iUStlOUt AUGUST
17 2007
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iPíWWrÍM]
My Way and the Bi Way
¿ÆppeTj Mining
I am not the arbiter of sexual identity
THAI CUISINE
had the pleasure of seeing Rufus
Wainwright—a runway beauty and veritable
chanteuse—sing his diva heart out July 31 at
Crystal Ballroom. Adding to my delight was
the opening performer, another talented musi
cian with famous parents, Sean Lennon. During his
set, Lennon pointed out that his previous tour billed
Wainwright as his opening act. It turns out that no
love was lost between friends who have shared more
than a stage. Lennon confided that Wainwright is
the “only dude" he’s ever made out with. During his
set, Wainwright put in his two cents: “1 heard Sean
said 1 was the only guy he’s made out.with.” After
a pregnant pause, he added, “I can’t say the same.”
This brought a round of encouraging giggles from
the very mixed crowd. Wainwright, in a high-
pitched squeal a la Little Miss Sunshine’s hyperactive
pageant princess, blurted, “Because I’m a winner!”
before breaking into song.
What did it mean to me, to the audience, to
Lennon, that he and Wainwright enjoyed a private
duet? “One time does not make Lennon bisexual,"
1 caught myself thinking. Or does it?
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For me, bisexuality was a gateway identification—
one I felt to be safer and more accepted while 1 fig
ured my shit out.
Through the years, I heard straight- and gay-
identified folks say biphobic things like, “Oh,
they’re just fooling themselves" or “She/he hasn’t
found the right girl/guy yet.” Even more disturbing
was the “Well, I’d never date a bisexual”
comment—a prejudice that says more about an
individual’s relationship insecurity
than it does about bisexuals. 1 imagine
the assumption is that a breakup would
be more painful if a lover left for
someone of the opposite sex. Would
you always think you had turned that
lover straight? Given my personal expe
rience with bisexuality, I wasn’t above
entertaining these types of thoughts
from time to time. It took a while to
learn that my past and my attractions
had no bearing on the reality of
another’s.
More than a decade later, while
settling into my own married, home
owning still life with dog, I have had
the fortune of becoming good friends
with a gorgeous couple—a married
man and woman—who identify as bi.
Here they are, recognized as legally
married under the law and in any
Home Depot across the land, identify
ing as bisexual. Yet their unified
proclamation of attraction to a partic
ular female celebrity is as real as her
ability to point out a waiter he’d find
hot as is their mutual love and affec
tion. When they say, “We’re queer," it
rings as true in my ears as when the
wife and 1 say the same.
This ride through the history of my
relationship with bisexuality brings me
Sean Lennon told the crowd at Crystal Ballroom about his
to some obvious conclusions and inter
makeout session with tourmate Rufus Wainwright.
esting questions. I needed bisexuality as
My relationship with bisexuality began in col a label to help me find my way out of the closet.
lege. During a summer session abroad in Ireland—
Others are truly bisexual. But why is it of any
where I found plenty of feisty females to fall for—
interest to me how bi (or gay or straight, for that
1 was only comfortable enough to tell my school
matter) someone else is? Will I listen to Sean
chums 1 was bisexual and only after I’d found a nice
Lennon’s music more now that I know he once
young man to call “my boyfriend.” The identifica made out with Rufus? Will my friend, once married
tion came in very handy when I tired of said
to a woman and now marrying a man, hold less space
boyfriend’s physical attention. “It’s just that I’m
in my heart? No. As I fervently shake my head no
bisexual,” 1 explained to a perplexed 19-year-old
and as 1 grow up a little more every year, the memo
mid-makeout. I did not mean to be a tease. I was
ries of relationships, conversations and queries about
scared. I used him and bisexuality as a front.
others’ sexual identities fly away.
Around graduation time, I finally gave up the
ghost and quit "dating” boys for good. It wasn’t fair
M alka GEFFEN has plenty of room in her head. Fill
to them (or their ex-girlfriends whom I truly liked).
it by e-mailing malkageffen@gmail.com.