I’m in a predicament.
There’s someone else who I want to make
out with—or, I’d settle for touching her body
a bit. I f I were to ask my friends for advice,
most o f them would say, “End the relation
ship you’re in first.”
But isn’t it stupid to jump to that conclu
sion when that may not be necessary? Couldn’t
making out with someone else be just an expe
rience, maybe even a one-time thing?
My friend Emily just died, and she was
only 4 0 .1 know Emily and her partner weren’t
getting along. So now I’m thinking, if Emily
had had the chance to have someone take her
breath away for five minutes, to make her wet,
to make her words quiver, don’t you think she
would have (maybe even should have) enjoyed
the moment?
W hat’s with all this morality crap anyway?
Where does it get us? There’s no one among
my immediate friends who wouldn’t judge
me, so I’m asking you, Ms. Behavior: Would
it really be so bad to just kiss someone or hold
her for a few minutes?
- Desperate Woman
kiss another woman’s lips or perhaps touch
her boobies, all would be well with the world,
right?
The problem is that you’re standing at
the top o f the very mountain for which the
term “slippery slope” was created: You’re in
a monogamous relationship but you meet
someone who you like and want to kiss. At
first it all seems very innocent and sweet*
How could anything be wrong with pressing
your lips against hers? Couldn’t this be totally
compartmentalized from your relationship?
Pretty soon, kissing the new woman opens
an unexpected doorway and then— uh-oh—
kissing just isn’t enough. So, next you touch
her breasts under the bra. Soon you realize
that really you’re very tired and need to lie
down...together. You slip one o f your legs
between her thighs, because, well, it just fits
perfectly, and as you snuggle, her breast slips
into your mouth so easily. When she grabs
your butt and writhes against you, it becomes
clear that you need to take off your jeans, cause you and your partner aren’t connecting
because they’re chafing you. There’s nothing well right now, or because you’re in a fallow*
wrong with hugging while you’re in your un phase o f your relationship. Or maybe it’s just
derwear, right? Your hugs are so wholesome
that you’re human and it’s totally normal to
and sweet that a thin cotton barrier is really experience an occasional intense attraction to
all it takes to keep your chastity intact. Her someone else, even if you’re monogamous.
slight gasps and hard breathing only indicate
Your feelings, o f course, aren’t the prob
that she hasn’t been hugged in a long time. lem. (The problem is that you want to have
And then that thin cotton barrier is somehow your attraction and eat her, too.) Mainly, you
in the way, and suddenly you’re both naked. have a commitment to your partner, which^
What a surprise!
you’ll be breaking if you act on this attraction
Depending on your personality, it can take without letting her know that you intend to
anywhere from 10 minutes to a whole year to do it. No one likes a liar or a cheat.
go through all these steps, but Ms. Behavior
So, you can either be honest with your
predicts that if you kiss this woman, your partner, or decide not to act on the attraction.
damp underwear will eventually end up on
It may help to talk it through with a friend or
the floor, entwined with hers, as you lie on a therapist. Whatever you do, don’t hide your
the bed, basting in each other’s juices. Soon
lustful feelings in a dark closet where they
you wonder: how did all this happen?
will only grow large and strange.
Poor dead Emily has caused a crisis, hasn’t
O f course, you may decide to kiss or touch
she? I f only she’d gotten to make out with this woman anyway— and it doesn’t mean
someone before she died, she would have that you’re a terrible person— but it’s not
died a happier woman. Or maybe not. But likely to lead to a healthy outcome or a happy
that’s what you’re imagining in this moment, wife.
which coincides with the awakening o f your
libido— which feels like the opposite o f being
M eryl C ohn is the author o f Do What I
dead.
Say: Ms. Behavior’s Guide to Gay and Lesbiair
The message you’re getting from your Etiquette. Signed copies are available directly
psyche (or maybe your clit) is one of longing. from the author. Send questions or correspondence
Maybe you’re longing for another woman be to msbehavior@aol. com.
»AIDS 8 HIV
appointment. (9 am-4:45 pm Monday-Friday except 11:00-4:45
pm Wednesday 426 SW Stark St.. Sixth Floor. 50 3-9 8 8-3775.)
and sexuality, budgeting and tenant education. (Shyle Ruder
503-223-5907. ext. 202 www cascadeaids.org.)
CAREAssist pays for health insurance premiums, prescrip
tion drugs and insurance plan co-payments and deductibles
for eligible people with HIV/AIDS. Program of the Oregon
Department of Human Services and the Ryan White CARE Act.
(8 am-5 pm Monday-Friday. 503-731-4029 or 800-805-2313.
www healthoregon.org.)
HIV DAY CENTER offers hot meals, counseling, laundry
facilities, clothing, showers and hygiene supplies, computers
with Internet access, phones, mail drop, recreational activi
ties. massage and haircuts. We are in need of volunteers to
work in the kitchen, meal delivery drivers, massage therapists
and folks to help cook lunch to clients on Fridays. Feel free to
call Mara at 503-460-3822. (9 am-3 pm Monday-Friday. 2941
NE Ainsworth St. 503-460-3822.)
POSITIVE LIVING SERIES is a seven-week self-manage
ment series for people living with HIV/AIDS designed to assist
you in taking care of your illness, give you skills to carry out
normal daily activities and provide you with the tools to man
age emotional changes (Julia 503-230-1202. ext. 235 www
ohsu.edu/partnership/fuzeon.html.)
BABBLE-ON TOASTMASTERS meets at Red Coach
Restaurant to develop communications and leadership
skills, including prepared speeches, impromptu speaking
and running effective meetings. (4-5:30 pm Sunday. 615 SW
Broadway 503-330-2706 www babble-ontm org.)
♦TALK is a five-week program for people living with HIV
designed to reduce stress around talking about your HIV
status and negotiating safer sex New sessions start monthly.
(Josh 503-223-5907. jferrer6cascadeaids.org.)
BISEXUAL COMMUNITY FORUM is a space to meet
people and freely discuss issues relevant to the bi community
at Red and Black Cafe Everyone is welcome (7.30 pm first
Monday 400 SE 12th Ave Laury 503-285-4848 )
QUEST CENTER FOR INTEGRATIVE HEALTH offers
conventional and alternative health care, nutrition classes,
support groups and recreational sports activities for people
seeking a wellness focus to living and dying, especially
those living with HIV/AIDS or cancer (2901 E Burnside St..
503-238-5203. info6quest-center.org)
DEAF 6 HEARING OUT REACH (DHOR) is a nonprofit orga
nization dedicated to building community among deaf and
hearing queers and allies. Visit our Web site for programs,
services, events and community resources. (dhorpdx6gmail
com. dhorpdx.blogspot.com)
D ear D esperate W oman :
Ah, the classic dilemma. I f only you could
OUTREACH
CASCADE AIDS PROJECT (CAP) educates youth and
'adults about HIV prevention, supports people with HIV
and their families and advocates for sound HIV policy and
legislation on the national, state and local levels. Spanish-
language assistance available. (Suite 3Q0. 620 SW Fifth Ave
503-223-5907. Oregon AIDS Hotline 800-777-2437.)
CITYGUYS hosts monthly HIV testing nights at The Escape and
Steam: provides free risk reduction counseling, condoms and
lube; and offers free rapid HIV testing and STD screening at
the Men s Wellness Center (5-9pm Tuesdays and llam-2pm
Wednesdays for HIV/STD and 5-9pm Saturdays for HIV only).
928 SW Stark St.. 503-445-7699. cityguys6cascadeaids.org
CLACKAMAS COUNTY COMMUNITY HEALTH IN
OREGON CITY offers anonymous and confidential HIV test
ing and counseling for gay and bisexual men No needles!
Free condoms! Call for appointment or walk-in testing times.
(3:30-6:30 pm Tuesday. 1425 Beavercreek Road Clinic:
503-655-8471. Information 50 3-742-53 8 2.)
CLARK COUNTY offers free rapid HIV testing and hepati
tis A and B vaccinations to men who have sex with men in
Vancouver. Wash. (5-6:30 pm Thursday 3701 E Fourth Plain
Blvd 360-397-8098.)
COLUMBIA COUNTY PUBLIC HEALTH offers anonymous
and confidential HIV testing, counseling and case manage
ment to anyone Se habla espahol. We lend HIV books and
videos and offer educational materials and free condoms
(503-397-4651 or 800-244-4870 )
DAILY BREAD EXPRESS provides home delivery of high-
quality meals to HIV-positive individuals in need Fresh meals
delivered weekdays, frozen meals for weekends. Volunteers
invited to inquire anytime (Mara 503-460-3822.)
ESTHER'S PANTRY in Milwaukie provides food and per
sonal care items to people with HIV/AIDS. Call to donate
or for services (503-349-4699 www ourhouseofportland
org/programs/estherspantry.)
FUZEON INFORMATION GROUP welcomes people
contemplating, using or caregiving for Fuzeon recipients
Facilitated by experienced patients, nurses and social work
ers (5:30-7 pm second Wednesday. 5525 SE Milwaukie Ave
RSVP to Julia 503-230-1202. ext 235 www ohsu edu/partner-
ship/fuzeon.html
HEALTH. EDUCATION. AIDS LIAISON (HEAL) offers infor
mation about alternative views of AIDS causation and HIV
testing Call for a free packet of information (503-227-2339
bwport6comcast n e t)
MULTNOMAH COUNTY HEALTH DEPARTMENT S HIV
COMMUNITY TEST SITE offers confidential testing by
appointment with or without your name Some walk-in testing
Sliding-scale fee Se habla espahol: other interpretation by
THE LINK, a social networking group for HIV-positive gay and
bi men. meets the second and fourth Wednesday of every
month for social events, discussions and other outings. (928
SW Stark St. 503-223-6339. ext. 555 thelink6cascadeaids.
org.)
MANIFEST (formerly Q-LAND). a nonprofit men s wellness
community, prevents and addresses HIV and STDs by empow
ering men to pursue their wellness passions together through
programs like yoga, cycling, hiking, meditation, healing
touch classes, vision teams, wellness coaching, information
and referrals. (503-223-8822. ext. I. www manifestpdx o rg )
MULTNOMAH COUNTY OFFERS FREE HIV RAPID
TESTING to gay. bi and trans guys in NE Portland Se habla
espahol. (5-7:15 pm Tuesday 5329 NE Martin Luther King Jr
Blvd 503-988-3030.)
OHSU HIV CLINIC provides comprehensive health care for
people living with HIV/AIDS. Services include HIV specialty
care psychiatry, counseling, addiction treatment (including
buprenorphine/suboxone). case management, same-day
visits and online chart access Appointments are available
regardless of insurance (503-494-8562.)
OUR HOUSE OF PORTLAND provides Oregon and
southwest Washington s only network of integrated health
and housing services for people with HIV/AIDS. Programs
include Our House (24-hour residential care). Neighborhood
Housing and Care Community Services and Swan House
To volunteer, contact Kathryn Siebert (503-234-0175. www
ourhouseofportland.org.)
PARTNERSHIP PROJECT provides services to people with
HIV/AIDS. their families and those at risk. Programs include
HIV Case Management: Supporting Healthy Options for
Prevention (SHOP), behavior change counseling to motivate
people to protect themselves and their partners: and ALL
ABOUT HIV. providing basic information for people living
with HIV/AIDS. Se habla espahol. (Intake Line 503-517-3590.
SHOP: Laura or Kurt 503-230-1202 or 877-795-7700 ALL ABOUT
HIV: 503-230-1202 Positive Living Julia 503-230-1202. ext 235
www ohsu edu/partnership )
PORTLAND AREA HIV SERVICES PLANNING COUNCIL:
WE WANT YOU to join us in planning services for people living
with HIV/AIDS in the six-county metro area This decision
making body identifies needed services and allocates Ryan
White Program funds annually We need members from all
walks of life (3653 SE 34th Ave 503-988-3030 ext 25703
www hivportland o rg )
POSITIVE DIRECTION SERIES offers life skill workshops to
people living with HIV/AIDS at Cascade AIDS Project Topics
include employment, parenting, health women s self-image
THE RESEARCH 6 EDUCATION GROUP provides access
to HIV/AIDS research trials of new drugs and therapies
for people in Oregon and southwest Washington. (2311 NW
Northrup St »105. 503-229 8428 )
THE RISK REDUCTION ZONE a program of Outside In.
provides a queer safe space that offers HIV. hepatitis C and
STD prevention programs Internet resources; peer counsel
ing: referrals: and support groups in a nonclinical setting
(1030 SW 13th Ave 503-535-3895.)
SELF-INJECTION MEDICATION SUPPORT GROUP
provides a monthly education and support group for people
taking any medication that requires self injection (Fuzeon
Insulin. Interferon Vitamin BI2. Testosterone) or those who
are considering taking those medications. Providers, care
givers and support people are also welcome Group meets
the fourth Tuesdays of the month from 1-2:30 p m at Our
House at 2727 SE Alder St.. Portland OR 97214 (For informa
tion or to RSVP contact Julee Graven RN Partnership Project
Nurse Case Manager at 503-720-6939 or 503-413-6389 www
ohsu.edu/partnership.)
SOCIAL AND SUPPORT GROUP discusses HIV issues for
men at Quest Center Meet other nice guys share information
and have fun. (7-8 pm Tuesdays. 2901 E Burnside St., contact
Arthur at 503-290-9389 )
SWAN HOUSE is a specialized adult foster care home for low-
income people with HIV/AIDS who need assistance with per
sonal care, mobility, medications ordrug/alcohol/mental health
support (Business 503-786-4829 Volunteers 503-234-0175
www ourhouseofportland org/programs/swanhouse)
TOD'S CORNER in Milwaukie provides clothing, household
items, companion pet care, cremations and more to people
with HIV/AIDS. Call to donate or for services. (503-349-4699
www ourhouseofportland org/programs/todscorner )
WASHINGTON COUNTY HEALTH DEPARTMENT offers
low-cost HIV testing at community health clinics for guys who
have sex with other guys No appointment needed Results
in 20 minutes Se habla espahol (Beaverton 5 30-7 30 pm
Monday. 12550 SW Second St Hillsboro 4-5 30 pm Tuesday
and 9-11 am Friday. 266 W Main St.)
»COMMUNITY
General
DOUBLE RAINBOW FOUNDATION is available to help
all queer parent? who co-conceive children to be treated
equally We believe regardless of gender, two adults in com
mitted relationships who agree to co-create children should
be given the same rights as heterosexual couples (www«
myspacecom/doublerainbowfoundation.)
ELDER RESOURCE ALLIANCE is a coalition of organi
zations and individuals working to enhance the lives of
older members of the sexual minorities community through
education, advocacy, outreach and resource development
Activities include sensitivity trainings, creating social change
recreational activities information and assistance (3:30-4 30
pm first Wednesday Friendly House Community Center. 1737
NW 26th Ave Rachel 503-224-2640 eracoordinator6yahoo
com.)
EQUITY FOUNDATION is a nonprofit organization founded
by gays and lesbians to build communities that embrace
the dignity and worth of all people Equity has distributea
more than S3 million in grants and scholarships throughout
Oregon (503-231-5759 www equityfodndation org )
FIFTY* LESBIAN SOCIAL GROUP meets the third Saturday
of each month (4-7pm). For additional information call
5 0 3 64 2 3 3 60 or 971 2161173 or email sutaytig6aol com
GETTING BI PDX is a women s group that meets for discus
sion. coffee and planning social events (www gettingbipdx
com.)
KBOO-FM s Out Loud queer news and public affairs show
featuring local guests and announcements, airs second and
fourth Tuesdays This Way Out the international queer show
airs on first, third and fifth Tuesdays (6 pm 90 7 FM Portland.
919 FM Hood River 100.7 FM Willamette Valley www kboo fm
kboooutloud6yahoo com.)
LOVE MAKES A FAMILY. INC. is an international organization
that provides a public voice for queer families We educate
and advocate for family equality, social justice and peace
Your membership supports parents and their children works
for safe schools and encourages equal rights for all couples
Come volunteer at our two booths at the Oregon State Fair with
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