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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (July 17, 2009)
O REGO N S GAY/LE S BIAN/B l/TRAN S NEWSMAGAZINE JU LY 17 2009 4 | She Don't Need Another Hero D ear M s . B eh avio r : I’m not sure where to draw the line with my ex. Ronnie and I broke up several years ago, but we’ve remained friends. Ronnie is prone to depression and sometimes calls me when she’s drunk and despondent. It doesn’t bother me; I help her the same way I’d help any depressed friend. But it’s more difficult since I’ve gotten a new girlfriend. Tammy doesn’t want me to answer Ronnie’s late-night calls and would prefer that I stop rescuing her when she gets pulled over for drunk driving. (Her father is a retired cop, so she never goes to jail.) Is Tammy being unreasonable by asking me to ignore Ronnie? Or am I wrong in trying to help her? Does having a new girlfriend really mean that I have to ignore the old one? -Torn Between Past and Present D ear T orn B e t w e e n P a st a n d P r e s e n t : It’s easy to conjure up the scenario: You and Tammy lying on the couch, cuddling in that hot way that lesbians cuddle. You feed each other ice cream, or perhaps massage each other’s toes. Suddenly the phone rings. Ring! Ring! Uh-oh, maybe it’s an emergency! You reach for the phone (dropping Tammy’s foot), and check your caller ID. You see that Ronnie is drunk dialing you...again... Your body releases a burst o f adrenaline as you say “Hello?” and you’re back to feeling alive! Ron nie spills the details o f her daily crisis while your ice cream melts. Tammy watches you shift into caretaker mode, as you defdy analyze Ronnie’s mood and try to soothe her. Can you really blame Tammy for being annoyed or even disgusted? How could she feel anything but short-changed? Saving Ronnie is not healthy for you and it’s not healthy for your new relation ship; worse, it doesn’t even help Ronnie to be “saved.” So, start screening her out. Don’t take her drunk calls, don’t solve her problems, and let her call someone else for a ride. But be forewarned; you’ll soon have to figure out what to do with your sorry self when you no longer feel the rush o f being a hero. You may be surprised at how lost you feel when you’re not “helping” anyone. ♦ ♦ ♦ D ear M s. B eh a vio r : My boyfriend Evan and I are about to have a baby with a surrogate. She’s not even born, and nosy people already are asking, “Who is Olivia’s lather?” When we explain that we’ll both be fathers, the next question is, “But who is her biological father?” We feel we should educate people about the insensitivity of the question, but on the other hand, this is a private matter and we want to be treated equally, regardless o f whose sperm happens to have fertilized the surrogate’s egg. (We’ve taken turns with the insemination each month, and know when the surrogate conceived, but don’t want to share the info with the world.) O f course, the answer may become obvious to everyone once the baby is born: Evan is dark and 6’4” and I’m short and blond. But until then, how should we handle the rude questions? -Papa and D ad D ear P apa an d D a d : Having to repeatedly explain that you’re both daddies is tiresome, and you shouldn’t re ward rude questions with answers anyway. It’s not your job to educate the public about the socio-political issues surrounding same-sex parenting. So, on the days that you feel weary o f it, you could try a variety of responses and see which works best: 1) “We’ve cloned a baby in the lab. She’s half him, half me. Don’t tell anyone.” 2) “We were drunk the night she was con ceived, so we’re not sure.” 3) “If you’re asking which one o f us beat off into the cup, we can only tell you that we take turns.” (If it’s an immediate family member asking the question, you may want to substitute a different word for “beat o ff”) ♦ ♦ ♦ D ear M s . B eh avio r : Your response to the person who asked about keeping an old partner on his health coverage through his employer, as well as considering putting a friend on the coverage by declaring him to be a domestic partner, was right-on, but stopped just short o f all the con sequences that would likely happen. Not only “may” his keeping the former partner on his active coverage (as opposed to COBRA) be considered fraudulent, it “is” fraudulent. And if he added a friend by calling him the domestic partner solely to get benefits —- coverage, not only would the insurer terminate the coverage, his employer would likely termi nate his employment for fraud as well. I look forward to reading your column in each issue. -D avid Meltzer, SPHR M eryl C ohn is the author of D o What I Say: Ms. Behavior’s Guide to Gay and Lesbian Etiquette. Signed copies are available directly from the author. Send questions or correspondence to msbehavior@aol.com. OUTREACH »AIDS 6 HIV CAREAssist pays for health insurance premiums, prescription drugs and insurance plan co-pay ments and deductibles for eligible people with HIV/ AIDS. Program of the Oregon Department of Human Services and the Ryan W hite CARE Act. (8 am -5 pm Monday-Friday. 503-731-4029 or 800-805-2313. www. healthoregon.org.) CASCADE AIDS PR O JEC T (CAP) educates youth and adults about HIV prevention, supports people with HIV and their families and advocates for sound HIV policy and legislation on the national, state and lo cal levels. Spanish-language assistance availab le (Suite 300. 620 SW Fifth Ave 503-223-5907. Oregon AIDS Hotline 80 0-777-2437.) CITYGUYS hosts monthly HIV testing nights at The Escap e and Steam: provides free risk reduction counseling, condoms and lube: and offers free rapid HIV testing and STD screening at the Men's W ellness Center. (5-9 pm Tuesday (HIV/STD) and Saturday [HIV only). 928 SW Stark St. 503-445-7699. cityguys@ cascadeaids.org.) CLACKAMAS COUNTY COMMUNITY HEALTH IN O R EGON CITY offers anonymous and confidential HIV testing and counseling for g ay and bisexual men. No needles! Free condoms! Call for appointm ent or walk-in testing times. (3:30-6:30 pm Tuesday 1425 Beavercreek Road. Clinic: 503-655-8471. Informa tion: 50 3-742-53 8 2.) CLARK COUNTY offers free rapid HIV testing and hepatitis A and B vaccinations to men who have sex with men in Vancouver. Wash. (5-6:30 pm Thursday 3701 E Fourth Plain Blvd. 360-397-8098.) COLUM BIA COUNTY PU BLIC HEALTH offers anony mous and confidential HIV testing, counseling and case m anagem ent to anyone Se habla espartol. W e lend HIV books and videos and offer e d u ca tional materials and free condoms. (503-397-4651 or 800-244-4870.) DAILY BREAD EXPRESS provides home delivery of high-quality meals to HIV-positive individuals in need Fresh meals delivered weekdays, frozen meals for weekends. Volunteers invited to inquire anytime. (M ara 503-460-3822.) ESTHER S PANTRY in Milwaukie provides food and personal care items to people with HIV/AIDS. Call to donate or for services. (503-349-4699. wwwour- houseofportland.org/programs/estherspantry.) FUZEON INFORMATION G R O U P welcomes people contem plating, using or caregiving for Fuzeon re cipients. Facilitated by experienced patients, nurses and social workers. (5:30-7 pm second W ednesday. 5525 SE Milwaukie Ave. RSVP to Ju lia 503-230-1202. ext. 235. www.ohsu.edu/partnership/fuzeon.html HEALTH. EDUCATION. AIDS UAISON (HEAL) offers in formation about alternative views of AIDS causation and HIV testing. C all for a free packet of informa tion. (503-227-2339. bwport@comcast.net.) MULTNOMAH COUNTY HEALTH DEPARTMENT S HIV COMMUNITY TEST SITE offers confidential testing by appointm ent with or without your name. Some walk- in testing. Sliding-scale fee Se habla español: other interpretation by appointment. (9 am-4:45 pm Monday-Friday except 11:00-4:45 pm W ednesday. 426 SW Stark St.. Sixth Floor. 503-9 8 8-3775.) HIV DAY CENTER offers hot meals, counseling laun dry facilities, clothing, showers and hygiene sup plies. computers with Internet access, phones, mail drop, recreational activities, m assage and haircuts. W e are in need of volunteers to work in the kitchen, meal delivery drivers, m assage therapists and folks to help cook lunch to clients on Fridays. Feel free to call M ara at 503-460-3822. (9 am-3 pm Monday- Friday 2941 NE Ainsworth St. 503-460-3822.) THE LINK, a social networking group for HIV-posi tive g ay and bi men. meets the second and fourth W ednesday of every month for social events, discussions and other outings. (928 SW Stark St. 503-223-6339. ext. 555 thelink@ cascadeaids.org.) MANIFEST (formerly Q-LAND). a nonprofit men's wellness community, prevents and addresses HIV and STDs by empowering men to pursue their w ell ness passions together through programs like yoga, cycling, hiking, meditation, healing touch classes, vision teams, wellness coaching, information and referrals. (503-223-8822. ext. I. www manifestpdx org.) MULTNOMAH COUNTY O FFERS FREE HIV RAPID TESTING to gay. bi and trans guys in NE Portland. Se habla español. (5-7:15 pm Tuesday. 5329 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd 503-988-3030.) OHSU HIV CLINIC provides com prehensive health care for people living with HIV/AIDS Services in clude HIV specialty care, psychiatry, counseling. addiction treatment (including buprenorphine/ suboxone). case managem ent, sam e-day visits and online chart access. Appointments are a v a il ab le regardless of insurance. (503-494-8562.) O UR HOUSE OF PORTLAND provides Oregon and southwest W ashington s only network of inte grated health and housing services for people with HIV/AIDS. Programs include Our House (24-hour residential care). Neighborhood Housing and Care. Community Services and Swan House. To volunteer, contact Kathryn Siebert. (503-234-0175. www.our- houseofportland.org.) PARTNERSHIP PR O JEC T provides services to people with HIV/AIDS. their families and those at risk. Programs include HIV C ase M anagem ent: Supporting Healthy Options for Prevention (SHOP), behavior ch an ge counseling to motivate people to protect themselves and their partners: and ALL ABOUT HIV. providing basic information for people living with HIV/AIDS. Se habla espartol. (Intake Line: 503-517-3590 SHOP: Laura or Kurt 503-230-1202 or 877-795-7700 ALL ABOUT HIV: 503-230-1202. Po si tive Living: Ju lia 503-230-1202. ext 235 wwwohsu. edu/partnership.) PORTLAND AREA HIV SERVICES PLANNING COUNCIL is a county decision-making body that identifies services needed for people living with HIV/AIDS and allocates federal funds annually in a six- county area Need volunteers from all walks of life (20 NE 10th Ave.. Second Floor. 3653 SE 34th Ave 503-988-3030. ext. 25703. www.hivportland org ) POSITIVE DIRECTION SERIES offers life skill work shops to people living with HIV/AIDS at C ascad e AIDS Project. Topics include employment, p a r enting. health, women s self-image and sexual ity. budgeting and tenant education. (Shyle Ruder 503-223-5907. ext. 202. www cascadeaids.org ) POSITIVE LIVING SERIES is a seven-week self-man agem ent series for people living with HIV/AIDS d e signed to assist you in taking care of your illness, give you skills to carry out normal daily activities and provide you with the tools to m anage em o tional changes. (Ju lia 503-230-1202. ext. 235. www. oh su edu/partnership/fuzeon.htmI.) «TALK is a five-week program for people living with HIV designed to reduce stress around talking about your HIV status and negotiating safer sex New sessions start monthly. (Josh 503-223-5907. jferrer@ cascadeaids.org.) f PR O JEC T QUEST Integrative Health Center offers conventional and alternative health care, nutrition classes, support groups and recreational sports a c tivities for people seeking a wellness focus to living and dying, especially those living with HIV/AIDS or cancer. (2901 E Burnside St. 503-238-5203. pquest® qwest net.) THE RESEARCH 6 EDUCATION G R O U P provides access to HIV/AIDS research trials of new drugs and therapies for people in Oregon and south west Washington. (2311 NW Northrup St. «105 503-229-8428.) THE RISK REDUCTION ZONE, a program of Outside In. provides a queer safe sp ace that offers HIV. hepatitis C and STD prevention programs: Internet resources: peer counseling: referrals: and support groups in a nonclinical setting (1030 SW 13th Ave 503-535-3895.) SELF-INJECTION MEDICATION SU PPO RT G R O U P provides a monthly education and support group for people taking an y m edication that requires self injection (Fuzeon. Insulin. Interferon. Vitamin BI2. Testosterone) or those who are considering tak ing those medications Providers care givers and support people are also welcom e Group meets the fourth Tuesdays of the month from 1-2:30 p m at Our House at 2727 SE Alder St.. Portland. OR 97214 (For information or to RSVP contact Ju lee Graven. RN Partnership Project Nurse C ase M an ager at 503-720-6939 or 503-413-6389 wwwohsu edu/partnership.) SOCIAL AND SU PPO R T G R O U P discusses HIV is sues for men at Quest Center M eet other nice guys, share information and have fun (7-8 pm Tuesday 2901 E Burnside St. Terry 503-253-2292.) SWAN HOUSE is a specialized adult foster care home for low-income people with HIV/AIDS who need a s sistance with personal care mobility, m edications or drug/alcohol/mental health support. (Business: 503-786-4829 Volunteers 503-234-0175. wwwour- houseofPortland org/programs/swanhouse ) TOD'S CORNER in Milwaukie provides clothing. ^ household items, com panion pet care, cremations and more to people with HIV/AIDS C all to donate or for services. (503-349-4699. www ourhouseofport- land.org/programs/todscorner.) continued on page 42
