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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 17, 2007)
iUStlOUt AUGUST 17 2007 36___________________________________ ______________________________________________ iPíWWrÍM] My Way and the Bi Way ¿ÆppeTj Mining I am not the arbiter of sexual identity THAI CUISINE had the pleasure of seeing Rufus Wainwright—a runway beauty and veritable chanteuse—sing his diva heart out July 31 at Crystal Ballroom. Adding to my delight was the opening performer, another talented musi cian with famous parents, Sean Lennon. During his set, Lennon pointed out that his previous tour billed Wainwright as his opening act. It turns out that no love was lost between friends who have shared more than a stage. Lennon confided that Wainwright is the “only dude" he’s ever made out with. During his set, Wainwright put in his two cents: “1 heard Sean said 1 was the only guy he’s made out.with.” After a pregnant pause, he added, “I can’t say the same.” This brought a round of encouraging giggles from the very mixed crowd. Wainwright, in a high- pitched squeal a la Little Miss Sunshine’s hyperactive pageant princess, blurted, “Because I’m a winner!” before breaking into song. What did it mean to me, to the audience, to Lennon, that he and Wainwright enjoyed a private duet? “One time does not make Lennon bisexual," 1 caught myself thinking. Or does it? ( 3207 s| Dh íníoh street (/ 32ml \u*. TAKE-OUT A DINE-I.N Adobe 6 LUNCH 11:30-2:00 Tues. - Sat. & DINNER 5.00-9.00 Tues. - Sat. CLOSED Sun. & Mon. FULL BAR Experience The Flavors of New Mexico 1634 S.E. Bybee Blvd. • (503) 235-9114 food For me, bisexuality was a gateway identification— one I felt to be safer and more accepted while 1 fig ured my shit out. Through the years, I heard straight- and gay- identified folks say biphobic things like, “Oh, they’re just fooling themselves" or “She/he hasn’t found the right girl/guy yet.” Even more disturbing was the “Well, I’d never date a bisexual” comment—a prejudice that says more about an individual’s relationship insecurity than it does about bisexuals. 1 imagine the assumption is that a breakup would be more painful if a lover left for someone of the opposite sex. Would you always think you had turned that lover straight? Given my personal expe rience with bisexuality, I wasn’t above entertaining these types of thoughts from time to time. It took a while to learn that my past and my attractions had no bearing on the reality of another’s. More than a decade later, while settling into my own married, home owning still life with dog, I have had the fortune of becoming good friends with a gorgeous couple—a married man and woman—who identify as bi. Here they are, recognized as legally married under the law and in any Home Depot across the land, identify ing as bisexual. Yet their unified proclamation of attraction to a partic ular female celebrity is as real as her ability to point out a waiter he’d find hot as is their mutual love and affec tion. When they say, “We’re queer," it rings as true in my ears as when the wife and 1 say the same. This ride through the history of my relationship with bisexuality brings me Sean Lennon told the crowd at Crystal Ballroom about his to some obvious conclusions and inter makeout session with tourmate Rufus Wainwright. esting questions. I needed bisexuality as My relationship with bisexuality began in col a label to help me find my way out of the closet. lege. During a summer session abroad in Ireland— Others are truly bisexual. But why is it of any where I found plenty of feisty females to fall for— interest to me how bi (or gay or straight, for that 1 was only comfortable enough to tell my school matter) someone else is? Will I listen to Sean chums 1 was bisexual and only after I’d found a nice Lennon’s music more now that I know he once young man to call “my boyfriend.” The identifica made out with Rufus? Will my friend, once married tion came in very handy when I tired of said to a woman and now marrying a man, hold less space boyfriend’s physical attention. “It’s just that I’m in my heart? No. As I fervently shake my head no bisexual,” 1 explained to a perplexed 19-year-old and as 1 grow up a little more every year, the memo mid-makeout. I did not mean to be a tease. I was ries of relationships, conversations and queries about scared. I used him and bisexuality as a front. others’ sexual identities fly away. Around graduation time, I finally gave up the ghost and quit "dating” boys for good. It wasn’t fair M alka GEFFEN has plenty of room in her head. Fill to them (or their ex-girlfriends whom I truly liked). it by e-mailing malkageffen@gmail.com.
